backdated 3/7

[livingimpaired]

My eBay account got suspended.

I have not used eBay in awhile so I guess I don't know the proper protocol for someone outbidding you for a cursed doll. Cursed with either a violent curse or a child's soul. The seller didn't specify.

It is not proper etiquette to e-mail the person you were bidding against and ask them to sell it to you rather than use it for their BuzzFeed article. Or let them be aware that you were honestly hoping it had some soul trapped in it to give it to friends in the hope that it will come to life in the middle of the night to do whatever cursed dolls do.

Who knew. I thought we were both cursed doll enthusiasts.

Comments

[playdolls]

You're bizarre.

[livingimpaired]

I know.

[playdolls]

And you don't have any defense for your behavior?

[livingimpaired]

Why should I mount any defense?

[playdolls]

Not even a traumatic childhood or something predictable like that?

[livingimpaired]

No.
I was a very unpleasant teenager by no one's fault but my own.

[playdolls]

I want to hear about that then.

[livingimpaired]

Very well.

When I reached my early teens, I became aware that I was unable to feel happiness as others felt it. In those early years, a person should be filled with so many bright emotions, but I was not. I became aware that neither happiness nor unhappiness meant anything to me, and so I decided to live my life alone. Alone not in relation to how many people knew me or how many people cared about me, but how I allowed myself to be affected by them.

In short, I stopped caring about the opinions and feelings of others. I didn't care if people were pleased, excited, sad, angry. Nothing outside of myself mattered. I'm certain you can understand just how unpleasant a person can become living in such a way.

[playdolls]

What's so wrong with that.

[livingimpaired]

I will tell you and tell you how it is wrong in a story.

A young woman in a separate class than me decided to confess her feelings to me. She had mistaken my looks to indicate that I had a personality worth knowing. I recall telling her that I could not return her feelings. Anxiously, she asked me if I liked someone else, or if I had a girlfriend. I told her that I did not, but I did not care about her. Her anxiety rose as she asked me to explain. I paraphrase now but her questions were something like, "Don't care about me, Shigaraki-kun? What do you mean? Have I done something to offend you?"

I told her she had done nothing. I said that her life meant nothing to me. I explained that the very conversation that we had would have no value or worth to me, and I would eventually forget it. She stood shocked and was unable to say anything. I waited a minute for her to speak but when she could not find any words, I excused myself.

I did lie to her, though. That conversation did come to have meaning to me now. It holds meaning in how I realize just how poorly I was living and existing in the world.

[playdolls]

I bet the look on her face was great.

You're not so terrible, don't be so dramatic.

[livingimpaired]

Perhaps.

But if one of the people that you liked said that to you, would you not think that they were terrible? That the relationship and thoughts you had built up about them turned out to be a misunderstanding on your part? That the moment you admit you might care for them as a friend, they calmly say your existence does not matter to them?

Do you truly not see anything terrible?

[playdolls]

There are worse things in the world than hurt feelings.

[livingimpaired]

Indeed, but no one should make another feel as though their life is worth nothing. All life has meaning, after all.

[playdolls]

Now that's ridiculous.

[livingimpaired]

I am a bizarre man with bizarre opinions.

[playdolls]

How can you tell me all life matters after telling me nothing matters to you.

[livingimpaired]

That was when I was a teenager.
My immaturity was abundant and looking back on my actions, I only feel shame.
Furthermore, just because nothing matters to me doesn't mean that it doesn't matter.

[playdolls]

Some lives matter a lot more. They're not all equally important.

Who cares about that girl. She just liked you for your face anyway.

[livingimpaired]

Perhaps.
Different lives have different meanings.
But that means that you know those whose lives matter more than others, hm?

So?
Does her youthful reasoning mean that she doesn't matter?

[playdolls]

I'm at my leisure to like whoever I want. If my King were here, I wouldn't be.

Why would anyone care about some weepy little girl...

[livingimpaired]

Your king?

Because she is more than just that single moment that I knew and spoke to her.

[playdolls]

My king. He's the most powerful creature out there. I was born to protect him.

It'd be nice, to have something that important to do, instead of just getting jerked around by Retrospec all the time.

If you care so much why don't you go apologize to her and take her out, sheesh.

[livingimpaired]

Why were you born to protect him if he is the most powerful being?

Because it was over twenty years ago.
I barely remember her name or face.
I only now remember the words of our conversation, and the understanding as to why she sought me out in the first place.

[playdolls]

Because he shouldn't be bothered with stupid things. He should be eating, conquering, breeding.

[One obvious answer for another. ]