retrospec | (no subject)

Whoa...the post settings from the admin accounts are really different than the normal accounts.

I'm sure you're expecting Jo or Maury or one of the others but those are all people who are way smarter and way more qualified than me, and those people are working overtime to trace down a signal we keep picking up on. Not sure what it means yet, but I'm hoping for the best. We thought we were able to isolate the problem when the other regions appeared on the current layer but it's something deeper.

But hey, isn't that what we're all trying to do here? Hope for the best.

Call me curious, but what's your favorite color? I've been teaching myself color theory lately. Bonus points if you say "why", too.

Zee Carlisle
Hiring Manager
Retr

spec Incorporated

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[she hates this. she hates that she can keep everything inside until it all comes out at once on whoever's listening and then she has the absolute gall to feel guilty and shitty about it when people actually reply. when they care. because she trusts Clover actually cares, too. that makes it worse, in a way.]

[she's not going to leave her on read no matter how easy it would be, but she's typing and deleting for a solid few minutes trying to figure out what she can actually say.]

I know you can, too.

Sorry.

Why are you apologizing?

You're answering questions I asked of you.

Yeah.

[this is so fucking stupid. all of it. she wants to drink until she blacks out so she can't hear her brain yelling all kinds of frustrating, wrong shit at her anymore.]

I know I'm being dumb right now. Don't worry. It'll be fine once I turn into a fucking robot and don't have to deal with emotions anymore.

[ Clover is learning all sorts of new things today. Time to process that Anna's going to turn into a robot someday.

It's going to take a moment. ]

I'm going to worry.

It won't be fine. Don't say that. As much as I'd like to turn off my emotions sometimes, don't say that.

No shit it won't be fine.

[she wants to rant about it again but she can't bring herself to find the right words and she doesn't think that Clover deserves them, anyway. the words she wants are cruel to herself, to her circumstances, and she's so much more used to dealing with shit alone. nobody needs to handle someone else's crisis of humanity on top of their own.]

I've been living on timers for most of my life one way or another. Now I have to do everything only humans can do before this countdown hits zero.

[ It's irresponsible of her to say what she's going to say next. She knows it, but what else is she supposed to say?

Clover misses her own humanity and her inhumanity isn't even that noticeable. She can't even say that maybe Anna won't inevitably turn into a robot or that even if she's a robot, she can still be human.

There's no way she can know that. There's no way she can promise that. ]

Do everything to embrace your humanity. Go out with a bang.

A figurative bang, I should clarify, but if you have a bucket list, perhaps now is the time to start checking items off in earnest.

Starting to get concerned with how many people are saying that exact same thing.

[like this is something everybody she knows has already had to deal with and she's just late to the party.]

But I really wasn't expecting it from you. Telling anyone else to do everything they need to do and cut loose with it. Must be some serious shit.

It is unexpected, isn't it? I suppose I feel like there is a certain benefit to accepting and fighting against eventuality versus denying and fight against eventuality.

Please mind that I do not endorse breaking any laws or anything that could land you in jail or otherwise. I hope you will be smart and reasonable to a certain extent.

Already told you I'm not smart, but yeah, obviously. I can't live my best life if I'm behind bars. Most illegal thing I'm gonna do is something I can do safely in my apartment. If I'm losing my lungs anyway, I don't want to waste money, too.

Thanks for the support even after I just dumped all this shit on you. Maybe I'll just dump all this on Astin next time so we can have a normal conversation for once.

[she won't.]

You are smart enough to know what will keep you from being chased by the law.

You weathered being punched by me, so the least I can do is listen. You've supported me, and I'd be a terrible person if I didn't support you. As far as I'm concerned, this is a normal conversation even if the topic is serious.

[ Also, she doesn't know Astin well, but she can't imagine something like this going over well. ]

I appreciate it, Clo. And I'm gonna be able to weather a lot more from you whenever the robotics kick in, if you ever really want to go to town. Open offer, only half joking.

Not gonna ask about specifics 'cause of where we are, but you ever follow up on that thing? From Bosuma.

You may be ready for it, but I don't know if I'll be. If I'm honest... it's toeing the line of how much I'm like her.

I've talked with my sisters. We've talked about what we remembered, at least a little.

[ Some a little more than others, but it's a lot better than where she was at before, which was none across the board. ]

Then we'll skip it. Don't worry about it.

Thanks for following through. Hope it was worth the part where it's literally impossible to talk to family about anything, ever.

Yes, I think it was. I was able to learn things and hear things I needed to hear. I hope it stays that way.

[ since this is before her disastrous conversation with your other character ]

I hope so too, but my DMs are open if you're not that lucky and you gotta talk to a third party. You bottle all this inside you, you're gonna turn into me, and nobody wants two of me around here.

Two of you wouldn't be terrible. Two of me would be.

I get it, but hard disagree.

You wanna DM now, or you wanna just be alone for a bit? Up to you.

Perhaps I will DM you at a later date. Thank you for the offer.

[ slides into Anna's DMs to complain about her conversation with Lina— j/k ]

No problem. Offer's open for as long as you need it. I'll make time for you.

Take care of yourself, Clover.