retrospec | (no subject)

It's been a while, hasn't it? I'm afraid things are really quite busy here, and unfortunately our liaison has been compromised. Well...so have a lot of people, actually.

Are you still yourself if you're not the self you were? It's the kind of conversation we've had a lot of times, around here. I've always only been myself, but if I woke up tomorrow as someone else, would I still be me even if I wasn't?

I think rather than worrying about that the best thing I can do is focus on trying to sort things out as best I can. I'm a little worried, actually, but I think I can manage to give everyone a shot even if I can't fix things on my own or even with everyone's help.

But you can help! Or at least I think it will help if you think about what it means to be "you". It's okay if that answer changes or doesn't. Just hold onto that concept and don't let it go. And maybe tell other people what you think it means? Not like I'm saying you have to talk about that. I think usually you all just talk about anything, and I think that is also a good way to hold onto who you are and who you want to be. Sometimes I think it'd be fun, all those parties or little plans. I've never spent much time outside of these walls, did you know?

I don't have time to really ramble, though. Those of you who know what I mean, we're doing our best. Those of you who don't, you do your best too. Pay attention to the things you tell yourself, and I'll try to fix what I can fix.

Please take care.

Joanne Wiseman
Technician 2nd class
Retr

spec Incorporated

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Fair enough.

And, all right, let me tell you what I want people to view me as.

I wish for them to view me as a "bystander," "neutral party."

For what it's worth, I've already considered you as such... You certainly stick you nose into a lot of business for being a bystander, however.

I'm a bit of a meddler, it's true.

A neutral meddler. Can there be such a thing? Well, all the same, humans are made up of contradictions.

A neutral meddler. Yes... That suits you better. But can you really say you care what other people think of you? Neutral doesn't leave as much as an impression as good or evil might. While that might be your end goal... That is at odds with your habit of snooping. You're looking for something that a simple bystander is not.

I'm afraid that you're right. I don't really care what people think of me. And one day, you will be able to say the same, Malik.

What I am seeking in you is for you to hope for the future. I don't know what that hope will be, because it will be yours, but that is what I am looking for in you.

Edited 2018-07-02 05:07 (UTC)

I already know what people think of me and it doesn't bother me so much. They get mad because I'm not what they want and that is expected.

Your meddling has to go far beyond me though. There is nothing about me in particular that is... meddlesome. You have a habit for one reason or another. That is what is at odds with your so-called neutral nature... Although some people would argue that wanting to inspire hope isn't entirely neutral.

Well, you are what I want, and are what I expect. There's nothing that you've done that has disappointed or upset me. I want you to know that, Malik.

One could very well argue that, and I would let them argue it, if they so wanted to do so.

You don't have to lay it on so thick... Lying to make me feel better isn't beneficial to either one of us.

If I did not lay it on thick, you would not believe it. I don't say it to make you feel better. I say it so you know my feelings.

I don't believe you either way.

That's unfortunate.

But it doesn't change my feelings. Even if you don't believe them, they are as I say they are. Either, you will eventually come to believe them or come to view them as something else. All the same, I know how I feel and so I shall continue to be the neutral meddler.

Say what you want. I'm a believer in actions over words. Say one thing and do another... You understand where the conflict is then, yes? Not to mention how many other times anyone can say something remotely pleasant to me and then disappear.

So unless you can prove otherwise, you're not any different than anyone else I've encountered.

Then shall I come visit you? I realize that isn't quite what you mean, but shall I?

If you want.

I do.

I haven't seen you in awhile and so I should come see how you're looking these days. That'll help me figure out what to do to help you better, too.

You're starting to sound like my social worker...

My apologies. I merely am pointing out that I've let you down and going to attempt to do better. But it is also up to you to decide what I am to you, as well. I know I view myself as a meddling person, but do you view me the same?

Yes. You're a meddler. Most adults are though, so that's nothing new. It's either meddling or indifferent.

Then I shall take pride in the title of "meddler."

I'll be over soon.