retrospec | (no subject)

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It's been a while, hasn't it? I'm afraid things are really quite busy here, and unfortunately our liaison has been compromised. Well...so have a lot of people, actually.

Are you still yourself if you're not the self you were? It's the kind of conversation we've had a lot of times, around here. I've always only been myself, but if I woke up tomorrow as someone else, would I still be me even if I wasn't?

I think rather than worrying about that the best thing I can do is focus on trying to sort things out as best I can. I'm a little worried, actually, but I think I can manage to give everyone a shot even if I can't fix things on my own or even with everyone's help.

But you can help! Or at least I think it will help if you think about what it means to be "you". It's okay if that answer changes or doesn't. Just hold onto that concept and don't let it go. And maybe tell other people what you think it means? Not like I'm saying you have to talk about that. I think usually you all just talk about anything, and I think that is also a good way to hold onto who you are and who you want to be. Sometimes I think it'd be fun, all those parties or little plans. I've never spent much time outside of these walls, did you know?

I don't have time to really ramble, though. Those of you who know what I mean, we're doing our best. Those of you who don't, you do your best too. Pay attention to the things you tell yourself, and I'll try to fix what I can fix.

Please take care.

Joanne Wiseman
Technician 2nd class
Retr

spec Incorporated

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Hmmm, I think I can live with that answer...soo...I haven't really been good nor evil, since I was just a shell of a human being?

And...now...instead of being Pinocchio, and simply wanting to be human deep down, I could be human?

And that would start...by opening this broken heart of mine...and...with time be "a real boy"

Hmmm, happen to know any fairies? :P I think that would be eaiser

That's right. You've just been a shell that's been moving from place to place.

It seems like you understand what you have to do.

As for any fairies, I'm afraid not. You'll have to do everything the hard way. Just like Pinocchio.

Correct me if I'm wrong...but didn't a fairy basically make him a real boy after almost getting his dad killed in a whale?

Either way...yeah...guess here is the hard part

She did, but he was already a real boy by that time.

She just gave him body. Haha.

You're still quite the wooden puppet and need to learn what it is to be a real boy before you go asking fairies for wishes.

0-0 wait...so we are in opposite positions!? I want a human heart, he wanted a human body?

Does that make me the tin man from Wizard of Oz then?

At least I'm not a stringed puppet...soo that's a step up, hard to see it getting much worse then that

annnnddd fine! I want a genie then, ideally Robin Willams lol

It's been awhile but I believe he wanted to be a real boy, too. He simply did not know how to be one. So he had to struggle and struggle until he was able to understand his own humanity.

So sadly, no, you're not the Tin Man. Since he always had his heart and always was a warm person that cared for others. You don't know what that means or what shape your caring takes, so you can't be that one.

Sigh. I feel we've gotten a little off the beaten path...

Sigh, yeah your right, was trying to lighten this dark mood...but fine, I'm not the tin man...

I still have a heart though...people I refused to steal from unless I was desperate...couples usually, mother's with children...Occasionally just sneaking something extra for someone else, or does a heart mean loving someone rather the simply not wishing to make things worse for someone else?

I apologize.

Such a weight isn't one that you're used to, hm? I'll try to be more reasonable about the mood for you.

But I will say that you'll have to decide what your heart is for. Mine is one that I attempt to make things not difficult for others, and to attempt to fix problems when I see them. It's what makes me the meddling person that I am, haha. But that is for me, and what connects me to other people.

You have to decide what connects you to others.

No, we are talking about deep weighty stuff...It's only recently that I've started to open up about this stuff...soo, I guess its natural to not want to sink all the way down...but...I need to right? So I wouldn't harm them again...

I honestly don't know, what my heart is for...How did you find what your heart was for?

and it's a decision about how we connect with others? Not something we discover as we go along?

And don't worry about meddling, cause I'd rather talk to you then one of those stinking social workers anyway

plus, eventually I'll come over and there is tasty food involved sooo, yeah way better then a social worker

That's right. If you don't want to harm them, you have to think on these weighted topics from time to time.

How did I find out? It connects to your following questions. It was a conscious decision I made about how I would relate to other people. In turn, it let me decide what shape my heart would take. We first have to make a choice and follow through with that decision. No one simply discovers what their heart is for.

The situation with the Tin Man, if I may return to that point. He consciously decided that he wanted to look after everyone; he wanted to be brave and wanted to love others. That was his decision all on his own. And while he needed to have it be pointed out, it was only a discovery that he had a heart, not what it was for.

You really building up my restaurant... I don't know how I feel about that...

So you shape your own heart? So...what if I wanted a noble heart?

Maybe make some use with all of these broken parts, and this hard path...

Like...I don't want another to go through what I have all alone...

I know, I'm not superman and can punch bad guys, or just spend money to make this dissapear..but...maybe in some small way, I could help someone heal...

I think that would be something I could be proud of

Well my friend, that falls on me, cause I can't very well be saying how I'm going to visit, and do so, and hate your food now can I?

Point of THAT being that food is involved, which is more then any social worker gave me

by the way where ARE you and whats your restaurant called?

Caussseee you might be getting free advertising by moi :)

Correct, you do.

If you want a noble heart, you have to work towards that goal. Eventually, it will take that shape through effort and time. It seems you have an idea and the rest will come to pass. One way or the other.

Free advertising. Good grief.
Well, I suppose I can't stop you.

[ Here is the address. ] And it is called RAMEN. Also, if you happen to hate the food, that would understandable.

That doesn't sound very encouraging...the food part I mean...cause it doesn't SOUND bad...sooo why would that be understandable if I hated it?

Don't businesses kill for free advertising?

So, it is possible then...that even I...could be noble...I rather like that...doing it though...gosh, thats probably going to be hard...

but thank you sir, this has been helpful

Because it is quite spicy.

Most may? I just never want my business to do well.

I attempt to be helpful every so often. But let's not oversell what I'm doing.

0_o they are that spicy!?

0-0 ummm, there is a story behind that?

? not oversell? I dont get it...you could have pushed me away the second you saw this was getting personal...but you tried to help a little punk deal with emotional issues...

when my own freaking brother is acting like an asshole now...

They are. :)

Not really. I'm just very bad at finances and the more successful my business is, the more likely it will collapse like a flan in the cupboard.

I'm just a meddling person. And it is like I say to everyone who wishes to praise me; you're the one who happened to see something worthwhile in what I'm prattling on about, and you're wanting to make your life better for it. These are your choices and your wishes, so praise yourself first before me.

Oh gosh...ummm, HOW spicy? and is there a way to...idk, make it less spicy?

Ummm flan in a cupboard?

and you chose to meddle in a way that was kinda helpful, so thank you...really...

Understandably...I haven't talked about this with a lot of people...

well until recently obviously...

I think i need to rethink that though...

I can give you a lighter version of it. I can't promise it won't still be considered "spicy," however.

Yes. Flan is a dish made with condensed and evaporated milk. Keeping it in a cupboard will eventually cause the thing to slowly collapse in on itself until it is nothing but a flat circle on a dish.

Well, if you feel like thanking me, I suppose I will take it.
This network is public so people may have seen your responses.
Those that you want to see them, those that you do not.
Still, you started to talk about it openly and so something good will come of it.
But only if you work toward that "good."

Ah okay then, I guess we will find out if/when i start to breath fire lol

AH, okay...now that makes sense

0_0 I totally forgot this was all public....

Welp, I suppose this is one way of making up more then 2 years of silence...

I guess we will, haha.

It is one way to make up for two years of silence, yes.
And anyway, it seems like something that you really wanted to say.
So, there's no harm in it.

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