retrospec | Texts from Late Night

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Texts from Late Night

[ Posted sometime around like four in the morning: ]

Has anyone else found themselves falling in love with someone in those memories we all get? That might feel a little extreme, but the face has been sticking with me for a while now.

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[ well, no use being vague about it so he'll do his best to elaborate. ]

let me try breaking this down then
past me really likes this one guy
a Lot
but the memories with him in them give me the creeps because past me was even more of a jerk than who i am now in this life
present me... still likes this one guy
a lot
but he's not my type anymore, you know? current me=/=past me, after all
the memories still keep coming though, as if forcing me to like him again in that way
and slowly but surely im beginning to see why my past self had liked this guy so much but at the same time i really don't want to bounce back?
i'd just turn out like my past self self which is something im trying to avoid in this life time

catch my drift so far?

I think I follow? So the idea is something like you're worried that you'd end up somewhat obsessive or with whatever behavior you're not fond of from the past life there?

huh
yeah, it's exactly that

[ he's a little surprised, but not at all uncomfortable. in fact he's quite relieved that someone figured it out ]

it's just annoying how we also had to experience the feelings our past selves had felt back in the day
most of us here don't want to be that kind of guy anymore but as usual retrospec's making it hard for us to forgive ourselves and forget what had happened

To be honest, I'd find it more unsettling to just watch it all as a movie or something. That'd make me feel more distanced from the whole thing and like I was hallucinating a lot.

[ A beat ]

So how do you mean creepy?

yeah, but you'd be watching a movie starring yourself fucking things up
so it's still just as bad to experience it all again

[ nnnnnnnn. sweats nervously ]

past me wanted this boy to be his oniichan so badly even though they're not related
he was forcefeeding the poor guy at one point
idk how anyone could top that

[ . . . ]

Honestly, I can think of several worse things? I'm not downplaying it, of course, but I'm not sure you need to put yourself or himself down that much.

It is unsettling though, wow.

yeah, i know
i just didn't expect that level of obsessiveness, i guess?
and from my perspective, that doesn't look like love at all
but the emotions i'm getting from my past self whenever i get a memory like that feels just like it
it's hard to explain since you can get all sorts of answers when you ask a bunch of people what love is, anyway

Oh no, I'm sure it is quite confusing.

Golly though, yeah, being obsessed with a love where you want them to have a specific role on top of it all seems a little much. But then, I suppose we all want something like that. ]

i mean, i do think loving someone that much would be unhealthy as hell
but being the object of that kind of affection, so long as it doesn't destroy them... it'd be really nice to experience that

though that's the story for another day
you've probably been through as much teenage drama as the rest of us, miss marker, so im not going to expound any further

Oh I have, but it's been a *long* time since those days. It's a little bit nostalgic, honestly! Plus I don't think my drama from back then was near as strange as I see people go through these days.

That's probably just that memories blur over time. What you remember ends up being the feelings and the broad strokes more than the details.

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