tw: suicide mentions in comments

[thesettingsun]

hey quick question
anyone else remember a (near) death experience and keep feeling like they're dying
even after the memory is over

it's not a panic attack mine are different

Comments

[sleepingknight]

Nnnnooo

Not exactly that

I felt like hanging around by trees for a while after I got my first memory though

Hey, are you okay?

[thesettingsun]

not really
feels like my heartbeat's slowing down and i'm about to pass out
haven't passed out yet though so it's probably just a feeling
but it's not a fun one

[sleepingknight]

That's awful

Do you need someone to stop by and hang out with you for a while?

[Suffering by yourself just... makes it all the worse, or at least, that's how she always felt.]

[thesettingsun]

that'd be nice
thanks

I'm at the jp national library, the one that showed up recently

[sleepingknight]

Ok

Hang on a sec and I'll be right there

Oh wait - anything I should pick up on the way?

[maidofmistakes]

Weird stuff has been happening with memories lately, but not that... that's pretty scary.

[thesettingsun]

yeah
remembering almost dying is bad enough normally

[maidofmistakes]

Do you think you got sick along with it?

[thesettingsun]

no
i had someone check my heartrate and it's normal
even though it feels like it slowed to a crawl

[standalonehuman]

[Nope. Nope. This is going to a phone call. This is not a text message conversation. Shuji. Shuji.]

[thesettingsun]

[moshi moshi shuji desu]

Hello?

[standalonehuman]

“Shuji.” Relief. “Are you all right? I saw your message, and-“

And he needed to hear that Shuji was there.

[thesettingsun]

"I'm okay." He sounds a little like he has something caught in his throat, but not like he's dying. "I had someone check my pulse and it's normal. It's just a feeling, not something that's actually happening."

[breakingvoice]

i remembered that Two died three different ways now
and they always come to me in nightmares and it's always more than i know how to handle
it's kind of the same, right?

what do you remember? if that's okay to ask.
and let me know if this is how you want to have this conversation, okay?
i can talk if you want to do that, too

[thesettingsun]

text is easier
thank you

dazai had a lot of suicide attempts
this one is the fourth one I've remembered
two by drowning, one by hanging, and this one with pills

[breakingvoice]

i'm sorry, shuji
it just
it sticks with you

Two was incinerated by a dragon, then stabbed through the stomach, then murdered by four people at once
and to this day it's hard for me to even think about dragons too hard
because things like this just stay in your head when they happen
i know you said it wasn't a panic attack and i can't say i know what exactly is happening, but

you don't deserve this
i'm sorry
i'm sorry that this is what you're remembering

[thesettingsun]

I'm sorry too
I understand how that is
I can't go to the beach anymore
I'm sorry things have been ruined for us

it's not a panic attack because I've had those
but it feels like my heartbeat is slow
and something's in my throat
and I'm going to pass out
but it's felt like that all day
and I had someone check my pulse and it's normal
it just feels like I'm dying

[blondferret]

Sort of. I got a memory of my other self almost dying (though at the time I thought he actually died.) I was screaming for a while after getting the memory.

Are you OK?

[Depending on how this person is doing, he might just leave out the fact he worried for months if the near death experience would happen to real life to him... which also eventually did happen. But hey, lets not worry this person too much... yet.]

[thesettingsun]

usually i just get panic attacks after the near death experience memories
this is new

[blondferret]

[Yup keep quiet about the injury he got from his memory. No panic attacks over the network please...]

How many near death experiences are you getting?

[What kind of life did his other self lead?]

[thesettingsun]

this is #4
one of them was an actual death experience

[fiddlestick]

No, I haven't. But I know people have been getting weird side effects from the memories.

Is there anything I can do to help?

[thesettingsun]

what do you do to get out of your own head?

[fiddlestick]

Me?

Well...I usually distract myself with practicing a particularly tough piece, or instrument. It keeps me too busy to think.

[thesettingsun]

what if you can't do that
because it feels like you're going to pass out
so you can't focus on hard things