retrospec | (no subject)

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(no subject)

I'll keep this short and to the point to give you guys time to strategize, catch up, all of that.

Congrats on your Magatus missions. Looks like everything's been cleared out as best as we can, but the region's been evacuated thanks to a couple of factors.

The new problem is we just added a bunch of people to city limits.

I've got some good news and some bad news.

Bad news: need some people out in Pesgare to do some deepdiving and recovery. It doesn't look like there's anything out there that'll kill you, but I need something from down there to stabilize Recollé itself.

Good news: got the subway working. Did you know it was just about coding? That's a little crazy to me and okay, I might have found out on accident, but…whatever was blocking exits from the city was just a false creation.

It means getting out of here and checking out the progress outside. The trains will be ready for departure in about a week, I'll get some maps drawn up and everything. I could really use some of you on location scouting.

Finally…who knows about machinery? We've got a problem we should probably look into, but keeping track of that eye's a huge pain in the ass.

Discuss, get in touch with me, prepare. You know the drill.

Zee Carlisle
Hiring Manager
Retr

spec Incorporated

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Yes, that's how it works. Can't have your pawns realizing that outside life is better...

I have experience with that too, unfortunately. So I know what you mean.

I didn't genuinely believe that outside life was better, was the problem. I was legitimately trying to save the world; it was just in the most delusional way possible.

I'm aware that my sympathies are meaningless. You have them anyway.

I will make an exception for this, and only this.

The only solace is that this life hasn't been quite as miserable as the last one. It's not something I typically describe to people, but I feel like I don't have to, in this case, even if our outlooks were a little bit different.

You don't. I'm generally available should you ever want to - I've discussed things like this in person before, and it's not something I'm opposed to - but this is enough for me to understand, at least.

It's good that you can be less miserable here, at least. I know it's little consolation - "less miserable" still isn't "not miserable" and I acknowledge that - but I am glad that you can take solace in that much.

I can't imagine that sort of fanaticism is too different between lives. I'll think about it. There isn't much that anyone could say about it... What happened has already happened a lifetime ago.

I'd still prefer "not shitty." Two lifetimes seems a bit much for punishment, or whatever this is supposed to be.

You believe it to be punishment?

I can't think of any other reason why it isn't.

Might I ask what you're being punished for, then?

I did some pretty terrible things. I am not going into detail in a public thread.

Even past me acknowledged that I couldn't be forgiven for those things, so it's not exactly something I'm making light of. I don't put a lot of stock in my memories, but if I was really that kind of person, I imagine it's followed me into this life, too.

Good people get good lives. Bad people don't.

I don't believe that to be true. I also know better than to think that I'm personally going to be able to convince you otherwise. I'm sure some would say that it's something you need to learn for yourself, but I find that condescending; if your life is truly as bad as you claim, then it's possible that that isn't an opportunity you're going to have.

If there's anything to be done to make it more bearable, then I'm willing to do so, should you want me to. I'm sure you know that much already.

I can't imagine anything can be done about crimes committed in a past life. It's as I said... What's done is done. I'm left dealing with it in this life, with the memories and regains and all that, because Retrosepc is in on the sick joke or this really is a form of punishment. I don't know. Either way, it's a dead end, and nothing that anyone can really "help" with.

[...]

You know I don't think you deserve this, don't you?

Regardless of what you may have done in your past life, suffering like this isn't any sort of just punishment, and you're permitted to seek some sort of solace if that's something you want. You don't deserve misery, and that's something I'm always going to hold to.

It's the only reasoning I have. I'm not much better off in this life, so there has to be some reason for it. Unless you want to acknowledge the cruelty of life in how random it can be, having to live like this twice over. I can accept any answer for it, because if things were meant to be okay, they'd be okay by now. It's just how things are, and they aren't so easy to change.

Do you believe they can be changed?

I used to.

I'm not certain what to tell you regarding that, outside of the notion that things do change. It's simply the nature of things, whether we want to believe it's by chance or by choice.

Sideways motion is still motion. Exchanging one misery for an equal but different misery may not feel like much, but different opportunities present along with it.

It's what I keep telling myself, anyway.

I recently received a memory about destiny, and my destiny to end part of the miserable situation I was stuck in. That makes it sound like it only ended because it was fated, not because of any actual action on my part. I am familiar with change, but it feels like fate takes precedence over all of that. Mine is just to live this life. I don't get any more chances here, or I haven't gotten far enough to have that chance. If it is meant to end, it'll end, just like I did back then too.

So you're under no obligation to do anything, simply because fate will decide things for you if it's meant to.

That sounds convenient.

What else am I supposed to do, exactly?

I maintain that you don't deserve suffering. I want to get that re-established now, before this turns into an argument and that gets thrown back into my face; regardless of what you have or haven't done, I don't believe that you deserve misery.

It just strikes me strangely. That someone who prides himself on being opportunistic, as you seem to, and likewise on refusing to accept handouts from anyone and anything and can't fathom why anyone else would... It seems odd to me that someone like that would be content with the notion that he shouldn't attempt to seek those opportunities for himself, but rather content himself with allowing fate to hand them to him.

It's a surprisingly passive mindset.

It is something that was just revealed to me through memories. I think I deserve a little convenience after everything. I have no intention to stop taking opportunities as I see fit. I also intend to take advantage of an convenience as I see fit. I don't want pity or hand outs, that much is true, because I've worked to get here. I worked to get where I was in my past life, questionable actions aside. It wasn't until after all was said and done, that I was told that it very well could have been my destiny to end the darkness that plagued not only me, but some of my family.

It's not that simple here. I have no family. I'm not going to stop at getting what I want, but I don't have the same kind of direction anymore. I don't have a future, so my goals are more... subtle, shall we say. If I am meant to let opportunities take care of themselves without my involvement, then I'll let them, so long as I see tangible benefits. Hard work is one part of it, but being smart about that work is another part. Otherwise end you end up as drone, easily manipulated by your own predictable nature. If fate wants to finally reward me, it is about time it has done so. For what it is worth, I do not think that my life will get any easier, or any better. A break is only temporary relief from whatever hell I have to go through next, after all.

Answer something for me, then: why do you believe that anything you've remembered in your past life and how things used to be with regards to destiny and fate has any bearing on what happens here?

Nothing makes sense otherwise. Why "regain" anything if there's no crossover between lives?

There was a corruption of sorts that claimed the lives of all humans once it became too great, in my world. A natural byproduct of being human, something that grew in our hearts and changed us into unthinking, ravening monsters that could do nothing but destroy.

And yet I haven't seen anyone turning into any such thing here. However, that was an inherent part of nature and the world.

Where is the crossover there? If inherent forces such as destiny intersect between lives in such a way, why does humanity not naturally produce corruption like that as well?

I have an alternate personality. This life and past life. He is evil.

There's your answer, as I can only answer for myself and not others.