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[recollecters]

Greetings, Users. Our system may be experiencing some residual glitches from a recent network malfunction. Our technical team is working on getting these issues under control. Please direct any concerns in the meantime to the HR department at humanresources@retrospec.com. Our staff has furthermore noticed a significant increase in tags and trends for #aprilfools and #pranks. Keep on your toes and be certain to tag your best tricks for Retrospec™! Please feel free to use this post as a network mingle. Every toplevel can be considered a new post, and threadjacking is permitted. No NPC response will be given. Any emails sent to the HR department will be returned with a failure to send notification, and will furthermore automatically be posted to the Retrospec network. Oops? Characters who have been in game for one month will find they can now change their profile pictures. Glitches will be in effect until the 15th and may include: -Usernames changing to a cat, dog, or bird pun. -The Retrospec application being changed into a neon color + animal theme of some variety. -Notifications going off at random and being unable to be turned off. -Various "special effects" crossing the screens when people comment. -Users having to beat a level of pac-man to access the application, and then being made to beat a new level every hour to keep using the application. -Thomas the Tank Engine memes being sent to users every hour for some reason. -Profile pictures being replaced by pictures of rabbits and easter eggs. -New creepy pasta stories appearing upon log-in, to be forwarded to someone before the app can continue to be used -Parental lock and auto-correct on cursing (i.e. fuck -> duck) -A parade of pixel Chocobos or dancing fruit scrolling across the screen after each comment posted

Comments

[parodeity]

wait i just squinted at the userpic
did they
did they censor a word in your userpic
oh my god

1/2

[parodeity]

tbh i think its just an inconsistent piece of shit
i cant say the f word
or like
heck
but with double hockeysticks?

un: jack dawgs

[hjack69]

ok what the frickle frack is this bullpockey
if youre not going to let me cuss i dont want to be alive

[parodeity]

*that but not red

[notyourutopian]

Clever could be a bit less bright maybe.
Yeah they seem to be phoning these puns in.

Is oral hygiene a constant concern of yours?

[standalonehuman]

Hitori Togusa It started as a way to see if any of the Department heads were on here?
Hitori Togusa But then Retrospec hasn't been providing a user list, so, I've been trying to keep up with the names.
Hitori Togusa It got harder with March, I know I'm off.

[notyourutopian]

So we need to make a whole new swear lexicon.
Words with the appropriate amount of punch and gravitas but that won't set off whatever this stupid new censor thing is.
God I hope this isn't permanent.

[rhapsodeity]

what do you mean censor
it says duck you what else is it suppose to say

[standalonehuman]

Hitori Togusa Yeah, it figures. I'm still sure someone is reading this. Why do they want content out of us so often otherwise?

[godcards]

Not all of us are so lucky. Though mine is purple and has birds.

I have no idea who Roxy is or why I should care.

[parodeity]

+10
but i guess we just have to get creative
save the f bombs for nuclear armageddon irl
and do some linguistic tangoing on this stupid app

[appraiser]

the announcement of the fruit was fundamentally happy— it came with a proposal. they couldn't have predicted a negative reaction from the user base
i mean
if people are unhappy with the app, they can stop using it any time
neon colors and pac-man locks tend to turn people away naturally
but the dancing apples are cute? that's a huge draw

[notyourutopian]

Elliecat Harder how?

[godcards]

These things aren't going to go away... It is best to get used it, tiring as it may be. Although I agree that is tiring to deal with anything having to do with this company.

[rhapsodeity]

noooo i have good oral hygiene
my wisdom teeth havent even come in yet!
ok now its pac man exploding into a bunch of ghosts

[appraiser]

cute
the cats
but also the name?

[notyourutopian]

I suggested we burn their building down but was told no.
So I guess we just keep riding this out.

[trueend]

Purina Friskies can we ask retrospec to delete itself
Purina Friskies i dont want more scary stories????
Purina Friskies thought i got rid of them last month 💀💀💀

[parodeity]

my sister
she likes neon pink and cats

so like
neon purple with birds
that sounds like preppy goth

[notyourutopian]

Oh no you have to beat the level or it'll lock up your phone!

[parodeity]

duck you
i mean
d u c k you
oh come on
for
ur
continued
kleptomania
you

[standalonehuman]

Hitori Togusa There wasn't a way to separate out who is a new user versus an old one, and there's a lot more content now.
Hitori Togusa I can't just keep an eye on a few groupings of posts and take a count.
Hitori Togusa Also, at least one person I can verify has left. He moved out of the city, and his profile isn't on the site anymore.

un: elizardbeth woof

[tearable]

to: humanresources@retrospec.com
from: retrobilly1912@gmail.com

Honestly, this is the biggest shot in the dark but — if you're actually receiving e-mails, I'd like to know how you've received our information to sign us up for this service. I know it's common knowledge that some newsletters sell their database of e-mails to telemarketers, but — there's laws against that, isn't there?

If you have not obtained our e-mail addresses such as that, how are you determining those for alpha users, beta users, etc etc. There are people who wish to opt out of this service and you're denying them. There's a ToS for a reason!

And stop sending my daughter fruit! Fruit with faces on it! What the HELL is wrong with you?!

---

[ A moment later, in a separate message: ]

Oh, wonderful.

[parodeity]

same
i would have to use an entirely different weird hallucinogenic media app
which doesnt exist
man wheres the competitor

[rhapsodeity]

what!
i am not a thief dave
how dare you????