[text] backdated to evening of april 5th

[frostythehitman]

So, Yuri and I just went to check out the Retrospec building for ourselves. Spoilers, we found jack. But if you want to know exactly what flavor of jack, here's all the details:


First off, the whole place was wide open. Like, the front doors were totally open and there were no security guards or anything. We just walked right in like no one cared or was even in the building. Which is weird, given that it was like 4pm on a Wednesday.

[ Here's a photo of the lobby. To the side, one can make out the edge of the receptionist's desk, and shoved off to the side, a TV and some potted plants. To the other side, a small row of chairs. In the center of the photo, though, is an elevator. ]

Apparently this elevator was missing last month, but it's back now. It doesn't work--if you press the button, it just starts playing the opening lines to some guy's standup comedy show or something from the loudspeakers.

[ This time, a photo of a hallway! To those who have visited Retrospec before themselves, the hallway will look familiar, although...is it longer now? Are there more doors than before there? ]

We found a bunch of doors down this way but all of them were locked, go figure. They were also rigged with joybuzzers or something, so you got shocked every time you put your hand on the doorknob.

[ And lastly, a dedicated photo of the receptionist's desk! It's tidy, almost spotless, with nothing on the desk save for a single pink sticky note with 'Jim + Janet' written on it stuck to the table surface, and a small assortment of desk toys. There's a phone, positioned at an awkward angle on the desk. ]

Nothing useful here either. The desk is completely empty and all the drawers are locked except for the top one. And even then, there's nothing in there but some Retrospec-branded stationery. The phone's not even plugged into anything, but it rang once and when we picked up, it was some voice asking us over and over for a knock knock joke.

I didn't get photos of these, but the chairs were all rigged with whoopie cushions and the TV just plays that dumb dancing fruit Bohemian Rhapsody thing on loop.

So like I said: we found a complete load of nothing. The only April fools around here was us. The whole trip was so useless, it's almost like they were expecting us to show up.

So there you go. So much for getting any more details out of these jerks.

Comments

[frostythehitman]

[ James genuinely has no idea if this counts as friendship or not--all they've done together is come up with risky jackass plots to test out Retrospec and its reality-bending limits. ]

If "breaking into the offices of a reality-altering social media app together" counts as friends, then yes.

Looks more like a joke shop to me so far. No one was even around, so it's not like any work was getting done.

[constellates]

["hey i'm bucky and that's yuri and this is jackass"]

oh maybe it does ?

but the note said jim and janet yes ?
maybe they have odd hours

[frostythehitman]

[ you jest but no, really. that's his life. ]

Why would the building be open when they're not there then?

[constellates]

bad security
secret trap door
hidden elevator
ghosts ?

[frostythehitman]

And how do ghosts tie into this, exactly?

[constellates]

jim and janet are there and you do not see them
it is odd
and i do not like ghosts
but i do not have other ideas

[frostythehitman]

You just said "bad security, secret trap door, and hidden elevator."

But I'm not gonna lie--after the past month, I'm willing to believe anything. Ghosts included.

[constellates]

other ideas besides those things
and ghosts

it is too bad we do not know for sure

[frostythehitman]

I'm still betting that they were just watching us from behind one of those joybuzzer-rigged doors, eating popcorn and all laughing at us trying to figure out what's going on.

[constellates]

you could not pick a lock ?

[that's not an average skillset, anya]

[frostythehitman]

No.

I almost broke down one of the doors, but I don't want them coming after me for property damage.

[constellates]

we should save money
so we can break down doors for the bigger good

[no wait hold on]

greater good !

[frostythehitman]

If you're going to be breaking down doors, it's going to be without me. I don't need "breaking down doors on private property" on my record.

[constellates]

i think it is for good reason
maybe if a police man or woman who is also on the network did the breaking down it will be ok

[frostythehitman]

Yeah, they can take the heat for it.

If I do it, breaking down the door "for a good reason" won't be enough to keep me out of juvie.

[constellates]

sneaking in is ok ?

[frostythehitman]

[ He types a response to this and has to backspace it like 5 times because honestly, he's not sure how he's justifying this to himself either, really. ]

Sneaking in isn't as bad! Plus, the doors were open,
that's like, inviting people in.

[constellates]

[bucky deserves better than this]

oh
that is true
you would have turned around if they were closed ?

[... a much less impressive story but sshhh it's ok]

[frostythehitman]

Well
No
But

[ Look, he was never good at logic. The truth is, he just doesn't have the impulse control needed to stay out of trouble. Not that he'd ever realize that himself. ]

I had the chance to go in and check the place out, so why wouldn't I? I'm just trying to learn more about what we're dealing with here.

Knowledge is power, The More You Know, etc.

[constellates]

i did not say it was a bad thing
did anyone say thank you yet ?
thank you bucky !

[she'll tell yuri thank you later it's whatever]

[frostythehitman]

[ Well that's not a phrase that he hears often. ]

Sure, you're welcome.

[constellates]

[ok cool she's content

she's also just about done with this conversation but there's one more point she wants to drive home - ]

i do not know if you and yuratchka are friends
but my name is anya
and i hope that we can be friends !
if you need more help later
let me know too please

[yuri wasn't kidding when he said that she'll try to make friends with literally anyone but listen bucky seems nice??]

[frostythehitman]

"Yuratchka"?

[ Name confusion aside, though, he's never experienced someone so forward and blunt about friendship before. (Or anyone who's actually wanted to be his friend, really, at least as far as he could tell.) He likes it. Short, simple, and unmistakeable. ]

But yeah, sure, I'll let you know. Not sure what help I'd need but I'll keep you posted.

[constellates]

oh !
yuri
it is a nickname in russian
but do not call him that he will get mad
mad at anya too

[leave it anya to probably say way too much and be too direct about everything]

that is good
i will always want to help
so now you have it

[frostythehitman]

[ As soon as she explains that it's a nickname, it's like something clicks in his head for him and the nicknaming conventions she's talking about make total sense.

Weird. ]

Because Anya's short for Anastasia, right?