001. text // i'm wide awake the more i sleep

[manufactured]

I'll preface this now with the notion that I don't expect anyone to respond with the content of their memories, should this be relevant to them. It's more a question being shouted into the void, because I don't care to keep it in my head any longer. Make of it what you will; treat it as a pure hypothetical if it suits you, it isn't as though I'll know the difference.

But has anyone had the suspicion that they may have been on the wrong side of whatever conflict may have been occurring in these memories of theirs? Or if not something so drastic, perhaps it's just that the person you seem to have been back then was deserving of, at the very least, a solid shake and a slap across the face.

Either way, people like to assert here that whomever you are now isn't the same as the person you're remembering, and I wholeheartedly agree with that notion. However, the question likewise comes up from time to time of whether or not the patterns we recall are what we're destined to fall into again.

That possibility becomes decidedly more difficult to disregard when the memories you receive are of someone that you have neither the interest nor the desire to become.

Comments

before the punching but after the texting??

[thesettingsun]

Hallucinomemory me had several issues. I hope I'm not going down that path... Some of the things he does seem like me but taken to an extreme.

And then some of them are just totally inexcusable and stupid.

that works for me!

[manufactured]

You recall the conversation we had a while ago, I assume - in which you asserted that the person I'm remembering was possibly neither sane nor rational. It seems you were more or less correct in that assessment, at least as far as I can tell.

In other words, I do understand "inexcusable and stupid," as it were.

[thesettingsun]

I remember. Past me could probably have used some therapy for other reasons, but mostly I'm talking about how apparently he cheated on his wife and had an illegitimate child.

[manufactured]

...That sounds charming. Was he aware of the child in question at the time, or did that come later?

[scythegun]

Sounds like you've been having fun.

I suppose some of us are experiencing memories that would paint us in a negative light, but that doesn't necessarily mean we're bound to repeat that. I'd say circumstances are pretty important, wouldn't you?

[thesettingsun]

The memory was of him being asked to publicly acknowledge that the child was his and name her. He also agreed to pay child support, which is the least he can do for being terrible.

[manufactured]

I would, of course, as is the element of personal choice. I'm not one to believe in fate or destiny, or in true acts of God for that matter.

At the same time, certain things are a bit difficult to ignore, particularly without context for why they came to be.

[manufactured]

At least there was that much; it could have been infinitely worse. Though I suppose that's small consolation.

[scythegun]

At that point I'd argue that it's not fair to judge without knowing the context. Of course, that's easier said than done here, when we have no way of knowing when or IF we'll get the context.

[manufactured]

In some cases, I'm not certain if context would be preferred or if it would just prove ultimately detrimental.

[scythegun]

That bad, huh? I haven't received anything quite that terrible - everything I've gotten has me questioning why it happened and what led to it. But I suppose everyone's experiences are very different!

[thesettingsun]

I would never cheat on anyone. That's a disgusting thing to do to someone you care about, and I hope someone actually slapped him across the face for it.

I guess that's still better than what you're getting, though.

[manufactured]

Yes and no.

Apparently I likewise didn't have the best track record with not being terrible toward people that cared about me.

[manufactured]

Oh, I'm not saying that I'm not questioning everything that I've recalled so far. The concern isn't that there's some sort of context that I'll be unhappy with, simply because any explanation would be better than being left to wonder about it.

My concern is rather that there is no context - that everything I'm recalling is a matter of insanity or irrationality as opposed to anything that's happening for a reason.

A bad reason would be preferable to no reason at all. I just know better than to assume that there's going to be a satisfying explanation for everything.

[scythegun]

Oh, I see! Yes, that certainly is more terrifying than getting an answer at some point, even if it is a terrible one.

Do you really believe that it's insanity that's behind all of your memories? It might be too soon to tell, but I'm curious.

[manufactured]

I don't think I know enough to make a solid assessment just yet. There may in fact be something else driving all of it, and I just don't have all the answers as to what for the time being.

However, some of the things I've recalled have contained enough that I can't rule it out entirely.

[thesettingsun]

We can make an organization for people whose past selves were terrible. Our motto can be quod periit, periit and we can give motivational speeches at schools or something.

[scythegun]

I see. I sincerely do hope that you discover that there's something behind it even if it is something ridiculous or unbelievable.

[manufactured]

It seems a fair motto for this place as a whole, if I'm recalling correctly - "what is lost is lost," isn't it?

[thesettingsun]

Right. The past, if that's what we're seeing, is the past, and you can't change it. You can just move on from there.

[manufactured]

As do I.

I'm not certain how willing I am just yet to deliberately try to induce more of those memories to surface, if such a thing is possible - I know that some have tried it. At the same time, I'm likewise not certain how content I am to leave things as they are. I know that we've said that it would be preferable not to remember, but the longer I think about it, the less content I am to leave it be.

[manufactured]

Something that would be far simpler and less infuriating if we could remember it from the start, granted.

[scythegun]

No, I believe you're right. Not knowing may be best for some people, but I can't stand it any longer. I want to know everything that happened, that led me to where I was. Regardless of how painful it may be or how ridiculous it might seem, I want to know.

Intentionally inducing memories is an interesting idea, but I have no idea how one would go about that.

[manufactured]

It almost seems like something that shouldn't be meddled with, doesn't it?

[...which means he's probably gonna meddle with it one day, just fuckin' watch him.

just...not now.]

[scythegun]

Do try not to meddle with it TOO hard. The last thing I'd need is for you to mess yourself up with this!

[But he's certain there's no stopping Wesker and he's curious anyway, so why the hell not.]