[video] forward dated to 9/13

[appraiser]

Ryoji Mochizuki shared a video.
09/13 near Apprassage

[ The video starts up, dark, silent. A bedroom, if an empty desk and neatly made bed and too many cardboard boxes count as a bedroom, and then the view flips over with a soft ] Oh. [ as the user finds the front-facing camera instead of the rear that he always uses on his phone. ]

Hi... It's been a while.

[ The bottom half of the screen blurs as Ryoji draws his knees to his chest where he sits on bare floorboards, phone in his hands. He doesn't introduce himself— doesn't need to, when his name is up there for people who don't know him, his face right here for people who do: the people he's recording this video for, whispers in an empty room. ]

I'm back. I know there are probably questions as to why, or how... and I can't really explain it well myself. But I'll answer the best I can, if you want to ask, texting or in person.

[ Ryoji sits up a little straighter now, looks a little more serious. This is what he meant to say: a confession. ]

But before that, I want to say that I'm glad to be back, however it happened... a second chance like this. I also want to be more upfront about myself, and there are things I want to say to a lot of people.

There was a time in the past where I was a monster: I'd hurt a lot of people, and I ran from all of that, hid myself away, and pretended it hadn't happened. The memories I've been experiencing, I kept the good ones close, the bad even closer, pretending they weren't real and that they have nothing to do with me. I thought... that it would be better to forget about all of that and return to a simpler time. Unconsciously, I think that's what I did. I went back to before everything happened, to start over, and do better this time. But I got it wrong. I made myself forget, but I wasn't forgotten...

[ He's rambling now, a little, so he turns his eyes away from the screen, staring off at something in the distance- it's the moon reflected in his eyes, only half. ]

There's somebody I still need to say goodbye to, but after that... I want to see so many of you. I owe a lot of "thank you"s and "I'm sorry"s and "I love you"s, and I want to be with people again. I don't want to leave this world or its people ever again.

So... I'll see you guys soon.




( ooc: forward dated to 9/13 to give myself a buffer. replies can be via text, or an in-person if you want to fast-forward to ryoji showing up at your character's house/class/chance meeting at some cafe/hi roommates/he'll be finding people around town somehow. for his cr, please assume he checked up on them, whether it's handwaved or not! )

Comments

[lalliho]

[Not an uncommon reaction to conversations with Lalli tbh]

No...? Not really. I just said we used to go to the same school and he did something I remembered for some reason. Then he asked if he could text me?

[Weird, but public conversation was weirder.]

[appraiser]

[ "He did something I remembered for some reason" is pretty much why Ryoji acts the way he does: pushy, exuberant, noticeable whether good or bad. Taking mental notes here to ramp up that sunshine around everybody else but Lalli, ok. ]

Then, you could have been friends from long ago. It would have been nice to have a childhood friend.

[lalliho]

[apologies to literally everyone]

I don't know. There's not really a point to thinking about that, though.

[appraiser]

[ He's making this face a lot today ]

Yeah, that's true... So, what, I just sit here and hope people remember me? I think after today, I'm just going to be "that one guy who died."

[lalliho]

[raises eyebrow]

If I were you, I'd rather have a stranger think I was the one guy who died than the one guy who's really annoying and doesn't know boundaries. The first one's interesting. I might talk to the first one.

[appraiser]

I don't want people to be interested in me because of something that happened to me, instead of for being the person I am.

[lalliho]

[He's out of napkins...]

Prompto took a picture and won a contest. I talked to him. We're friends now. People aren't going to be your friend because you died. That doesn't help them at all. But they will talk to you no then maybe like you.

If you're all weird and pushy and that's all, people like me are going to avoid that. Stupid.

[appraiser]

[ good. ]

Weird and pushy isn't all I am. ...I think, anyways. I've never had that much trouble making friends, but I've also never had a lot of people to argue with either. Maybe two people. They called me stupid, too.

[lalliho]

Mrnh. If I didn't give you more chances, I would just think you're weird and pushy. That's what you show most of the time I see you.

[But he's getting a headache from arguing this point, it's really exhausting, so he's gonna shovel the rest of this burrito in. And talk around it.]

Jusshkumdn.

[appraiser]

[ Ryoji tries very hard to repeat what Lalli just mumbled through his burrito. ]

Is that Finnish?

[lalliho]

[.......................suppresses a sigh and swallows]

No. "Just calm down". I know I'm different from a lot of people, but you still need to listen when I say that what you do can be scary and fake.

[appraiser]

...Calm is hard. Especially if I'm happy about something, it's a feeling I don't want to suppress. How do you do it? Not being excited about everything?

[lalliho]

[...?]

I just don't do that.

[It's not...hard...]

You're not happy all the time [like, that's impossible.] but you're always acting weird.

[appraiser]

If I'm not happy, then I'm trying to become happy. Is that weird?

[lalliho]

[Siiiigh, he would really like to nap, but that's not happening, so he's going to get to his feet and put the rest of this food in the fridge. Sorry, melty cheese. You're gonna get bad.]

Probably not. But it's weird if you're not happy and you're smiling and flirting with people you barely know. That's just lying.

[appraiser]

[ Next time, Lalli would choose a better delivery boy, because Ryoji also gets up and patters behind him to the fridge to continue the conversation. He has to stay close so Lalli can see and hear how earnest he is. ]

Flirting isn't lying! None of those words are lies.

[lalliho]

[Jesus. He shoots him daggers, holding up a hand to halt Ryoji and then taking a few steps back. Just. Space.]

You're still pretending things are fine when they aren't. I do not want someone flirting with me to make themselves feel better.

[appraiser]

I don't want people worrying about me and trying to cheer me up.

[ a pause ]

Also I've never flirted with you ever in my life.

[lalliho]

You want to cheer up by talking with people, but don't want people to cheer you up? That's stupid.

[Stop? Being stupid? Also, this is nonsense. He doesn't know anything about flirting, and yet he's almost positive that's what it was.]

Good. But I don't believe you.

[appraiser]

I want to be able to cheer myself up, and I can do that by talking to people. They don't need to do anything more for me in return.

[ He tries to reason it out, but is having just as much luck as he would convincing Lalli that he doesn't flirt. aka he can say all he wants, but the onus of believing isn't on him. ]

[lalliho]

[Unfortunately, it's a way of thinking that Lalli can't wrap his head around, no matter how much he tries. His brain just...doesn't follow the same tracks. Normally he's fine with letting the misunderstanding go, having accepted the gap in communication at times, but he wanted to try this time. It matters a lot to Ryoji... Not necessarily this conversation, but connecting with one another in general.

So yeah, he's irritated that they aren't able to see eye to eye on this.]

I don't get it. Why do you want to do everything and not have other people try? They need to do stuff too, if you're going to. It's not fair otherwise. That doesn't...feel like how friendship should be.

[appraiser]

[ There's a strong sense of déjà vu in this conversation, which has Ryoji just staring at Lalli until it clicks. This is the conversation he's had before when talking about love, how he wasn't being fair with that either, and he'd "lost" that conversation. ]

...Because I'm the only factor that I can control. If a friendship isn't working out, that means I'm just not putting enough effort into understanding the other person.

[lalliho]

Or that they suck.

[Like. Just sayin'. Anyway, this time he's sitting on the arm of the sofa, then falling back to lay on half of it. Mmn, not being vertical...so nice.]

Friendship is hard. I'm tired of talking about it.

[appraiser]

[ People don't suck! ...but friendship is hard, sometimes, so Ryoji takes a seat on the other half of the sofa, sitting properly because he can't lie down on it with Lalli there. ]

What are your plans for today?

[lalliho]

Mmmn...

[Is...is that all...]

Internet, I guess. Probably binge watch something. I don't know.