retrospec | (no subject)

It's like Retrospec just grabbed whoever they could find and stuck them here with a life that's... not as real as it seems.

I don't know. Sometimes my memories feel more real.

A life that's not as-

Shouto! What do you mean?! You can't possibly think that those "memories" are the real versions or whatever of ourselves, that doesn't make any sense!

[He drops his gaze down.]

... They feel real. All of it, the pain and the heat- it feels too real to be fake.

[He wants to deny it. He wants to scream and shout at Shouto that he's wrong wrong WRONG, he has to be because what will become of Cutter if Shouto is right?! But one look at Shouto's face and it all gets stuck in his throat, strangling the words that are still fighting to come on.

After a long moment of fighting with himself Cutter reaches out and grabs Shouto's shoulder. He gives it a tight squeeze as he seeks to meet his eyes, jaw set and way too many emotions flickering through his own red ones.

Cutter is scared.

But so has to be Shouto and he'll be damned if he can't just shut up and be there for his friend when the other needs it.]

This world or the other, I'm on your side!

[They're both scared. He thought he knew where things stood, he thought he knew what was real. But more and more it seems like he doesn't, and that's terrifying.

His gaze is downcast, but when Cutter grabs his shoulder he looks up- there aren't tears in his eyes, but the look on his face makes it seem like there might be very soon.

There's a very soft, exhausted laugh before he takes Cutter's hand on his shoulder and squeezes it.]

Thank you. It... It means a lot.

Edited 2017-12-20 04:12 (UTC)

Anytime.

[There is more he has to say. More that he should say, leaving it at that doesn't feel like it really is enough but try as he might Cutter cannot figure out what else would be right to say.

In the end he simply squeezes Shouto's shoulder once more before dropping his hand.]

We're in this together. You trusted me and got my back all this time, so I'd be no man if I wouldn't return the favor. You can count on me.

[For everything.]

[Shouto's quiet as always. He's never been the type to pry, and he kind of figures that if Cutter wants to say something that he'd say it.

He has no idea.]

... I feel like you know more about my problems than I know about yours.

Hah! [He barks out a laugh, loud enough to mask the insecurity behind it.]

That's because I'm a simple guy. I don't really have any problems that aren't, y'know, obvious!

But I don't mind talking about me if there's anything you wanna know. All you gotta do is ask!

[That's half a lie. Cutter doesn't want to bother others with his weaknesses, so he does his damnest to keep his deeper insecurities and fears hidden and locked away. But he is also a terrible liar, so his dodging around certain topics tends to be really obvious.]

... You're really fine with everything that's happening? It seems... Stressful.

Mr. Aizawa said you weren't in class for a while too.

...Not really. [and just like that his smile crashes and burns.

Cutter looks at the ground, trying to find a way to say what he feels while still making it sound like it's not such a big deal. It's just teeth after all, right?

(His fingers clench into fists at the thought.)]

Truth be told that must've happened back when I got my fangs. All my normal teeth had to go before they could grow in so things got a bit messy for a couple of days.

........... I wasn't really happy with that, but what can I do? I think I'm slowly getting used to them.

As for the rest, you know how I feel about the whole retrospec and remembering our 'other lives' deal. That hasn't really changed. I'm just past the point of freaking out over and over again. Now I'm doing my best to figure out what I can do.

...

[He was the one who asked, so now he has to do... something about it. But he doesn't really know and he's pretty garbage at comforting people. Or at least he thinks so, anyway.]

Yeah... I know. I know it's not a lot, and I know it can't really change anything. But... Mom says talking about your problems can help. Just getting it out there, you know?

I guess we're in the acceptance stage of whatever Restrospec is putting us through.

Haha, yeah! Your mom sounds like a wise woman who knows what she's talking about!

[He laughs and perks up, making sure to bury his nasty little feelings of helplessness and frustration right back where they came from.]

But 'acceptance stage,' huh? I wonder what it is we've been grieving in that case.

[Probably themselves and their loss of it. He doesn't voice those thoughts, though.]

In any case, it took us long enough to get there too, I'd say. Time to count our losses and move on to bigger wins, right?

My mom is the best.

[Even if the reality of her is... questionable at best. He still loves her, and he doesn't doubt that.]

Ourselves, probably.

Yeah... I wish I was as forward as you are about things. There's gotta be an up somewhere.

Haha, that's never gonna change about you! You're such a momma's boy, I don't get how anybody could ever get scared of you!

[Even when he can sling fire and ice Shouto is still a model son when it comes to his mother. That's gotta be real family love!]

But you think? I dunno if you can really call me all that forward, I mean apparently we're both coming from some super heroes world and I don't even remember running around half naked or wearing some spandex underwear over my pants! That's pretty chaste as far as superheroes go, right?

Who said they were scared of me? [He looks utterly bewildered for a moment.]

Running around half naked sounds really cold. It's probably better this way... I think?

Do you remember something about a sports festival? I do and you were one of the finalists - people were sorry for whoever had to go up against you!

[He says it in a way that makes it obvious that it's meant as a compliment. Shouto being this crazy strong and making it that far in what he remembered admittedly as a pretty crazy contest is pretty manly after all!]

Do you even still get cold? Or can you use your fire to just warm yourself up whenever you feel a chill?

I remember fighting Izuku and the calvary battle there.

[He gives an amused huff at the compliment. That's the other him who's actually aware of his powers and knows how to use them properly.]

No. I automatically adjust to whatever the weather is like. ... I still like sweaters though.

[Cutter hums in agreement even though his own memories of the details and exact match-ups are still fuzzy.]

It's strange sometimes I feel like there's something that should make it important to me, but from what I remember it was just a sports tournament in the end. I mean, besides that crazy showdown between you and Izuku~

Wait, so does that mean that your body is that of Frosty the Snowman in the winter and Scaldy McHot in the summer? It's pretty impressive, pal!

... Did you fight somebody in the festival too? Maybe that's it.

[He looks up to the sky for a moment before snorting and shaking his head.]

My body is warmer in the winter and colder during the summer. It depends which side of me you're on too though.

...I dunno. Maybe? I think I fought.

[He probably shouldn't frame it as a question, but his memory is really fuzzy whenever it comes to his own involvement. Maybe because it was one of the first things he remembered.

All thoughts about people he should remember are forgotten at the new implication of Shouto's words.]

Ohhhh, really~? Then I can do this and just use you as an oven or a freezer whenever it gets too hot or cold?!

[There's no warning, just Cutter trying to drape himself over Shouto's shoulders to the best of his abilities like a real friend (meaning without any regards for how heavy he is or that he's invading Shoutos personal bubble at all).]

[Shouto is startled out of whatever he was going to do and just allows it to happen.]

H-huh...?

[His left side does start to heat up a bit.]

Ahhhh~ That's so warm! You're the best, bro, I feel like a cat that found the perfect spot in a batch of sun lying on you! I'm gonna stay like this for the rest of winter, ok?

[He laughs, squirming a little so that he can get more contact between his chest and Shouto's warm side, making a pleased little noise when he succeeds.]

I can't believe you're using me like this.

[He says it so dryly, but it's very clear he doesn't mind, since he makes no attempt to get away.]

I can't believe you're letting me use you like this.

[He shoots right back, only lifting his head so that he can grin cheekily up at Shouto.]