002. text // i say it is, then it's true

[manufactured]

This is another of those questions in which I'm not explicitly asking for details, if you don't care to share them; I've simply found that shouting into a void is useful, if not a productive use of my time. But now that the matter of our souls has been brought into question, I suppose this feels more relevant than it would normally.

As time goes on and you have more and more memories forcibly shoved into your head, do you find yourself having difficulty keeping your thoughts and reactions separate from those of the person whose memories you're recalling? Or to put it a different way, do you ever feel the lines blurring – do you understand things that you previously thought you never would, or do you find yourself relating to things that you suspect you shouldn't?

And if so, has that sort of shift in perception changed what you believe you deserve?

Comments

[daemonized]

Ah, the issue that we all are starting to face as the months pass.

[The rings rather close to his own concerns, though he feels no need to say it. Perhaps by merely responding to this, it's obvious enough.]

You said something about lines blurring, and I imagine the degree of this is dependent upon the sort of memories that each person is receiving. The unpleasant ones, particularly, are the ones that stick the most -- and as a result, the ones that resonate more loudly than the others. But if you want my personal experience, I'm merely finding that these memories are very pervasive. I think on them almost everyday, though I don't think I've changed my way of thinking based on the personality of that other "me".

[As far as he knows.]

I take it not all of yours have been pleasant?

[manufactured]

You raise a valid point, regarding the content of the memories that are being brought back; to answer your question, my own have been overwhelmingly negative, to the point that positive things seem jarring. Welcome, certainly, but bizarre nonetheless. The more of them I receive, the more I understand why they're geared that way; I suppose that's a factor in it as well.

[daemonized]

Then I reflect the question back at you, if you don’t mind indulging my curiosities. Do you feel yourself changing as a result?

[manufactured]

I do - this would hardly be a question I would consider posing, otherwise.

[daemonized]

In what way? If you care to share.

[manufactured]

It's understandably difficult to quantify the extent of it, because changes and shifts like this are likely better observed by a third party - whether impartial or not. It's simply not something that one can really grasp the scope of for themselves, at least not in its entirety.

But I find myself having thoughts and coming to conclusions that I'm fairly certain that I never would have before all of this happened. I've also found that lately there's been a greater tendency, or at least a greater lack of hesitation, toward violence as well, though I can't say for sure how much is due to the version of myself that I've seen in these memories and how much is a latent trait that I was discouraged from before. Either way, that latter trait developing out of the past six months is slightly concerning.

[daemonized]

Do you mean to say that you're growing a temper?

You said that it's easier to judge by utilizing a third party; so then, have friends or family noticed a change?

[manufactured]

I mean to say that I've solved several problems over the past several months with "just shoot it" and I've been highly irritated with the version of myself in my memories for not simply killing someone that I knew would be a problem later, whereas that thought would have been repulsive to me six months ago.

As for friends and family... I don't have any living family left, and when it comes to my friends most of them don't know - or, I suppose, they didn't until now, should they choose to look at this - and the ones that do aren't the sort that would say anything.

[daemonized]

I see.

[It seems like not enough to reply to all of that, an "I see". But it's solidarity, in a strange way. Perhaps Ardyn has not flown to the extreme the same way Wesker has, but that fear is there. That he's moving down an incline, with no way of stopping himself.]

And yet this is enough to still concern you now, which implies that you wish to change this devolving outcome? Or do you truly only ask out of curiosity?

[manufactured]

[He understands, really; he's likewise prone to things like that. Understated solidarity without really saying anything beyond that.]

I would prefer to change it still, should that be an option in the first place.

[daemonized]

Then I might I suggest something? It's how I plan on dealing with any unwanted changes in the future, though it may sound a bit cliche.

[manufactured]

Cliché or not, I'm at least willing to hear it.

[daemonized]

I would try to rely on the friends you have to point out when you're beginning to turn away from the old you. When you're crossing a line, or when you've said something that you wouldn't normally say, or think something you wouldn't normally think... Let them be your reason, because they can see that change more prevalently than yourself.

[manufactured]

[Ah, that's...]

That's fair, really. And I don't think it sounds so much cliché as rational. Consider it appreciated, either way.

[daemonized]

...But?

[He thinks he can make out a "But... that won't work for me" in that response. Or maybe he's just imagining it.]

[manufactured]

It's something I'll have to give some thought to, is all. One of those things that's easier said than done.

[daemonized]

I understand completely.

That being said, if you think of something that works better in general, do share. This is a problem that will require many heads to find a solution for. I'd hate to turn into someone I'm not, after all.

[manufactured]

I'd imagine not.

Don't worry, any revelations on this aren't anything I'm interested in keeping to myself.