002. text // i say it is, then it's true

[manufactured]

This is another of those questions in which I'm not explicitly asking for details, if you don't care to share them; I've simply found that shouting into a void is useful, if not a productive use of my time. But now that the matter of our souls has been brought into question, I suppose this feels more relevant than it would normally.

As time goes on and you have more and more memories forcibly shoved into your head, do you find yourself having difficulty keeping your thoughts and reactions separate from those of the person whose memories you're recalling? Or to put it a different way, do you ever feel the lines blurring – do you understand things that you previously thought you never would, or do you find yourself relating to things that you suspect you shouldn't?

And if so, has that sort of shift in perception changed what you believe you deserve?

Comments

[thesettingsun]

Not yet, but I wouldn't be surprised if that starts to happen.

You're seeing things from someone else's perspective, literally. If you're put into that point of view often enough, you'll understand it better.

[manufactured]

As true though that is, it's a bit concerning for those with extremely negative memories - there are some things that don't deserve to be understood.

[thesettingsun]

It's definitely concerning, but not surprising.

Should we have another meeting of the Our Past Selves Needed Serious Therapy Club?

[manufactured]

I can't say I'd be opposed to it.

Might I ask you something, regarding that?

[daemonized]

Ah, the issue that we all are starting to face as the months pass.

[The rings rather close to his own concerns, though he feels no need to say it. Perhaps by merely responding to this, it's obvious enough.]

You said something about lines blurring, and I imagine the degree of this is dependent upon the sort of memories that each person is receiving. The unpleasant ones, particularly, are the ones that stick the most -- and as a result, the ones that resonate more loudly than the others. But if you want my personal experience, I'm merely finding that these memories are very pervasive. I think on them almost everyday, though I don't think I've changed my way of thinking based on the personality of that other "me".

[As far as he knows.]

I take it not all of yours have been pleasant?

[manufactured]

You raise a valid point, regarding the content of the memories that are being brought back; to answer your question, my own have been overwhelmingly negative, to the point that positive things seem jarring. Welcome, certainly, but bizarre nonetheless. The more of them I receive, the more I understand why they're geared that way; I suppose that's a factor in it as well.

[daemonized]

Then I reflect the question back at you, if you don’t mind indulging my curiosities. Do you feel yourself changing as a result?

[manufactured]

I do - this would hardly be a question I would consider posing, otherwise.

[matchbreaker]

[ this is that same damn thing that Red was going on about. Elda's eyes narrow to see this and then she shoots out an off-the-cuff response, ]

I've a new perspective on several things, but I'm still me. I can say I hope the same is true of you, Albert. But honestly, about deserving - that's for other people to decide, and its based on your actions.

[manufactured]

While I do agree with that, in essence, there are extenuating circumstances now that make accepting that sort of thing difficult. For one thing, if our souls really are the same as those in our memories, their actions are likewise our actions.

For another, if that is truly the case, it's possible that there's no one to hold me accountable for anything I've done.

[matchbreaker]

Make a distinction, Albert. Accepting blame for actions you barely remember doesn't do you any good.

[manufactured]

Do you really think I haven't been trying? Were it that simple, I'd be content to leave it at that.

[insantafe]

[ Well, this hits a little too close for comfort. ]

Something like that. I don’t know if I’d say I’m starting understand new things, but knowing how that other me felt about some things… It can get hard to separate what’s from those memories, and what’s me, you know?

He had about as good a sense of self-esteem as I do, though, so not much change there.

[ He lies, but well. He’s also trying hard not to think about it. ]

[manufactured]

I think that's more or less what I'm trying to say - that first part you mentioned. It isn't just something we're watching from a distance; thoughts and emotions are transferred over as well. It's a little overwhelming at times, I suppose.

Though I suppose that latter part is a small blessing, at least.

[insantafe]

It happens more often than I’d like, personally, especially when it involves people here in the city. It makes some things a little more complicated than they need to be. Though I have to wonder just how much worse it'll get the longer this goes on.

[ Jack wouldn’t agree that it’s a blessing when your self-esteem is already rock-bottom, but. It is what it is. ]

I take it your memories have been hitting you pretty hard?

[manufactured]

They have been lately. Most of them are highly unpleasant, though nothing I can't ultimately work through; however, Retrospec certainly isn't helping with their half-shreds of information that they give us in the supposed name of "helping."

No one in my memories seems to be on the app itself, however; I suppose that's a silver lining in some ways, seeing as I can't think of anyone I want to see badly enough to wish all of this on them.

[...That's mostly true, anyway; there are some that he would want to be here if only because this would be weirdly better than anything they were dealing with back home.]

[mercurio]

unpopular opinion here
but i think i like the person from my memories better than my current self
but... again i don't think there's anything too different coming back to me

[manufactured]

Might I ask why?

[mercurio]

i? was a monster hunter! a real cool guy

[feistytrader]

Well, I have the kneejerk urge to punch old guys in wheelchairs in the face, so probably.

[manufactured]

...I suppose that's fair.

[feistytrader]

Are you worried about ending up more like your memories?

[explodosafe]

I'm having some serious crisis over it, but I'm more concerned that these new urges are gonna make me kill myself before I have a moral shift.

[manufactured]

[...]

In what way do you mean?

[explodosafe]

My reflexes think nowadays that I can block usually deadly things with my bare hands. You know, like blades. Or cars.