002 - Octopus's Garden In the Shade

[thebeastwithout]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[Today on the hot mess that is Retrospec, somebody's either fallen asleep on their keyboard or allowed their cat to play with the computer for too long, 'cause there's a solid string of this for about a minute straight.]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Garfield Logan added 3 new photos - in Huntington Avenue, Recollé
2 mins

[The first photo is a blurry image of Gar screaming, with only his head and upper chest visible. Something long and twisty is visible at the edge of the frame.

The second is a slightly less blurry image of a... realistic-looking octopus tentacle, for some reason.

The last is an image of Gar's bare chest underneath a ripped shirt, which no one ever really wanted to see, but we're all being traumatized today so just go with it. Everything looks normal up until the part where his shoulder attaches to the octopus tentacle in the previous picture.

It's kinda gross.]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Comments

[frostythehitman]

screw you my club is great and it gives great freak body change advice
like:
get it looked at by a retrospec doctor
grell's the one i go to
has anyone off-app seen this yet?

[thebeastwithout]

what kinda doctor knows how to treat spontaneous octopus transformation?! i'm pretty sure they don't cover this in med school! probably not even magical med school!

and no of course not!!! my parents would

...

ok i was gonna say ground me but maybe not

have me exorcised?

god i'm so screwed

1/2

[frostythehitman]

that's why i'm saying GO TO THE DOCTOR
you think my dad was just okay with me suddenly missing an arm for no reason?
we worked out a plausible medical excuse for it and bc it came from like
a trustworthy adult
my dad took it
he wasn't HAPPY about it but at least he didn't think something was fishy

2/2 i actually didn't plan on that pun i just had to roll with it

[frostythehitman]

wait
shit
i swear that last bit wasnt intentional

[thebeastwithout]

wwwwwwooooooooooooowwwwwww

ok it's only cause we're friends that i'm gonna say

good one i guess never do that again

and dude

i am pretty sure there is no diagnosis in the world that will convince anyone it is normal to be growing octopus tentacles
my parents are boring, not stupid

[frostythehitman]

okay fine look
i have a leftover prosthetic arm from when i was waiting for my current one to get made
it's a cosmetic one so it looks just like a regular flesh arm
but it's hollow so you can stick your
god i can't believe i'm typing this
you can stick your tentacle into it
bam problem solved your parents never have to find out

[ granted, when James tried this stunt, the arm fell off his stump literally five minutes after he tried to pass it off as normal. But hey. Second time's the charm! ]

[thebeastwithout]

.......ok there's like a hundred problems with that plan too but uh that's less problems than any other plan I can think of
I can wear like a long sweatshirt or something
they won't notice for a few days probably

is it ok
do you mind

[frostythehitman]

dude seriously
i already have a way better arm than that one anyway
this one's just gathering dust in my closet now
but ps the elbow doesn't work so you basically have to keep the arm straight when you wear it

[thebeastwithout]

whatever it's not like i'm gonna find spare arms anywhere else
besides the graveyard
probably not the kind of arm i'm looking for

can you bring it over now or should i hide in my room until tonight or something

[frostythehitman]

[ Technically the answer is no, he's kind of grounded...but Gar's got a tentacle for an arm. There's no way he can keep that under wraps for long, so this is pretty time sensitive.

Whatever, he can probably make up some excuse. He's not gonna leave the guy hanging. ]

where do you live
i can be there within an hour
i live on the outskirts of town so it'll take me a while but i'll be there

[thebeastwithout]

XXXX Huntington Street.

it's the house with green trim

you're the greatest human being on the planet thanks

unironically

[frostythehitman]

you're damn right i am

[ and then about an hour later, another text: ]

okay i'm here what now

[ If Gar looks outside, he'll see James half-hiding behind a bush just outside his house with a backpack that's got a few fingers sticking out of it. ]

[thebeastwithout]

oh man just in time
my parents are gonna call me down to lunch any minute

i'll crack a window

[...The window above James's head thumps for a little while.]

update: opening a window is hard with a tentacle

[...Eventually, it goes up and the screen pops out.]

You're a lifesaver, man. Hurry up and come in before the neighbors see anything.

[frostythehitman]

[ He leaps and somersaults through the open window, rolling to a stop in Gar's room, because why do things the easy way when you can be extra about it.

When he gets back on his feet, he catches sight of Gar finally and--wow, that's a tentacle all right. He whistles, looking it up and down, and then holds out his hand.

Give him the tentacle, Gar. Let him hold it. LET HIM FEEL THE TENTACLE, GAR!!!! ]

[thebeastwithout]

...Really?

[Gar kind of looks faintly repulsed by the thought before he rolls his eyes and looks away.]

Fine, OK, you can... squish it for ten seconds.

[only because he would desperately want to do this, too.]

Don't be weird about this, bro.

[frostythehitman]

[ Squeezing the tentacle is possibly the weirdest thing he's ever done and it's incredible. Well, horrifying, really, but a part of him can't deny how goofy this looks. And feels, my god, this thing is so squishy and somehow a little slimy? Is this like tentacle sweat? Oh god now this is just gross. He drops it. ]

You know, there's some arm prosthetics out there made to look and work just like a tentacle. But more robotic-like and less actual octopus flesh-like.

[ Not that he has one or has even tried one of those, but he's done a lot of googling on prosthetics in the past few months, it's come up. Technically, he thinks, you could call this a biological tentacle prosthetic. ]

[thebeastwithout]

Urghhh...

[Gar makes some... noises of discontentment as James prods and pokes and squishes at his pleasure. It somehow feels vaguely violating, though he hasn't the least idea how. The tentacle is indeed an enormous octopus's tentacle by any estimation - it squirms unpleasantly as it's released and drops to the floor.]

We all good?

Cool, let's pretend that didn't happen.

Why would you want a fake arm that looks like a tentacle? I'm pretty sure you can't actually like... do anything with this.

[frostythehitman]

[ He shrugs and smoothly drops the backpack off his shoulder onto the floor as he does so. ]

It's not like I can do a lot with the arm I've got now, either. The tentacle can't be much worse.

[ He unzips the backpack and pulls out the arm fully, offering it to Gar. Despite going all the way up and over the shoulder, it's deceptively light and deceptively realistic. He also pulls out the harness, which looks more like a knotted tangle of belts and straps right now. ]

Think you can fit into that? Or is your tentacle too fat?

[thebeastwithout]

Hey, your arm looks rad.

[This protest is somewhat unconvincing, as Gar focuses on the fake arm sticking out of James's backpack. He takes it gingerly when it's offered.]

...Geez.

The night that dumb app installed itself on my phone, I was freaking out about algebra. ...I would a' spent more time goofing off if I knew I was gonna have real problems later.

It's gonna hafta fit.

[He still hates looking at the tentacle, but he at least tries to position it and slide it into the hole.

...It jiggles.]

[frostythehitman]

Yeah, it looks cool, but it's no walk in the park to control.

[ He can't help the amused grin as Gar tries to shove his tentacle into the arm. ]

Here, let me help with that.

[ He grasps the prosthetic by the forearm and jabs it forward, trying to cram it the rest of the way in. ]

[thebeastwithout]

Ughhh...

[Gar groans again as he picks up his wobbly tentacle and attempts to shove it in, shooting James a dirty look as he does so. It's... difficult going.]

C'mon...

Stupid -- I can't bulk up as a human, why've I gotta be such a thick octopus monster?

[don't answer that]

Just gotta... push...! Geez! If it was just a little... small --

[There is a sudden popping sound as the prosthetic suddenly slides all the way up Gar's arm with no resistance. ...But Gar utters a choked gasp -- and stares at the prosthetic in mild horror.]

...Aw, fudgesicles. Take it off, take it off, take it off.

[frostythehitman]

[ James isn't sure what happened--as far as he can tell, he finally managed to attach the sucker nice and proper. But Gar seems to be in pain, so he starts easing it off. And by 'easing', I mean he's trying to be gentle while also forcefully yanking on it. ]

What happened?

[thebeastwithout]

I don't kn -- GAAAH!!

[The prosthetic slides off pretty easily! ...This is because underneath it, there is now a lovely bristled, stick thin, fly leg protruding from Gar's chest. Huzzah everything is better.

Gar's choked scream goes about seven octaves up. He quickly stifles it with his free hand before his parents can hear.]

[frostythehitman]

Jesus Christ!

[ He whispershouts it and jolts back away from the arm. He's not one to hate bugs or flies particularly, but he's never had to see a fly arm enlarged so much before. James stares at it in morbid, vaguely disgusted fascination. ]

Does it....y'know, move like a fly arm?

[thebeastwithout]

How should I know.

[Gar hisses as he tries to back away from his own arm, which presents a slight difficulty, as can be imagined. James's question is sufficiently answered when the arm begins to twitch and vibrate awkwardly.]

OK.

I need you to cut off my arm. You're like, an ex-soldier right. It's cool I'm ready for this.