002 - Octopus's Garden In the Shade

[thebeastwithout]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[Today on the hot mess that is Retrospec, somebody's either fallen asleep on their keyboard or allowed their cat to play with the computer for too long, 'cause there's a solid string of this for about a minute straight.]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Garfield Logan added 3 new photos - in Huntington Avenue, Recollé
2 mins

[The first photo is a blurry image of Gar screaming, with only his head and upper chest visible. Something long and twisty is visible at the edge of the frame.

The second is a slightly less blurry image of a... realistic-looking octopus tentacle, for some reason.

The last is an image of Gar's bare chest underneath a ripped shirt, which no one ever really wanted to see, but we're all being traumatized today so just go with it. Everything looks normal up until the part where his shoulder attaches to the octopus tentacle in the previous picture.

It's kinda gross.]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Comments

[insantafe]

[ whoa

he’d ask what the hell is going on with you but he kind of doesn’t want to know ]

You’re never going to make it as a photographer with pictures like those.

[thebeastwithout]

i'm just trying to make it as a human thanks!!!
failing at that already!
doing pretty bad!

doing worse with every second!

[insantafe]

You won't make it as anything with that attitude.

[thebeastwithout]

pretty sure my attitude has nothing to do with slowly mutating into some kinda horrible monster thing!

also pretty sure i get a pass on having a bad attitude right now from the universe!

[insantafe]

As a close friend of mine used to say - lighten up, no one died.
Are you sure it's permanent?

[thebeastwithout]

my life is dead!!!!

...pretend that makes sense.

how am i gonna do anything with an octopus tentacle?! how am i gonna do my hom --

oh wait
ok
maybe this could be worse

[insantafe]

Dare I ask how?

[thebeastwithout]

no i just mean
octopuses don't have to go to school

bright side

still freaking out though!!

[insantafe]

Sorry to burst your bubble, kid, but considering anyone off the app doesn’t seem to notice these things, you might still have to go to school.
Besides which, one tentacle does not an octopus make. You’ve got seven more to go.

[thebeastwithout]

noooooope
not going to school if i'm turning into some kinda monster freak
they're gonna have to hunt me down and drag me

and they definitely notice at first dude my mom grounded me for a month when my hair turned green

seriously though don't say that i'm gonna start growing more weird things

[insantafe]

Well, the hair's pretty easy to take as just dye. The tentacle? Not so much.
Wouldn't your mom be more mad about you missing school, though? Not that I'd blame you, or anything, but if they're going to notice anyway...

[thebeastwithout]

uh
if my mom's more mad about me missing school than about me turning into a mutant octopus man i'm gonna have to get a new mom

and i've already gone through a few

look i don't mind chatting but i'm like seriously freaking out man
what do you guys do when this happens!!

[insantafe]

How should I know? All of

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<font face="courier">How should I know? All of <i≥my</i> memories are normal. Not a monster or superpower in sight.</font>

<small>[ he doesn't know anything about moms either oops ]</small>

<font face="courier">"Gone through a few?" What's that mean - you grew more?</font>

[thebeastwithout]

that's what i wanted!! but i got this instead!
...no ok that's a lie i totally wanted cool superpowers and awesome abilities...
look at where it got me!

let this be a lesson to you bro don't wish for anything cool or retrospec's gonna bite you in the butt

and uhhhhhh i mean i'm adopted man
i wasn't just at the orphanage outta the goodness of my heart
i mean, i wasn't ever at that orphanage, just, you know
solidarity?

[insantafe]

Normal memories aren't all fun and games, either, you know. I might not have had superpowers or anything but there's still plenty of bad things going on.

[ wait shit this isn't - that's not the conversation he wanted to have oh god ]

Oh, you meant... I thought you were still talking about the tentacles, not...
I mean, that's why I was there last month, too, but I figure most people come for charity or something.

[thebeastwithout]

oh cool
i mean, well, not cool
sorry bro

i go 'cause i got pretty lucky with how everything turned --
uh actually
maybe we can bond about dead parents sometime later if i haven't devolved into a mutant octopus it's kinda weird right now

unless you want to talk about your parents that's cool
i just might like, not be as good at talking when i don't have a tentacle fused to my chest

[insantafe]

Have you not been getting those memories like the rest of us? I would’ve figured you’d know by now if you were an octopus in another life.

[ jack’s actually just going to pretend the rest of this conversation didn’t happen if that’s alright with you ]

[thebeastwithout]

[good call]

i'm not an octopus!!!!!!

and all my memories have been boring or don't make any sense! there's like, a karaoke song, these five guys i don't know, and then like, my parents, but we're gonna not talk about that one

[insantafe]

Calm down, kid. Chances are if you don't remember being an octopus, then you're not turning into one for no reason. Could be it's just temporary, but you're not going to find out by yelling at all of us about it.

[thebeastwithout]

ok well first of all yelling on social media is my default reaction to everything so

second let's see how calm you are the next time your arm turns into some kinda monster tentacle