002 - Octopus's Garden In the Shade

[thebeastwithout]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[Today on the hot mess that is Retrospec, somebody's either fallen asleep on their keyboard or allowed their cat to play with the computer for too long, 'cause there's a solid string of this for about a minute straight.]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Garfield Logan added 3 new photos - in Huntington Avenue, Recollé
2 mins

[The first photo is a blurry image of Gar screaming, with only his head and upper chest visible. Something long and twisty is visible at the edge of the frame.

The second is a slightly less blurry image of a... realistic-looking octopus tentacle, for some reason.

The last is an image of Gar's bare chest underneath a ripped shirt, which no one ever really wanted to see, but we're all being traumatized today so just go with it. Everything looks normal up until the part where his shoulder attaches to the octopus tentacle in the previous picture.

It's kinda gross.]

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Comments

[digthefuzz]

???!!!!11
what
gar???

[thebeastwithout]

no

it's octogar now

i'm becoming one with the ocean lords

yes it's me!!!! who else would it be!

[digthefuzz]

a tentacle!!
i dunno man i don't know what to think at all
what's going on here

[thebeastwithout]

if i knew i wouldn't be freaking out on the phone!
why do i only get bad things!

[digthefuzz]

did you get other bad things too??
okay calm down
be calm
it's gonna be fine

[thebeastwithout]

my hair is green - i got grounded until i'm like, a hundred years old - i've got fangs stabbing me in the upper lip every time i eat, and now i've got a tentacle arm!

what kind of monster has fangs and a tentacle arm??!

[digthefuzz]

whoa, you have green hair? that's cool!
and the rest
um
good question
a vampire squid??

[thebeastwithout]

it's not like
a good green
it's like muddy

and dude no what kind of animals are you reading about

[digthefuzz]

muddy??
i didn't know there was a bad green
unless it was like puke or something

it's not like it's real!
just, fangs and tentacles
that's the first thing that comes to mind

[thebeastwithout]

i actually just googled it and it's a real thing but
no fangs

anyway

i guess i'm turning into a mutant alien monster
it's cool

[digthefuzz]

whoa that's weird
they totally named it wrong then

are you okay man??

[thebeastwithout]

no? pretty sure the answer is no
i dunno if it's possible to be ok
i guess i'm like

kinda resigned to my doom

[digthefuzz]

sorry man
whatever this is, it's gotta be rough
i wish i had a way to help

[thebeastwithout]

it's cool

[weirdly no one has expressed sympathy as of yet. beast boy finds this easier to stomach than frantic suggestions about what to try]

you wanna cut my arm off and grow me a new one

[digthefuzz]

i don't think it works like that, i don't want to know if it works like that, not thanks!

[thebeastwithout]

you just said you would do anything to help!!
man talk about insincere
fine just like
tell me that i'm gonna start a new society of tentacle people and we're gonna do great and i'm not gonna have to live as a sewer monster forever

[digthefuzz]

dude!
i didn't think i'd have to say that 'anything' doesn't include cutting you up!

but um yeah sure why not?
you're gonna start a new society of tentacle people and you'll do great
in fact, it'll be tenta-cool!

[thebeastwithout]

what
is that a pocket creatures pun
c'mon man that's so elementary school






if you still play though i need a version exclusive from indigo, just saying

anyway

i guess i should try to hide this or something

[digthefuzz]

oh maybe
i was just thinking general tentacle puns
but if the tentacle fits!

what if you just put a glove on the tip of it?
i bet no one will tell the difference!

[thebeastwithout]

...
...
...


are you for serious man

like

really

[digthefuzz]

what
am i wrong

[thebeastwithout]

well
ok sure
but my arm isn't usually rubbery and maroon and covered with suckers so i feel like there might still be a small difference

[digthefuzz]

long sleeves
bam, problem solved!

[thebeastwithout]

and if someone touches my arm or my hand?

[digthefuzz]

don't let them! stand up for yourself!
i dunno if they could feel much from a sleeve anyway
touching the glove might be a problem!