002 - Octopus's Garden In the Shade

[thebeastwithout]

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[Today on the hot mess that is Retrospec, somebody's either fallen asleep on their keyboard or allowed their cat to play with the computer for too long, 'cause there's a solid string of this for about a minute straight.]

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Garfield Logan added 3 new photos - in Huntington Avenue, Recollé
2 mins

[The first photo is a blurry image of Gar screaming, with only his head and upper chest visible. Something long and twisty is visible at the edge of the frame.

The second is a slightly less blurry image of a... realistic-looking octopus tentacle, for some reason.

The last is an image of Gar's bare chest underneath a ripped shirt, which no one ever really wanted to see, but we're all being traumatized today so just go with it. Everything looks normal up until the part where his shoulder attaches to the octopus tentacle in the previous picture.

It's kinda gross.]

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Comments

[windeity]

it will NOT be 60 years as a sewer monster.
octopi don't live in the sewer.
...dumb question. have you tried turning into another animal yet?
like thinking about that.

[thebeastwithout]

but if i live in the ocean i won't even be able to get around the city :(

you mean like
not human?
cause i've been thinking about being human
being human is pretty great
what else would i want to be

[windeity]

ok but the ocean is probably a lot cooler than the city? just saying.
and yes. like. if your arm turned into an octopus, what if it can turn into something else too? and that is why it won't go back to your normal arm?

[thebeastwithout]

i guess marine biology's cool

so you think i'm so hung up on forcing it to go back that i'm psyching myself out or something?

i guess

what do it want it to be

[windeity]

i think so, yeah. it is possible.
try something different than a sea creature. or at least something that has a hand that can grip things?

[thebeastwithout]

ok i can do that
if i turn more into a mutant alien though i'm gonna blame you is that ok

i'm gonna think about...

raccoons?

[windeity]

i will absolutely take the blame for that.
but sure. think about raccoons. they can make fists and stuff.

[thebeastwithout]

if i were a raccoon
i'd be happier than i am now
cause raccoons probably don't really know much about mutating into aliens
also raccoons are kinda cute
i bet i'd have fans

...
...
...

[windeity]

...how's that going for you?

[thebeastwithout]

i'm channeling the spirit of the raccoon man
raccoons can't type

shhhhhhh

let the raccoon flow through you

[windeity]

i will, i will.
good luck dude. let me know how it goes.

[thebeastwithout]

[eventually, within the next few hours, John will get the following text:]

i have good news and bad news
the good news is that i have raccoon hands now
the bad news is that i have raccoon hands now, plural

guess what raccoons can type if they really try

i guess

i'll keep trying...

[windeity]

...on the one hand, two hands are better than one!
on the other hand, they're raccoon hands.
but it worked for that raccoon on that superhero team so i think it is still an improvement over an octopus.
good luck dude.