A wish.

[livingimpaired]

[ The Holy Grail. He does not recall exactly what it is, but from what he gathers from the brief memory with the "King of Heroes," it is something to wish upon. And Kei's other self would allow that man to "wish for death." What does that mean? No, he understands it simply, but there is more said and unsaid than he can unravel. ]

With all this business going on, some frivolousness ponderings might be an enjoyable distraction.

Well, then. If you could wish for anything, what would it be? [ A pause. Kei thinks of sending it like that yet he feels that may be too telling. Too telling of what? He's uncertain, but adds more to cover up his uncertainty. ] Though, with Valentine's Day is coming, most are thinking of just wishing for someone to spend that day with, hm? :)

Comments

[livingimpaired]

You are part of this city, too.
If the city were to fall, you would fall with it.
You may not be a heroic sort, but I don't think anyone is the sort to want such a future.
I suppose that is why I'm doing what I'm doing now.
I cannot assist with saving anyone, but I can hopefully ease some doubts and inspire those to not lose hope.

[drydrown]

I'm a lawyer and a noncombatant. Unless you can suggest a way for me to save the city by suing someone, I can't say in good faith that I'll be useful in ensuring that it remains in one piece - at least, not in any way that I wasn't already by doing my job, which isn't something that requires me to be on the app.

If providing hope pleases you, then so be it. I would just rather prefer these memories to be gone, and they aren't the sort that are easily discarded.

[livingimpaired]

In short, what is going on and everything, it has nothing to do with you. You've defined yourself as one way and cannot see yourself as anything else. The situation is so odd and painful that you've removed yourself from it.

But isn't that a coward's way out? I was under the impression lawyers were of sterner stuff to be able and willing to defend against injustice with their words. Yet it seems your convictions only go so far.

Unfortunate, but not for me. It will be a painful road ahead of you still I wish you luck and hope you find some light on it.

[drydrown]

...You know, I understand that you're trying your level best to shame me in some way, but law is like any other job. Some of us are here to try to right the wrongs of the world, but most of the truly idealistic are weeded out in law school, and a fair few others during the first year of practice. It's highly tedious work that's at least mildly soulless; those of us that stay are motivated by a capacity to be amoral and a desire to do something we can do well and get paid for it.

It's not cowardice, it's knowing one's limits. Would you look down on a florist for not being willing to run into a burning building to drag people out of it?Theoretically they should be capable, assuming the florist in question has four functioning limbs.

[livingimpaired]

Then do you believe in justice or in laws?

I wouldn't. And I realize my wording makes it seem like I am looking down on you, but it is more I believe your happiness could be found if you attempted to fight for yourself and your own righteousness -- whatever that may be.

As for the florist scenario, it is still cowardly and selfish but it is understandable. If one has the means, they should use them. If not, there should be no complaints about one's own helplessness later.

[drydrown]

I believe that justice is a malleable, nebulous concept, driven by subjectivity and personal bias. One's sense of what is just and what is not can change with one experience that may or may not matter to the world as a whole. As such, personal moral justice has very little place in what I do.

That isn't to say that the law has no room for interpretation, or that it's absolute in any way. However, I find it to be more concrete and less subject to sway by one's own feelings and biases.

[livingimpaired]

Feelings, hm? You prefer law because it is devoid of feelings. Ah, yes, you did mention a certain clinical detachment that you can partake in due to your occupation.

Could it be you do not trust your emotions, or the emotions of others?

[drydrown]

You surely must have noticed by now that people as a whole are stupid, panicky creatures that couldn't find their own faces with both hands and a map when emotions are running high.

Of course I don't trust the emotions of others.

[livingimpaired]

I do notice that, but I also notice that humanity itself is mostly good. Their intentions are to always do good.

And so, I can trust in others. [ But it doesn't necessarily make him happy to trust in people. ]

[drydrown]

Intent is something of a finicky thing, I've found, particularly if you're interested in the difference between what's lawful and what's just.

A couple are hit by a vehicle and killed on their way home from work. The driver of the offending vehicle is drunk, well above the legal limit. The driver acted recklessly, but without malice, but regardless she made a decision that resulted in the deaths of two people.

Legally, that's involuntary manslaughter. I don't know if I would say it's just to consider it anything but murder outside of the system - whether the intoxicated driver meant to kill anyone or not is hardly goimg to matter to anyone who cared about the deceased, and such a minor charge is a slap in the face to them.

The intention of the law is fairness; again, the intention of the driver wasn't malice. Either of those aren't really relevant to the others affected by that sort of circumstance.

I'm not saying to not have faith in otgers; if it pleases you, go right ahead. However, I can't say intent is really a reason to, in my experience.

[livingimpaired]

I wouldn't say that it "pleases" me. [ Being dead inside does that to a person. ]

Indeed, there are many cases where this may be true. The intent behind a murder held no malice, but it still killed. Also what is fair is not always just. Lives are ruined but the ultimate state of humanity is "good." Because humans make laws and set what is just -- and it is always changing so that it never is static, so that it grows with the world's understanding of itself.

Humanity is not like angels or demons. They can recognize both "evil" and "good." They see both of them and the majority chooses the latter over the former. If we did not, we would not have a society. This app, for all it has done, has not caused societal collapse.

While I was but a person outside of it, I did not notice anyone's tribulations or struggling for the sake of this city. I lived in it, and lived well. I'm certain the same could be said by so many. No one is trampling upon the people in order to maintain life. In all things, we merely feel personal and insular pains.

You believe life to be painful and untrustworthy. But life isn't painful. Humanity is not "evil" and its emotional state is not bent on cruelty or panic. You merely are finding it hard to breathe right now.

[drydrown]

Interesting metaphor. Be a dear and don't ever use it around me again.

That said, though - you're projecting quite a bit, from the sound of it. I've never believed life to be painful, and there's a marked difference between a general refusal to believe that humanity is inherently good and a belief that they're inherently evil. I don't actually ascribe to concepts such as good and evil as a while, and as such your preaching on the matter is more than a bit wasted.

[livingimpaired]

I'll do my best.

You don't? Then, why are you running away from it?

I apologize if it sounds as though I am preaching. I merely do not understand your reasonings. You merely sound very sad and very scared to me. It just feels like you're tired of what is happening to yourself.

[drydrown]

...Please tell me you realize that people can be displeased with a situation without assuming that anyone responsible for the situation is an evil person.

[livingimpaired]

I don't recall saying that I thought you were an evil person. Why do you think that I am calling you such?

[drydrown]

Ah, no, that isn't what I meant. You seem to be having difficulty comprehending the reasoning at play here without assuming some sort of good/evil dichotomy exists. I don't find anyone involved in the situation I want to leave to be evil - I don't believe anyone at Retrospec to be evil, and honestly for all I know they're perfectly acceptable people, albeit accidentally cruel ones sometimes.

The reason I want to leave this behind is primarily that it fails to benefit me in any way to stay. That's the true nature of humanity, in my opinion - neither good nor evil, but merely acting in their own self-interest. Most of the time that self-interest is what results in all this appearance of inherent good that you're mentioning - it's in one's best interests to play nice with others, doing so reaps benefit. This particular situation is causing more problems than it's solving, and as such I want to leave. It's that simple.

[livingimpaired]

Ah, I see. My talk about humanity has made you a little confused as to why I asked you are running away. I apologize. I merely speaking as someone who is an advocate for humanity and the society that it has created -- since it sounded to me like it has been forgotten.

The explanation doesn't change my initial assessment, unfortunately. But I cannot solve the problem that you're not quite facing. I can only say that the situation is solvable from what I've come to know.

[drydrown]

In fairness, you're also assuming I care any about your assessment to begin with...? I'm discussing this to pass time, your opinion is trending toward the general response of "that's nice, dear heart, now show me where I asked."

[livingimpaired]

Trending toward, but not yet there, right? Also, I'd rather not be called "dear heart." Unless you've fallen for me? If so, I can honestly say please find better taste in men.

[drydrown]

Oh, do love yourself a little more than that, you're going to make me feel sorry for you.

Your fragile masculinity has my apologies, however, it won't happen again.

[livingimpaired]

I refuse.

Is it fragile? I merely don't like affectionate nicknames.

[drydrown]

Whether it's fragile or not, it is being at least somewhat baffling right now - is there a reason you refuse to be nice to yourself outside of being contrary?

[livingimpaired]

I don't like myself, but I don't hate myself. That's all there is to it.

[drydrown]

...No one utterly lacks an opinion on themselves.

[livingimpaired]

And I don't.

The way that I am isn't something that makes me happy or unhappy. It isn't anything that I like, but it isn't anything that I dislike since I am not suffering in any way due to it. I have such a painfully nihilistic view on life that I refuse to praise anything about myself.

But I'm also told I'm one of the most positive people others know. So, there's that.