005. Text // my world is unaffected

[manufactured]

It's been some time since Retrospec has properly dropped some sort of identity crisis on us, though I suppose it's good to know that we're getting a bit more information out of them now than we were in the past; I'm in no way looking down on small favors and silver linings. Just the same, I wonder for the time being where that leaves us - I know I've asked a few of you about this in the past, and I'm sure that a fair amount of you have made your decisions regarding it since.

I suppose what I want to hear is your thoughts on these people you're receiving memories of, whether you consider them "you" or otherwise - do you still think of them as a separate person from yourself or do you consider them to be the same as "you", and why you've come to feel that way. I'm not going to argue for feeling one way or another on the matter, I'm just wondering how you've come to see these people that technically don't exist anymore.

Of course, if you reject this entire matter completely and just consider this to be an example of some corporate entity you hate ruining your life for no apparent reason, that's likewise fair.

I've formed my own views on this fairly recently; I tend to find it calming, having some sort of conclusion that I can accept as reasonably true for the time being. It's not always convenient, but it's calming.

Comments

[manufactured]

[Mass murder for overachievers: any number is mass murder as long as you're willing to take mass as a variable.]

Part of it was situational: I was created by someone who decided that my purpose was to judge humanity for their transgressions and lead a new era of evolution as a god, and that idea was indoctrinated into me from a very young age.

Part of it was due to the world I came from not being very stable and tearing itself apart with high levels of bioterrorist activity the first chance it got.

A large amount of it was due to experiencing that sort of upbringing and dealing with the sort of people who would facilitate doing such a thing to children, subsequently watching the rest of the world seem rather determined to destroy itself, and deciding that if my purpose was to essentially be God, my divine judgement would be that the grand majority of humanity deserved to die.

[...Insanity, Matt. It was largely insanity.]

[blessmefather]

[ The word he's looking for is genocide. ]

It sounds like your Other Self didn't get much of a chance to think for himself. He must have been extremely dangerous and powerful but limited by his upbringing, possibly without realizing it.

[ Somewhere over in the Marvel multiverse Murderdock sneezes. Er wait is that Earth gone in Recolle context? ]

[manufactured]

Certainly without realizing it.

I don't remember most of what was done to me back then. I don't know how likely it is that I'll ever remember, because I didn't in my past life, either. I've recalled seeing a few things that I didn't think much of at the time but are hideous in hindsight - things that were done to my...siblings, I suppose you could call them, that likely happened in front of one of my sisters and I. But most of the details escape me.

It's probably better that way.

I know free will was never something I was intended to have, howevwr.

[blessmefather]

That's horrible.
Do you have any idea who the people were that brought him into the world? What happened to them in the end?

[manufactured]

As I said - my first memory from Retrospec involved murdering a man.

[So yeah. He has a better idea than anyone else.]

[blessmefather]

Ah. That isn't too surprising considering the circumstances.

Do you find it easy to cope with the disturbing memories at this point?

[manufactured]

I wouldn't say that they're easy to deal with - but then, things like that shouldn't be. In some cases I've certainly become desensitized; there's come a point where I'm no longer surprised at the actions I took back then. Disgusted, surely, but not surprised. A general sense of "this may as well happen," or perhaps just "of course I did."

The memories that tend to disturb me nowadays are those that involve harming the people I was close to in some capacity.

[blessmefather]

It's for the best you still find it disturbing, I'd imagine.

[manufactured]

It would be far more troubling if I didn't, yes.