001 petals ❃ text

[breakingvoice]

hello everyone! i'm sorry i've kind of been falling behind on my blog posts lately, in case anybody here reads those, but i think everybody on the app understands why! and if people off the app are starting to noti░e changes, they might understand, too... even if (as far as i go) people are just saying nice t░ings about how good my new blue hair looks!

i hope they don't n░tice too much...

um, anyway. i'm still really new to this app and there's a lot i don't know about, so i have a question! actually, a couple. has anyone ever gotten back a me░ory that doesn't seem like it's something you would ever do? and what do you do if that memory isn't just 'y▒▒' doing something horrible, but celebra░ing that you did it?

i think i know the answer to the first one, but pl░ase hear me out on this. and i'm sorry my emoji are missing but the app keeps g▒▒tching them every time i send them, so just imagine me being very serious about asking for h░lp!

thank you.

Comments

[floret]

Who knows? As far as I can remember, we just looked kind of like goth samurai.

[breakingvoice]

goth... samurai? with katanas and everything? um, that isn't exactly the image i had in my mind...

maybe it won't be as scary as the regular grim reaper? you don't seem like the kind of person to be too scary about it anyway, especially because you'll still be you underneath it. and goth is still a completely valid way to dress!

[floret]

Yes and the katanas are magic apparently. Like, they transform into other shapes, and also they're sentient? idk.

It does seem pretty unlikely that I was ever very scary, even if I was a thief and a traitor and all that stuff... (also a pill popper)
Then again, the little boy from The Grievance was pretty spooky, and I'm definitely at least as tall as him.

[breakingvoice]

wow... everything you say about who the other you was is so interesting! i keep learning something new pretty much every sentence

does it ever get too much for you to handle? learning all these different, strange things about them? what do you do if it does?

[floret]

I don't know if it's "too much"...
That is, I don't know if the memories themselves are.
But they're unnerving. And they make me worry that the seeds of whatever made him go wrong are in me, too. Like maybe one day I'll just wake up and feel like maybe murder isn't such a bad thing after all, or... like racism is cool, or I should be an MRA or something. idk.

I mean, it's not that I ever thought I was some super great person, and it's not like I didn't know that people who do bad things mostly don't think what they're doing is bad. But... I feel closer to the edge, I guess. Or less in control. I don't want to become someone who hurts others, but if I start becoming someone else, how much of the decision will still be up to me?

[breakingvoice]

i understand. more than i wish i did, to be honest. i haven't even remembered a lot of things yet and i'm still...

well. you can see from how i've been acting here.

i'm worried it's going to get worse from here even if i don't learn anything else quite this bad. it's already more complicated than i was prepared for and i don't know if i can handle it. and normally i wouldn't admit that but i've already made a fool of myself on this post, so i don't have anything else to lose by saying it.

we can make it through together, all of us. i have to let myself believe that. we're not being given anything that will break us or make us lose who we are.

[floret]

You haven't made a fool of yourself!!

Um
At least you didn't to me. I didn't read all the threads so I guess maybe you did with other people. (lol)

[breakingvoice]

if you want to think i'm still a good person then maybe you shouldn't read the other conversations here.

you're very kind. thank you.

[floret]

Ummmmm

Honestly, that makes me super curious about the other conversations.

But if you'd prefer I didn't read them, I won't.

[breakingvoice]

it's just easier for me to assume everyone's read them already anyway

it's up to you, i can't tell you what to do

[floret]

I'll go ahead and skip them, I think. But it's not because I think they'd make me think the current/real you is a bad person.

[breakingvoice]

thank you. i really appreciate it.