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[recollecters]

Greetings, Users. Our system may be experiencing some residual glitches from a recent network malfunction. Our technical team is working on getting these issues under control. Please direct any concerns in the meantime to the HR department at humanresources@retrospec.com. Our staff has furthermore noticed a significant increase in tags and trends for #aprilfools and #pranks. Keep on your toes and be certain to tag your best tricks for Retrospec™! Please feel free to use this post as a network mingle. Every toplevel can be considered a new post, and threadjacking is permitted. No NPC response will be given. Any emails sent to the HR department will be returned with a failure to send notification, and will furthermore automatically be posted to the Retrospec network. Oops? Characters who have been in game for one month will find they can now change their profile pictures. Glitches will be in effect until the 15th and may include: -Usernames changing to a cat, dog, or bird pun. -The Retrospec application being changed into a neon color + animal theme of some variety. -Notifications going off at random and being unable to be turned off. -Various "special effects" crossing the screens when people comment. -Users having to beat a level of pac-man to access the application, and then being made to beat a new level every hour to keep using the application. -Thomas the Tank Engine memes being sent to users every hour for some reason. -Profile pictures being replaced by pictures of rabbits and easter eggs. -New creepy pasta stories appearing upon log-in, to be forwarded to someone before the app can continue to be used -Parental lock and auto-correct on cursing (i.e. fuck -> duck) -A parade of pixel Chocobos or dancing fruit scrolling across the screen after each comment posted

Comments

[antagonize]

Barkson Pawd Duck.
Barkson Pawd Fudge.
Barkson Pawd Oh, for pup's sake.
Barkson Pawd I do not vouch for arsony, but on a scale of one to ten how bad an idea would it be to burn down the whole Retrospec building? You know, just asking for a friend.

[standalonehuman]

Hitori Togusa Nine, with ten being reserved for discussing the idea of burning down a building on a network with multiple police officers and firefighters on it.

[antagonize]

Barkson Pawd Nah. 10 would be reserved for going to the store and buying the stuff you need to set a whole building on fire.
Barkson Pawd Pretty sure they have a protocol for when someone tries to pay for a cart full of lighter fluid.

[standalonehuman]

Hitori Togusa For a real counter-argument, then, not only would it be irresponsibly dangerous and destructive on a scale I can't properly quantify, it would probably be wasteful.
Hitori Togusa I'm betting their infrastructure to run the app is in a different location anyway.

[wiselys]

Bark2-D2 Haha yours is worse than mine.
Bark2-D2 It's worth a shot, really. I'd give it a 5.
Bark2-D2 It'd feel great, but you could be arrested.
Bark2-D2 Sorry, "your friend" could be arrested.

[antagonize]

Barkson Pawd True.
Barkson Pawd But would "my friend" be able to say breaking the law wasn't worth it?
Barkson Pawd No. No, he wouldn't be able to.
Barkson Pawd And for the record: I'm not actually going to attempt arson. The lighter fluid is out of my budget, for starters.

[wiselys]

Bark2-D2 If I thought it would be worth it, I'd buy the lighter fluid for you.
Bark2-D2 Though, there are probably other incendiaries that would be cheaper.
Bark2-D2 But obviously, not worth it.

[true_noir]

BlakKat 8 or 9, and utterly meaningless.
BlakKat It does not actually work, I am fairly certain, for one.
BlakKat The futility makes it worse in that sense.

[antagonize]

Barkson Pawd At least you'd get a momentary sense of satisfaction from it.
Barkson Pawd Up until the cops come to drag your butt away.
Barkson Pawd Not too shabby.

[true_noir]

BlakKat And I have seen someone deface the neighboring property
BlakKat It was normal the next time I visited, so the futility is profound.
BlakKat Making the momentary satisfaction no better than a punching bag.
BlakKat Ridiculous, really.

[aegist]

Cindy Clawford i can still swear, does this mean i'm now the most powerful grace sibling?
Cindy Clawford not that i wasn't already.
Cindy Clawford if you turn to arson stay stealthy.

[antagonize]

Barkson Pawd Seriously?
Barkson Pawd How the heck is that fair?

[A moment later—]

Barkson Pawd Duck you, that word isn't even that bad!

[aegist]

Cindy Clawford you and luke and annabeth are all locked?
Cindy Clawford i'm not sure it's fair but i'm sure as fuck not complaining.
Cindy Clawford :) fuckity fucking hell damn shit

[constellates]

Nyanya Vasiliev why would your friend want to burn the building
Nyanya Vasiliev it is that bad ?

[she's gullible i'm sorry]

[antagonize]

Barkson Pawd Stress relief.
Barkson Pawd Sometimes, people just need to watch the world burn to feel better.

[he's... he's sorry. probably.]

[constellates]

Nyanya Vasiliev has your friend tried yoga

[but for real]

[chiseler]

Steven Squawking yeah, I'm getting real ducking sick of this too and it just started
Steven Squawking also protip: don't announce your friend's arson on the network or the law might get on your butt
Steven Squawking THAT'S NOT EVEN A BAD WORD, COME ON.

[antagonize]

Barkson Pawd The law can get on my friend's A. S. S all it wants.
Barkson Pawd Fantasizing about arson, as it happens, is way better than a stress ball.

[chiseler]

Steven Squawking while I agree with that maybe we should look into some anger management for you? yoga or some shit
Steven Squawking ...or come by the bar and we'll figure out the best way to make it happen. I'm less impressed every time they show up

[esperimental]

Ritsmew Cattynyanya I'm inclined to agree with these drastic measures for once.
Ritsmew Cattynyanya Patience isn't a virtue here it's torture.

[antagonize]

Barkson Pawd Patience was never a virtue.
Barkson Pawd It was just a way to get people to twiddle their thumbs while the world goes topsy-turvy.
Barkson Pawd What are they going to fudge up next? The sky? The sea?

[frostythehitman]

Bluejaymes Barkes If anyone makes plans to burn that building down, I better hear about it.
Bluejaymes Barkes Not to be involved. Just to be able to film it. For journalistic purposes.

[antagonize]

Barkson Pawd If you film it, I demand a copy in my email.
Barkson Pawd This act of heroic sacrifice needs to be properly documented for future generation.

[twelfthspark]

I don't vouch for arson either, but if your "friend" does it I will personally buy him a drink.

[antagonize]

What kind of drink are we talking about here? Still asking for a friend, of course.