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[recollecters]

Greetings, Users. Our system may be experiencing some residual glitches from a recent network malfunction. Our technical team is working on getting these issues under control. Please direct any concerns in the meantime to the HR department at humanresources@retrospec.com. Our staff has furthermore noticed a significant increase in tags and trends for #aprilfools and #pranks. Keep on your toes and be certain to tag your best tricks for Retrospec™! Please feel free to use this post as a network mingle. Every toplevel can be considered a new post, and threadjacking is permitted. No NPC response will be given. Any emails sent to the HR department will be returned with a failure to send notification, and will furthermore automatically be posted to the Retrospec network. Oops? Characters who have been in game for one month will find they can now change their profile pictures. Glitches will be in effect until the 15th and may include: -Usernames changing to a cat, dog, or bird pun. -The Retrospec application being changed into a neon color + animal theme of some variety. -Notifications going off at random and being unable to be turned off. -Various "special effects" crossing the screens when people comment. -Users having to beat a level of pac-man to access the application, and then being made to beat a new level every hour to keep using the application. -Thomas the Tank Engine memes being sent to users every hour for some reason. -Profile pictures being replaced by pictures of rabbits and easter eggs. -New creepy pasta stories appearing upon log-in, to be forwarded to someone before the app can continue to be used -Parental lock and auto-correct on cursing (i.e. fuck -> duck) -A parade of pixel Chocobos or dancing fruit scrolling across the screen after each comment posted

Comments

[true_noir]

For the moment. It is just this "Pac Man" game and my username. It could be much much worse, though saying that invites disaster. What are you experiencing?

[notyourutopian]

It's just Pacman Chloe.
You make it sound like some kind of weird bug.

Uh. Just the username. And the egg color scheme.
And the randomly making me play Pacman.

[true_noir]

I am not really a video game person. So I do not know it well. I spent ten minutes attempting it, and barely beat the level. I was afraid something might have gone wrong and wanted to know for sure.

It really could be worse, couldn't it?

[notyourutopian]

It gets easier.
In theory.
I think I'm just awful at it.

Yeah.
Maybe it'll be an easy time.

1/2

[true_noir]

Bah. I might as well pretend to be an optimist. I'm going to go get changed and enjoy the rest of my day, I think. Today is looking up. There's nothing Retrospec can do to ruin my day now.

[Wait for it...]

2/2

[true_noir]

[It's almost ten minutes before she replies again. Thank Pacman. it was all Blinky's fault, or was it Inky? When she gets on again, have an image of her holding up a thin looking throwing knife.]

Why the duck is there a knife in my undergarment drawer?

[Pause.]

Canard! There, I will swear in French if necessary!

[notyourutopian]

I'm trying to decide if that's weirder than the salad fork.

Also yes.
International swears are the best bloody swears.
Except isn't canard just french for duck?

[true_noir]

You know, you make an excellent point. It is hard to say if a knife or a fork is stranger to receive, though this is definitely not part of a matching set. It is a weapon, not for eating with.

And yes, Canard is French for duck. It is not what I was attempting to say, however. I will allow your creative little mind to decide what that might have been when I typed it. I should best get some soap for my mouth, or fingers.

The knife does worry me though. It feels, again, very familiar.

[notyourutopian]

Well since it's french I'll assume it was riddled with ennui.
And somehow describes the state of human existence but in the bleakest of ways.

Hm.
A fork, a knife for stabbing people? Able to describe a gun on sight.

I think you might be a secret agent, Chloe.

[true_noir]

It is true. We master Nihilism and existentialism when we are not busy with futile romance.

And, as fascinating as that possibility might be, do you really think a little flower girl like me is really a secret agent? It is as if I am watching some secret agent's life. It should feel exhilarating, but really. I love spy movies.

But actually being a spy? It's quite hazardous for one's health.

[notyourutopian]

I feel like I saw a movie where 'flower shop worker' was a spy cover.

Hrm.

So seriously though, the knife?
Do you recognize it or anything?

[true_noir]

No, but there is a familiarity in how it feels in my hand. The weight is natural, and though I did try swinging it, and it was as clumsy a motion as ever, it feels very normal to me. It is like the cloak.

And I have a small confession to make. Do you recall that I got drunk and dyed my hair? The roots should be showing by now, but they are not.

[notyourutopian]

Don't swing the mystery knife around, Chloe.

Well your hair was darkish to begin with.
So maybe you just can't tell yet?

[true_noir]

I did not swing it much, and nobody was around. I still do not know how to use it, despite any belief that I know strange things about guns and the like.

I was looking carefully in the mirror. I hope that it was just a very thorough dye job, but if my hair has actually turned, I do not know what to think of that. I thought I dyed it, after all. Why would it become the color from my dreams for certain?

[notyourutopian]

You'll stab your eye out, kid.

Okay so.
Sometimes if people dye their hair enough their body can kind of adapt to the color a little bit?
But not to purple.

[true_noir]

Very humorous, quite droll of you.

And this was my thought. I noticed that somebody was offering medical advice so I could perhaps verify with them if it is simply late in coming to the roots, or if the color has actually changed.

[notyourutopian]

Going to see a doctor couldn't hurt.
I mean.
Unless they dissect you because of your purple hair.

[true_noir]

I think I will try for one of the doctors among us, if there are any. That would probably be the best way to avoid something quite so dangerous.

[notyourutopian]

Oh good idea.
I hadn't realized there were any on here.

[true_noir]

Two were advertising their services just recently, so they might be good to look into. The one is a bit stiff, but she's a doctor, so that's to be expected, I think.

[notyourutopian]

Maybe.
Go for it.
Just tell me what happens.

[true_noir]

If my hair color really has changed, what am I supposed to think, Eleanor? After the Chocobos, we know that they can change things in the world around us, or that those things can change, but what am I supposed to think of it all?

[notyourutopian]

Honestly?
I have no idea.
But there are worse changes in the world that purple hair.
I think it looks nice?

[true_noir]

I think it looks nice too. It just worries me, if I am becoming more like 'that person.' It means that I am starting to look, to feel like her physically. It's far more invasive than even the cloak is.

[notyourutopian]

Yeah...
I don't know.
I mean, you're you.
Even if they change your hair or give you a coat.
You're still you.