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[recollecters]

Welcome to Retrospec™, the last social media network you will ever need. You are one of the few selected to test this exciting new platform based on our cutting-edge algorithms. Less than two hundred invitations have gone out, and membership is not currently open to the public. However, we hope you will come to see how useful Retrospec™ is, given time. We have for your use a variety of features such as text, voice, video, and image posts. We encourage you to explore our many options. Anyway, now that the copypaste part is out of the way! Jim here, requesting you guys make your secret meetings a little more exciting. It's not like you're not trying with the whole "let's meet off the network!" dealio, but I have some serious concerns. For one thing, no secret handshakes or phrases? Not even dramatic meeting locations? The trying rating is about half a star if that. And I'm almost bored to tears with the whole back and forth about what's going on. Not bored enough to give you a cheat sheet, but still. I can't get myself taken off surveillance duty, so at least try to make it a little more exciting! You guys might like this wikihow. Later! Jim Halloway Research & Development Retrspec Incorporated Please feel free to use this post as a network mingle. Every toplevel can be considered a new post, and threadjacking is permitted. No NPC response will be given. Usernames are the character's full real AU names, not aliases or chosen nicknames or usernames, and seemed to have filled themselves in; nothing characters do can change or obscure their names currently. Characters who have been in game for more than one month will find they can change their profile pictures; newcomers are locked into their first choice. At various points throughout the day users will be sent images of themselves from behind, regardless of where they are. There doesn't seem to be any way to catch whoever might be taking and sending these, however, especially since being alone in a room doesn't seem to be a deterrent.

Comments

[sotenbori]

Sure I use a GPS but I know how to read a map
It's not that difficult of a skill

[daemonized]

Were you taught to read a map when you were younger? A ridiculous question to ask, but consider the youth of today; if no one puts a map in their hands, they've no reason to learn how. Still, maybe after this post, some will consider engaging themselves in this critical life skill.

Are you new to this app?

[sotenbori]

I'm thinking no one really gives a shit about life advice given by "Jim Halloway"

Yeah, I'm new. What does that have to do with anything?

[daemonized]

No one takes the poor man seriously after his display regarding the marriage proposal.

Nothing at all. Merely curious. Allow me to say that your life is going to get infinitely more interesting from this day forward.

[sotenbori]

Shit I keep hearing about that. What the ll happened?

Yeah, I heard. Some people get super powers, though, right?

[daemonized]

That was the day of the singing fruit. And a video set the music of Bohemian Rhapsody. Words cannot do it justice. You should see for yourself.

[Ardyn provides a link.]

A few have been granted strange abilities, yes. Most of us simply suffer from strange "memories" and Retrospec sending us questionable items in the mail.

[sotenbori]

What the fuck did I just watch

[daemonized]

Is it not the most amazing thing you've witnessed? And yet we still don't know if she said yes!

[sotenbori]

Shit I would've said yes

[daemonized]

I would have too. And yet here we are, languishing in the pain of not knowing. Retrospec truly is a cruel, cruel invention.

[sotenbori]

Damnit Jim
Damnit Janet

[daemonized]

Perhaps we should rely on our own imaginings to fill the void. What is it called? Fan fic?

Fancy yourself a writer?

[sotenbori]

For this I could be

wait maybe we should collaborate
since we're both so interested
like the role-playing people do or whatever

[daemonized]

This already sounds promising. I like the idea of collaborative writing, and I think I'd be proficient enough to help weave a dramatic tale of tepid romance and slapstick comedy.

Shall I write for Jim or Janet?

[sotenbori]

You can write for Jim. I'll write for Janet.

[daemonized]

Very well.

Should we try a bit of it now? Testing out voices and all that?

[sotenbori]

Sure, okay.

Janet: Wow, Jim! I can't believe you went to all that effort for me.

[daemonized]

[someone stop them]

JIM: Anything for you, Janet. You are worth ten singing fruit videos, set to classic rock, and even then the magnificence of it wouldn't do your beauty and grace justice. What is your answer, my love?

[someone stop them]

[sotenbori]

[this is fine let them have it]

Janet: I don't know what to say! This is all so much.

[Janet is overcome with emotion. She looks like she might cry. This might just be the happiest day of her life]

Janet: Oh, Jim, yes!

[For a moment it looks like she's going to throw herself in Jim's arms but then she hesitates!!]

Janet: But, my sun and stars, I have one question...

[daemonized]

[I refuse to believe that this is okay]

JIM: Janet-

[Jim looks ready to receive Janet in his arms, but her hesitation surprises him.]

JIM: A question? Ask, my dear.

[sotenbori]

[they're living their best lives god]

[Janet bites her lip, trying to decide if she wants to ask or not. There is a war inside of her: ask the question, afraid that he might give the wrong answer or say to hell with it and marry this man she knows she loves so dearly.

But she can't not ask. She's bound by duty.]

Janet: My father was, as you know, a renowned cartographer. On his deathbed, his final wish was that I marry a map who can read and appreciate the kind of work he did.

[Janet knows that's not quite true - her father had, in no uncertain terms, told her that men who couldn't read maps were useless and couldn't be trusted. Fucking plottwist, right?]

Janet: So I have to ask, for my father's sake -- do you know how to read a map, Jim?

[daemonized]

[Jim pauses. This alone is telling, and he feels his stomach sink.]

JIM: I...

[What was he to say? He couldn't lie to Janet, his one and only, the love of his life. But he knew his honest answer would be disagreeable, even in the face of undying romance. He chooses honesty, regardless.]

JIM: I... I can't. Maps confuse me, Janet. Far too often I have to rely on a wikiHow, and even then the cardinal directions are too complex for me to comprehend. Which one is north? Which is east? Not to mention NORTHEAST? Damnable, useless concepts!

[His voice rises in almost desperation.]

JIM: But surely you can overlook this for the sake of our love!

[sotenbori]

[Janet's face falls. She feels the weight of her father's last words to her hanging in the air heavily. The video with the fruit had been so beautiful, so meticulously made. Surely her father was wrong, and Jim's lack of ability to read maps wasn't a comment on his character. What kind of useless man could make such a heartfelt gift? What kind of useless man would spend hours making hers such a beautiful video?

It's all too much. This time, Janet really does cry. But they're tears of sadness instead of tears of happiness. The more that Jim says about North and Northeast, the heavier she feels her father's disappointment, as if he were here in the room with them, frowning down on Jim and his beautiful smiling fruit video.]

Janet: I want to Jim, I do. You know I love you.

[daemonized]

[Her tears are almost too much for Jim to bear. His heart feels on the verge of shattering into a million tiny pieces, to be laid fractured at his feet. He wants to console her, he wants to make the longest fruit video in the world to reaffirm her confidence in him, but her words steal all hope from him.

Jim takes a step forward, his fingers reaching to grasp at her hands.]

JIM: Don't do this to me, Janet. I... I may not be able to read a map, but I'm not a heartless heathen of a man! We can be happy together.

[He pauses.]

JIM: Is this because of what your father said about me?

[sotenbori]

[Janet pulls away from him, shaking her head.]

Janet: Don't bring my father into this, Jim! You know how much he meant to me.