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[recollecters]

Welcome to Retrospec™, the last social media network you will ever need. You are one of the few selected to test this exciting new platform based on our cutting-edge algorithms. Less than two hundred invitations have gone out, and membership is not currently open to the public. However, we hope you will come to see how useful Retrospec™ is, given time. We have for your use a variety of features such as text, voice, video, and image posts. We encourage you to explore our many options. Anyway, now that the copypaste part is out of the way! Jim here, requesting you guys make your secret meetings a little more exciting. It's not like you're not trying with the whole "let's meet off the network!" dealio, but I have some serious concerns. For one thing, no secret handshakes or phrases? Not even dramatic meeting locations? The trying rating is about half a star if that. And I'm almost bored to tears with the whole back and forth about what's going on. Not bored enough to give you a cheat sheet, but still. I can't get myself taken off surveillance duty, so at least try to make it a little more exciting! You guys might like this wikihow. Later! Jim Halloway Research & Development Retrspec Incorporated Please feel free to use this post as a network mingle. Every toplevel can be considered a new post, and threadjacking is permitted. No NPC response will be given. Usernames are the character's full real AU names, not aliases or chosen nicknames or usernames, and seemed to have filled themselves in; nothing characters do can change or obscure their names currently. Characters who have been in game for more than one month will find they can change their profile pictures; newcomers are locked into their first choice. At various points throughout the day users will be sent images of themselves from behind, regardless of where they are. There doesn't seem to be any way to catch whoever might be taking and sending these, however, especially since being alone in a room doesn't seem to be a deterrent.

Comments

[darkinferno]

there HAS been a suggestion for the secret horse conspiracy club

when you see another member in the street you have to neigh at each other



considering we're now being encouraged to be cagey about all this shit, i'll ask it right out in the open: anyone want to see if we can get our hands on some of these surveillance tapes he's talking about?

[true_noir]

I'm terribly sorry, Jim, that we are not gifted at conspiracies to overthrow horrible people who seem to be changing our reality around our heads. By all means, keep taunting us about how boring we are. We may not be fast learners, but we are definitely learning.

Really, could someone please find this Jim person? I want to break his nose.

[injectors]

Dear Jim,

I've found a wikihow entry that you may find quite useful, as well. I would suggest you read over it while on surveillance duty.

Sincerely,
- Angel Dawes

[AND LATER:]

Why can't I get rid of this application? The mishmash of different social media is somewhat... over the top.

[godcards]

So do you stalk what's-her-name too? Janice?

Regardless, I don't see why we should make surveillance more entertaining. Nobody likes you. Perhaps that's why you got stuck with such a boring position...

[sotenbori]

Who the fuck doesn't know how to read a map, Jim?

[antagonize]

Great. So now we know big brother has a name, and it's Jim Halloway.

Cherche Yata

[wyvern_friend]

Dear Mr. Halloway,

I'm sure your product is lovely but I simply don't have the time to test it for you. Thank you for the offer but I must regretfully decline.

Sincerely,
Cherche Yata

[Ten minutes and many button pushes later...]

How on earth do I get rid of this?

[standalonehuman]

Hitori Togusa At least, thank you for the confirmation that more people have been added to the platform.
Hitori Togusa Under two hundred? Is that active users, or does that include people like Officer Amicia, who's no longer on here because he moved out of the city?
Hitori Togusa Curious.

[commandertoolbelt]

how do you know we don't have a secret handshake or secret phrases
nobody would tell you that

ps you never told us if she said yes

[tearable]

Oh fun, now we're under the mercy of voyeurs. I'll make sure to shut my blinds extra tight now.

[notyourutopian]

I'm trying to decide if this is creepy or sad.
I suppose it can be two things.

Maybe if you were actually mysterious, and didn't come off as the creepy kid who stands near the bathrooms at school all day breathing heavily we'd be more inclined to act like detectives.

And not just treat you like some annoying weirdo.

I guess this is better than the world changing, though...

[And an hour or so later.]

WHAT THE BLOODY FUCK?!

Okay, so, when you videoed me at school that was pretty messed up.
But how the fuck did you get a picture of me in my bedroom?!

I don't even have my tv in there anymore and my laptop was off.
Ugh.

Please tell me I'm not the only one getting stalked by Jim the Pervert now?

[skald]

Uhhhhhhhhh what

jkghkjfhkf UNSUBSCRIBE

UNSUBSCRIBE

UNSUSCBRBE!!

!!!!!

[scriptive]

I haven't been having any secret meetings at all, so can I ask what we're having secret meetings about? I'm sorry, but I'm not sure I was supposed to be added to this group! Is it a roleplay group?? If it is, can I get a link to the rules or something?

I don't think it is, but it might be more fun if it were. If anyone wants to start something, that could be a fun use of this! Since I don't think I can delete it??? Oh, that's actually a good idea, though! If anyone is interested in D&D maybe talk to me! My group needs a few more players.

Also why are horses not around any longer, because I think they were a thing?

[ later: ]

How do I unsubscribe from pictures of me?

[buncho]

what secret meetings why wasnt i invited??
also
i need a wikihow for this wikihow, part 1 is already......

[impulsives]

Shin Asuka: I am all up for trying out new stuff in terms of social network, but fucking installing yourself into my phone with no way of removing it? This is sketchy af and I ain't having any of this.

Also, get your own secret meetings, Jim.

[manolia]

I know you won't answer me, but I'd like to know your idea of a dramatic meeting location. Underground bunker? Rooftop? Secret garden? Hah, that's actually pretty cute. I suppose we have to submit to our Skynet-esque reality-warping overlords someday.

Not.

[Then, a bit later:]

Anyway, surely my ass isn't nice enough that you need to take pictures of it every hour, then send them to me.

[testgasm]

Right so

(and forgive me if someone’s brought this up before, just trying to get my bearings here)

Are we absolutely sure this is not some kind of incredibly sophisticated government surveillance mechanism? Because, honestly, this screams ‘incredibly sophisticated government surveillance mechanism'. I could run some diagnostics, maybe? If no one’s done that already? Because I'd rather not be spied on by the government, thanks.

I mean, I'm well aware that we are being spied on by the government and also various corporations, generally speaking, but if this is a new and improved way for them to go about it, I don’t really want it on my phone, you know? Downloads automatically, can’t get rid of it, no terms of service or anything. Is this a secret club, or something? Because I didn't consent to this. Are you selling my data?

It is pretty smart, though, all this. In a vaguely infuriating sort of way. Wish I’d thought of it.

[redarm]

FUCK OFF JIM.

[parodeity]

so who wants to make bets on what the map thing is all about
is the world gonna be flat suddenly
are we gonna go on a treasure hunt
im assuming that bullshit has a purpose and its going to be an annoying purpose
also hey and welcome you poor suckers ig
sorry for our probable sins getting you stalked

is anyone else curious how jim still has a job

[prometheanflame]

Who are you and what sort of secret meetings are you referring to?

[And later, once he receives an photo of himself at the convenience store:]

I see that in addition to sending suspicious apps, you're stalking me. Don't think I won't report this. [Holy shit, this is too much creepy for one day.]

[judgementkazzy]

[ Why is this a facebook post??? Kaz, pls. ]

Kazuma Kiryu 5/1 near Dojima Real Estate

Hi, thanks for the update, Jim. I don't remember opting into test an app but maybe I didn't notice I downloaded it? The pictures are helpful too. Now I know I need to iron my blazer when I get home. Is this some kind of new selfie feature? Technology is really incredible nowadays, huh.

[fittedgloves]

Exclusive or not, I'm not interested in this application.

That aside, I'm concerned about the surveillance. What's the purpose if it's just a social media network?

[ and a little later: ]

Is there some way to disable this? I'm not fond of receiving pictures of myself. I'd like no part in this.

[zerotohiro]

Okay but...how would you know if a secret phrase was a secret phrase if nobody told you it was a secret in the first place?

And can somebody explain who the heck Jim is because if he was really part of their R&D department he'd get a better camera...

[roseblooms]

Dot dot dot, dash dash dash, dot dash dot, dot dash dot, dash dot dash dash / Dot dash dash dash, dot dot, dash dash.

But I suppose that's rather a bit tedious, isn't it.

[flyguy]

TONY CARTER shared a photo. 5/1 near CABIN ELEVEN

Glad to know I still look good from behind, but can't say the twenty other pictures were required, Clarence. So I'm assuming this is MKUltra's little brother for the modern individual. What's our code name? Something cool or are we the lame duck acronym of the illegal human experimentation family? By the way you will be hearing from my lawyer. I pay him a lot of money to be very intimidating. Have fun with that.