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[recollecters]

Welcome to Retrospec™, the last social media network you will ever need. You are one of the few selected to test this exciting new platform based on our cutting-edge algorithms. Less than two hundred invitations have gone out, and membership is not currently open to the public. However, we hope you will come to see how useful Retrospec™ is, given time. We have for your use a variety of features such as text, voice, video, and image posts. We encourage you to explore our many options. Please feel free to use this post as a network mingle. Every toplevel can be considered a new post, and threadjacking is permitted. No NPC response will be given. As a reminder, everything besides uploading a profile picture and information was locked until this post. Usernames are the character's full real AU names, not aliases or chosen nicknames or usernames, and seemed to have filled themselves in; nothing characters do can change or obscure their names currently. Oddly, profile pictures still cannot be swapped out at this time, so hopefully you took a good one.

Comments

i'm sorry

[goen]

Boooo.
Booooooo!
Get back on twitter!

wow!!!!

[parodeity]

im on twitter simultaneously
whats up my dude
beyond booing me
gotta say you like to buck the trends

[goen]

Sorry did you say something?
I'm still scrolling past your original message.

[ Not totally untrue. His shitty retro flip phone does not scroll very fast. CHECK YOUR SMARTPHONE PRIVILEGE DAVE. ]

[parodeity]

oh it was too long for you
sorry bro
its habitual to just send line by line
i think you can like flip how you look at things maybe though

[goen]

[ His thumbs viciously mash out the letters: ]

I can't

[parodeity]

oh well uh
i can show you?
or make a how to guide
or well if you dont mind i guess it doesnt really matter

[goen]

There's no guiding this phone anywhere unless it's out of a potty because it's a PIECE OF SHIT
Thanks though. (´･ω･`)
The app manages to run so I guess it's not all bad.
I don't even have wi-fi right now but it's working?! Σ(･_･)

[parodeity]

what seriously
this thing doesnt have wifi requirements?
how is that even possible
what am i asking how is half the shit its doing possible

[goen]

Spooky isn't it?
This is the part where the audience shakes its head at us for not realizing we're at the start of a horror movie.
But I'm not dying first, no matter what! (#`皿´)

[parodeity]

im pretty sure saying that is usually the best way to die first my man
do you maybe wanna take another stab at it

[goen]

Σ(･口･)
It'll be fine. I know the patterns!
I'll be the handsome underdog who befriends the likable, down-to-earth heroine. We'll survive to the end together!
Underdogs always win!! ☆*:.｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆

[parodeity]

whos the likable downtoearth heroine in this scenario
actually wait who am i
i hope im that guy who like
isnt even in the movie
but i feel like im the sarcastic best friend and thats dangerous

[goen]

It can be Jade I guess. She has a unique last name so it grants her immunity.
You can be the chainsaw murderer who seems to die but really lives to be in the sequel. (｢⊙Д⊙)｢

[parodeity]

who what the fuck if befriending the heroine means life and jades the heroine i should def be alive
but sure chainsaw murderer sounds cool why not
better run when you see me coming
oh wait youd never see me coming
thats the entire movie trope
until some dumbass chase scene ig?

[goen]

Only two protagonists get to live in the end DUH.
And you're not an underdog, you're just... a dawg. (*ﾟーﾟ)
Your signature creepy murderer sound can be the lonely clicking of your tap shoes. LOLOL

[parodeity]

i do ballet more than tap usually but thatd admittedly be a good creepy murderer sound
except how would i sneak up on anyone ever
maybe it should be like my camera
i take a picture before i go full psycho on people?

[goen]

You fool! A truly terrifying psycho murderer is the kind you know is coming but inevitably can't escape! It's a metaphor for the slow march of death!
You can take murder pics why not. You can put up a murder selfie wall somewhere the protagonists can see it!
I'm getting chills thinking about it... (๑•﹏•)

[parodeity]

man i sound like a real fucking creepazoid at this rate honestly
like
a murder selfie wall
who does that
damn id probably have to take them like 5 times to get them right

[goen]

You can take the pics in a mirror for 100% accuracy. Don't forget to go shirtless and flex! ( ･ᴗ･̥̥̥ )

[parodeity]

are you challenging me to a shirtless pic off or something

[goen]

WHAT?!
You want to see me shirtless?? I don't swing that way!!
How long has this been on your mind!

[parodeity]

dude youre the one who brought up the idea of me shirtless and flexing
im pretty sure you do swing that way
not that anyone could blame you
im a very nice looking dude

[goen]

Everyone knows that flexing shirtless mirror selfies are the apex of narcissism and douchebaggery!! It's a part of your deranged psycho murderer psychological profile!
Frick now I can't not think about you shirtless
I bet you have a one-pack or something LOL

[parodeity]

man ive been doing dance since i was like four or five
i definitely have more than a one-pack
its ok you dont have to front dude
just admit it
you think im cute
you wanna see me shirtless
honestly this is moving so fast you should at least take a girl to dinner first
pervert

[ > internet troll habits activated ]

[goen]

Bye scraping out the insides of my brain with a chopstick

[ And that'll be the last message from him. He's going to go stick his head in a fountain or something ]