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[recollecters]

Welcome to Retrospec™, the last social media network you will ever need. You are one of the few selected to test this exciting new platform based on our cutting-edge algorithms. Less than two hundred invitations have gone out, and membership is not currently open to the public. However, we hope you will come to see how useful Retrospec™ is, given time. We have for your use a variety of features such as text, voice, video, and image posts. We encourage you to explore our many options. Please feel free to use this post as a network mingle. Every toplevel can be considered a new post, and threadjacking is permitted. No NPC response will be given. As a reminder, everything besides uploading a profile picture and information was locked until this post. Usernames are the character's full real AU names, not aliases or chosen nicknames or usernames, and seemed to have filled themselves in; nothing characters do can change or obscure their names currently. Oddly, profile pictures still cannot be swapped out at this time, so hopefully you took a good one.

Comments

[jyushi]

OK GOOGLE PLSE SHOW HOW DO I KNOW IF MY PHONE HAS BEEN HACKED THANK YOU
OK GOOGLE HOW TO GO OFF THE GRID??? THKS A BUNCH
OK GOOGLE PLEASE SHOW ME HOW DO I KEEP MY DOG SAFE FROM SPIES THANKS.
OK GOOGLE SHOW ME PICTURES OF SEXY SPIES
OK GOOGLE ....PLEASE DELETE MY BROWSING HISTORY

IT'S NOT WORKING??? NONE OF THESE SEARCHES ARE GOING THROUGH??? I DON'T LIKE THE CHANGES THEY MADE TO THE GOOGLE SEARCH APP. NOTHING WORKS NOW?!?

[Maybe it's because he's on the wrong app...?]

[hjack69]

hello this is google we are forwarding your internet browsing history to the FBI as we speak

[jyushi]

NO!!!!!!!!!!
I WAS CAUGHT!!!!
THIS IS BAD!
I DON'T WANT TO GO TO INTERNET JAIL!

OK GOOGLE WHAT SHOULD I DO?!?

[mercurio]

lol! nice one~

[doublesmall]

just keep trying, yeah? must be network issues. it'll go through eventually.

[jyushi]

EH? GOOGLE ADDED A BOT?

[He starts to scroll down the screen, finally noticing all of the other "intros" made by various users.]

Lots of bots! Maybe I can teach you to say funny things!

[metafaliure]

This is Secret Google. We're risking a lot to tell you that your dog may have been compromised by spies. You have to brush your dog until the tracking devices fall out. They'll look like old leaves or maybe pine needles or just grass. Tell no one about this message.

[jyushi]

Of course. Gocha! Secret stuff! Tell no one! [He's going to tell at lease ten people.]

What were they after? Can I even trust my dog anymore?

[twelfthspark]

Try deleting Android. That ought to do it.

[jyushi]

ANDROIDS?? Whaaaat? Now you're just being silly!
Androids don't hack phones!

[caelestialis]

Dogs are innocent creatures! I'm sure no spies would harm a hair on their fluffy head.

They have to possess some code of honour after all. One that says 'no pet hurting.' [ surely. otherwise what is this world coming to?? ]

[jyushi]

Yeah! You're right! That's right! Dogs are innocent! Hijiri is a good boy!


Ah. But lately he's been acting a little suspiciously....

[voideity]

you have to use the secret command code 2 reset it
say
googlebackslashbackslashwrongappbrohashmapenterkeyreset
as FAST as u can

[jyushi]

OK GOOGLE BACKSLGOOGOOB [No. Try again.]
OK GOOGLE GOOGOOBACK BACK SLASH- [No. Try again.]
OK GOOGLE GOOGLEBACKSLASHWRONGAPPPpppphh- [No. Try again.]
OK GOOGLEBACKSLASHBACKSLASHOOBACKBACKSLASH-[No. Try again.]
GOOGLEBACKSLUUSHBACKGAMMONWRONGHASBRORESETLDFJLJSLFJKLDF

[......]

Welp! Guess I'm gonna have to live with this!

[furtherforward]

[Ohhh this last name is familiar. As is the possibility of a dog in an apartment complex that forbids pets. Akira had his suspicions.]

your dog? do you have a dog?

[the spy.. is akira midousuji.....]

[jyushi]

YES! HIS NAME IS HIJIRI. HE IS A PUG. ISN'T HE CUTE??

[Oh, Jyushimatsu. Foolish, foolish Jyushimatsu. He digs himself in deeper by attaching a picture of the Pug - the background is clearly their apartment complex's hallway... Also, for some reason, the dog is wearing a little giraffe costume.]

[momentaryspring]

While no one can fault you for your interests, perhaps you should avoid searching for pictures of sexy spies for the time being.

[jyushi]

Eh? Then how else will we know the sexy spies when we see them?

[partyrocks]

Dude, share the wealth. Sexy spies are nothing to be ashamed of.

[jyushi]

I WOULD IF I COULD
BUT I CAN'T because I broke my internet

[tarotcards]

Google only takes voice commands now. I just found that out earlier today.

Trying yelling your searches. It worked for me.

[jyushi]

GOTCHA! I'LL GIVE IT A TRY!

[Now, let's see here... Where is that little text-to-speech icon? Oh, there we go!]

OK GOOGLE How do I know if my phone has been hacked by spiders? No, I said spiders, not spiders exclamation point.
CAPSLOCK SPIDERS NOT SPIDERS

[I hope you feel sorry for everyone living in the same apartment complex as Jyushimatsu tonight. Now they've got to put up with him repeatedly yelling "NOT SPIDERS!" at the top of his lungs.]

[mercurio]

dude...... "sexy spies" what's up with that

[jyushi]

[Uh-oh! Nobody was supposed to see that! Time for a distraction!]

LOOK! I FOUND ACORNS!

[wordcarvings]

I can't say that I am very good with technology but I'm pretty sure that you're not on google.