ONE ― TEXT.

[puffing]

Bigby Wolf shared a photo. 2/15 near It Doesn't Fucking Matter

Disclaimer. DO NOT MESSAGE ME IF YOU INTEND ON FUCKING AROUND. Has anyone seen this wallet? Specifically last night from the hours of around 8:00pm to 3:00am in downtown Tisse. You'll know it's mine when you see the pictures of Jade and/or Elizabeth. Or, you know, the goddamn credit cards with my name on it. There's a reward for anyone that so happens to conveniently "locate it" and brings it back to me. Another disclaimer. DO NOT ASK ANY QUESTIONS ABOUT HOW THE FUCK IT WAS LOST IN THE FIRST PLACE. Thank you for your time.

[ anyone who was with Bigby last night (hopefully adults...) will probably know how and why he lost his wallet. he got drunk. no one will likely know that Bigby is currently dealing with the worst hangover imaginable. that is because he texts like this all the time.

please feel free to "not ask questions" or message him to "not fuck around". ]

Comments

[daemonized]

Ardyn Izunia You should be more careful, Detective.
Ardyn Izunia You really are too reckless when you’ve had too much to drink.

[he just put you on blast.]

Ardyn Izunia You would’ve lost your own head if it wasn’t attached.

[puffing]

Bigby Wolf Listen here, you hypocritical jackass.
Bigby Wolf We're not even going to get into this conversation unless you want to talk about the things I saw and heard between you and Jack.

[ was there actually anything that happened between them? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ but that doesn't mean Bigby won't insinuate or assume. who actually knows what's true after last night. ]

[daemonized]

[now he's been put on blast?? what's even happening??

But last night was a blur and probably full of bad decisions, so. Who even knows.]

Ardyn Izunia Are you insinuating something, Bigby?
Ardyn Izunia Or just trying to spin the rumor mill out of frustration?

[puffing]

Bigby Wolf Going to let your mind wander.
Bigby Wolf Get the juices flowing.
Bigby Wolf There were definitely clothes torn off, though.

[ Jack's. the fact that it was (for??) towards Bigby is irrelevant. ]

[daemonized]

Ardyn Izunia Now if you're talking about dramatically ripping one's shirt off in a display of vigor, that doesn't exactly count.

[Listen, he was there for the madness that was the arm wrestling matches, too, all right. Some things are difficult to forget.]

[puffing]

Bigby Wolf That's all you remember, huh?
Bigby Wolf ............ huh.

[ mfw something truly regrettable happens and it just hasn't been threaded out yet. ]

[daemonized]

[god that would make this exchange all the more hilarious]

Ardyn Izunia Trying to sow doubt in my mind? It won't work.

[Let's just... careen the conversation slightly in a different direction now.]

Ardyn Izunia After all, if your memory was actually that clear, you wouldn't have trouble finding your wallet.
Ardyn Izunia Posting actual pictures of the blasted thing on Retrospec.

[puffing]

[ i promise to ensure it will happen, don't u worry ]

Bigby Wolf Why's everyone assuming the picture is of my actual fucking wallet?
Bigby Wolf It's called Google, wise-ass. You can find pictures of anything you own on it, in case you didn't know.

[ it may or may not actually be a picture of his own wallet, who knows. either way, too many damn people are assuming. ]

[daemonized]

[the burden falls upon you, then

And also, Bigby. Bigby pls.]

Ardyn Izunia So you're telling me that you googled your wallet brand and style and posted the result here?

[puffing]

Bigby Wolf Is that any more unlikely than me having an ACTUAL picture of my wallet saved on my phone for a rainy day like this?

[daemonized]

Ardyn Izunia Do name it for me, then. The brand and style.

[He totally thinks Bigby took a picture of his wallet instead of googling it? And testing that right now.]

[puffing]

Bigby Wolf Keep calling me on my bullshit and I'll be real happy to post some of these pictures I somehow have on my phone of you.
Bigby Wolf :^)

[ a number of things are confusing about this. 1) is he being serious or bluffing again? 2) why did Bigby just seriously use :^) as a smiley? 3) was that also in an effort to confuse Ardyn?

regardles of any of these options, it's clear that he is approaching things differently when it comes to Ardyn's... well, indifference. one of these days, he'll phase the man. one of these fucking days. ]

[hjack69]

Jack Dawes dont be jealous bigby you know ill always have eyes 4 u

[ excuse with your rumor mongering?? ]

[puffing]

Bigby Wolf Your name and face appears way more on my phone than what I'm comfortable with.
Bigby Wolf Gonna impolitely ask you to cease typing altogether.

[hjack69]

Jack Dawes you know for " impolitely " asking that was actually pretty polite
Jack Dawes if im keeping you from work i can always send you a selfie instead so you can remember me always

[puffing]

Bigby Wolf Please don't.
Bigby Wolf It's actually a reoccurring nightmare that I'll wake up or turn my phone on to see you've sent me nudes.

i'm so fucking sorry for this omg

[hjack69]

[ attached. ]

definitely saw this coming

[puffing]

Bigby Wolf Yep. That'll do it. I'm officially living my goddamn nightmare.
Bigby Wolf God, you are the most awkward, fucked up homewrecker I've ever come across.

[hjack69]

good luck finding your wallet
hope i didnt ACTUALLY put ACTUAL nudes in it while in a drunken stupor
have fun

[hjack69]

actually attn everybody this is for my man bigbys eyes only
no one else deserves the glory of my selfies
except ardyn maybe

[ belated ass-covering....... ]

[daemonized]

What, only "maybe"?

[how will Bigby ever survive these two??]

[hjack69]

well youre a very busy man i wouldnt want you to get too distracted by my glorious good looks

[ bc Bigby isn't busy at all. nope. ]

[daemonized]

Well, if that "maybe" was out of consideration, then I can forgive it.

The glasses suit you, by the way.

[hjack69]

you think so?
mostly i wear em for reading and teaching but im glad to hear it i continue to look good in absolutely everything
i noticed youre not complimenting my impeccable abs wtf is up w that

[daemonized]

Jack, your abs are like sculpted marble.

Better?