ONE ― TEXT.

[puffing]

Bigby Wolf shared a photo. 2/15 near It Doesn't Fucking Matter

Disclaimer. DO NOT MESSAGE ME IF YOU INTEND ON FUCKING AROUND. Has anyone seen this wallet? Specifically last night from the hours of around 8:00pm to 3:00am in downtown Tisse. You'll know it's mine when you see the pictures of Jade and/or Elizabeth. Or, you know, the goddamn credit cards with my name on it. There's a reward for anyone that so happens to conveniently "locate it" and brings it back to me. Another disclaimer. DO NOT ASK ANY QUESTIONS ABOUT HOW THE FUCK IT WAS LOST IN THE FIRST PLACE. Thank you for your time.

[ anyone who was with Bigby last night (hopefully adults...) will probably know how and why he lost his wallet. he got drunk. no one will likely know that Bigby is currently dealing with the worst hangover imaginable. that is because he texts like this all the time.

please feel free to "not ask questions" or message him to "not fuck around". ]

Comments

[beastenderblood]

Velouria Tartine Hey how'd the fuck did you lose your wallet in the first place

[puffing]

Bigby Wolf Hey!
Bigby Wolf How the fuck did you get the idea to ask me the exact question I JUST said not to ask?

[splinten]

Dirk Strider They don't issue you a gun and a badge, right?

2savage4me

[twelfthspark]

Arlene Sinclair As a citizen, I'm extremely concerned rn. 😱

[puffing]

Bigby Wolf I don't know.
Bigby Wolf Would you be issued a second life if you met an untimely demise?

[hjack69]

Jack Dawes why the hell do you have a picture of your wallet

[ :D ]

[puffing]

Bigby Wolf You are seriously the last person allowed to message me right now.
Bigby Wolf I thought that was implied, but I guess it's too late to edit in how I DO NOT want to talk to anyone from the bar crawl.
Bigby Wolf Now or ever.

[rhapsodeity]

Jade Wolf i dont even want to imagine the amount of smart comments you are about to get
Jade Wolf regardless, i hope this was a learning experience for you and next time you will at least consider leaving some of those things at home
Jade Wolf if there have been no purchases on your cards yet, i think its pretty likely theyre at the lost and found at one of the bars you went to

[puffing]

[ jade no...... go back to pretending last night didn't happen pls ]

Bigby Wolf Why do you need to imagine when it's right before you?
Bigby Wolf This is happening. Unfortunately.
Bigby Wolf Also? Definitely not allowed to lecture me if we go off the number of things YOU got into just this month.

[ which Bigby, of course, lectured her for. hello pot, meet kettle :p ]

[divine_braid]

Uh... why do you have a picture of your wallet?

[puffing]

Bigby Wolf Better question is why you don't.
Bigby Wolf Everyone should be prepared for everything.

[ totally pulling stuff out of his ass right now tbqh ]

[daemonized]

Ardyn Izunia You should be more careful, Detective.
Ardyn Izunia You really are too reckless when you’ve had too much to drink.

[he just put you on blast.]

Ardyn Izunia You would’ve lost your own head if it wasn’t attached.

[puffing]

Bigby Wolf Listen here, you hypocritical jackass.
Bigby Wolf We're not even going to get into this conversation unless you want to talk about the things I saw and heard between you and Jack.

[ was there actually anything that happened between them? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ but that doesn't mean Bigby won't insinuate or assume. who actually knows what's true after last night. ]

[judicatus]

Noah Gabranth Didn't manage to lose your badge too, did you?

[puffing]

[ SO MUCH JUDGEMENT FROM COLLEAGUES!!! ]

Bigby Wolf And if I did?
Bigby Wolf You'll let me borrow yours I'm guessing.

[voideity]

Roxy Strider howd a great detective like u lose your wallet ;)

[puffing]

[ not u too roxy :( ]

Bigby Wolf Are you asking this to piss me off?
Bigby Wolf Or is it legitimate curiosity?
Bigby Wolf Or both, even? It's probably both.
Bigby Wolf Also, stop winking at me. It's fucking weird.

[heiroglyphs]

Vera C. Weisz You know what they say
Vera C. Weisz A fool and his money are quickly parted.

not here

[twelfthspark]

[Damn, girl. +10 grudging respect points from the peanut gallery over here.]

[sharplydressed]

[Did someone order a headache to go with their headache??]

Kiyomitsu Kashuu if you were in downtown tisse around those hours did you check cabin 11?
Kiyomitsu Kashuu i heard from one of my customers that people just dump lost stuff there since it's got such a convenient location

[Oh... he's actually being helpful for once. Incredible. Pod Person Kiyomitsu has arrived.]

[puffing]

Bigby Wolf Kiyomitsu... I admire your attempt at ignorance, but. Don't you think that's the first place I would go to?
Bigby Wolf Cabin 11 was our first, fourth and sixth bar.
Bigby Wolf Trust me, I did the math. As much as I didn't fucking want to.

[ if his answer seems to be the callous, consider yourself lucky, Kashuu. he is particularly reserved due to him not being a DICK!!!! unlike pretty much everyone else. ]

[darkinferno]

Dante Rantanen i don't know why you think warning people not to fuck around is going to prevent it
Dante Rantanen probably more likely to draw people in to give you shit than anything else
Dante Rantanen is the reward for finding your wallet all the cards in it? because i'm betting that's what whoever found it's going with

[ :) ]

[puffing]

Bigby Wolf You say "more likely" as if you aren't in that same group.
Bigby Wolf Just cut the shit and admit you've come in to troll me as a way of passing time.
Bigby Wolf Would honestly recommend a better hobby, but hey. What do I know? I lost my fucking wallet and went to the internet to seek help.

[me_matey]

May Sfondi im almost offended you didnt come huffin puffin down my door, officer.
May Sfondi not that i took ur wallet
May Sfondi this time anyways
May Sfondi makesm e wonder if someone is following in my awesome footsteps

[puffing]

Bigby Wolf It's detective. DETECTIVE.
Bigby Wolf God, if you're going to go all the way with the jokes on my name, at least get the title right.
Bigby Wolf

[mercurio]

Prompto Argentum i may have some serious information about this

[puffing]

Bigby Wolf Really now.
Bigby Wolf Forgive me when I say I'm not exactly holding out on bated breath.
Bigby Wolf If all you got for me is the fact that you think an alien may have taken it...

not here!

[complementing]

[So much for considering Bigby as her prospective detective sensei.]

[puffing]

[ rude!??!? ]

[onceandfuturemascot]

Alice Penelope Drake For the record, I was okay enough to walk home last night and I don't remember seeing it.
Alice Penelope Drake Hope you find it in the face of all this trolling.

[puffing]

Bigby Wolf Well, you're stronger than just about everyone else that showed up, so kudos for that.
Bigby Wolf And... nicer, what the fuck.
Bigby Wolf Is this normal of you or some weird side effect of being hungover?

[parodeity]

Dave Strider lmao god the story has to be golden if you dont want us to know it

[puffing]

Bigby Wolf I don't give a shit what color the story must be. It has no purpose being here.
Bigby Wolf When you're old enough to drink and you deal with a night full of regrets like I did, you'll understand.
Bigby Wolf Hopefully. Hopefully you haven't had one of those nights already.