TEXT ♞ MORE SEXY COSTUMES

[tarotcards]

Great people of Retrospec. I am in dire need of your assistance. Please respond with the most honest opinions, thoughts, and suggestions you have about this topic:

🍇 Sexy grape costumes 🍇

Option one or option two? Or should I go with another option altogether? I am willing to commission a custom costume for my goal. I am seeking a tailor/seamstress to make my dreams come true. I am willing to hire multiple people for multiple costumes. Inquire within.

I need 100% unbiased answers for this very important and very serious inquiry. Thank you.

[ hey. that's weird. it's almost like this is a word-for-word ripoff of his own post and yu's post. only better. and also he's totally willing to pay money for a strawberry and grape costume commission. ]

Comments

[falsepretentious]

Allow me to bring this ridiculous debate to a swift and decisive end.

The only true answer is no answer at all. The images of fruit and of any other foods in general are already perfect as they are in their original forms. Combining them with the human form destroys the value of those pure images! Cease and desist at once.

[tarotcards]

But I can't turn myself into an actual grape. This is the closest I can get to being a fruit.

[falsepretentious]

Like Icarus trying to fly towards the sun, you will only melt your wings.

Is this really your goal? Do you want to be eaten?

[tarotcards]

I won't be eaten, though.

I'll be an aesthetic grape that's just left out for display purposes.

[falsepretentious]

That has to be the absolute worst type of grape. You disgust me!

[tarotcards]

That's a little harsh, don't you think?

[falsepretentious]

It is what it is. I won't alter my judgement for the sake of your sensibilities.

[tarotcards]

Maybe if you dressed up as a sexy fruit, you would understand where I'm coming from.

[falsepretentious]

If I ever dressed up like that, I'd already be dead.

I can see now that our ways of thinking are incompatible.

[tarotcards]

So you're saying that if you die, we can dress you in a sexy fruit costume and bury you in it?

[falsepretentious]

Don't mistake this for permission.

If I die, should you manage to successfully gain possession of my corpse, you may do as you wish with it.

Just know that I reserve every right to haunt you in return!

[tarotcards]

That's completely fine with me. My house is already haunted by a really nice old lady and her cat so I'm sure she could use the extra ghost company.

I'll give you my address.

[falsepretentious]

I'm sure that we'll get along classically. And you shall come to know what fear truly means!

[tarotcards]

What kind of horrors should I expect?

[falsepretentious]

You can't expect me to give away my entire act upfront. What kind of a vengeful spirit would I be in that case? Do you take me for an amateur?

I'll just say that I hope you're not attached to knowing the locations of any snacks you may have stored in your home.

[tarotcards]

You monster.

Leave my unhealthy snacks alone. They did nothing to you.

[falsepretentious]

You're not worthy of them.

[tarotcards]

You're not the judge of who deserves snacks or not.

[falsepretentious]

You aren't the authority on who is and isn't the judge of such things.

And even if I'm not in life, my power will be boosted in death. I'll practically be the King Emna of snacks, as well as fats and sugars in general.

[tarotcards]

Well, that's not fair at all.

Being dead with enhanced powers sounds a lot better than being alive and being haunted by the King Emna of snacks.

[falsepretentious]

That's perfectly fair. It's the karmic retribution that you've earned for your sins against fruitkind.