002 - Octopus's Garden In the Shade

[thebeastwithout]

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[Today on the hot mess that is Retrospec, somebody's either fallen asleep on their keyboard or allowed their cat to play with the computer for too long, 'cause there's a solid string of this for about a minute straight.]

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Garfield Logan added 3 new photos - in Huntington Avenue, Recollé
2 mins

[The first photo is a blurry image of Gar screaming, with only his head and upper chest visible. Something long and twisty is visible at the edge of the frame.

The second is a slightly less blurry image of a... realistic-looking octopus tentacle, for some reason.

The last is an image of Gar's bare chest underneath a ripped shirt, which no one ever really wanted to see, but we're all being traumatized today so just go with it. Everything looks normal up until the part where his shoulder attaches to the octopus tentacle in the previous picture.

It's kinda gross.]

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Comments

[maidofmistakes]

I don't know! I just hope you don't get stuck that way! Oh, man... Did this just happen now?

[thebeastwithout]

i dunno! i woke up and i went to check my phone but then i couldnt pick it up cause my ARM TURNED INTO A SQUID

and it keeps dripping!! on my bed!! and phone! there's octopus slime on my phone!!! its really hard to type!

[maidofmistakes]

Oh, yuck! Okay, uh. Just try and... think about having a non-octopus arm? I don't know, think about anything else! It worked with my X-ray vision!

[thebeastwithout]

its a little hard to not think about the octopus arm when you have an octopus arm!!!!

it's squirming
i can't stop watching it squirming
help

[maidofmistakes]

Uh
Okay, maybe try closing your eyes before thinking about it? Then you won't have to see it!

[thebeastwithout]

it's still squirming!!!

what if i just have an octopus arm now
what if that's my life
for forever
gar logan, octopus arm boy

that's a horrible superhero name!! i want a different power! this is literally the worst!

[maidofmistakes]

Oh, man... I hope not! What if you have to be in the water to not dry up?

[thebeastwithout]

aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhgh

i hate swimming! i'm not gonna spend the rest of my life in a pool

ok for serious what am i supposed to say to my parents i'm not leaving my room like this

[maidofmistakes]

Uh... Horrible disease? Would they buy that?

[thebeastwithout]

hi mom
yeah my arm is an octopus now
it's fine i just have to take some penicillin
so what's for dinner

[maidofmistakes]

Okay, right. Maybe make them think you already left! And then secretly call in sick. I don't know, I've never actually skipped before.

[thebeastwithout]

i guess i could sneak out the window
but i'm pretty sure i'm gonna run into someone outside at some point

maybe i'll just hide in a hole somewhere and wait to die

also dude

you haven't skipped??? how do you stand it

[maidofmistakes]

I just. Uh. Don't want to get in trouble, so I keep my head down. Is that weird? It's weird, isn't it.

[thebeastwithout]

i mean
i can barely make it through a week without feeling my soul draining from my body so
i don't like, skip but i might like, leave early sometimes.......

don't tell my parents...

[maidofmistakes]

No way would I tell your parents! I'm not like that! I just... uh, sorry. At least you didn't turn into a whole octopus.

[thebeastwithout]

uhhhhh
yeah sure
i guess it could be worse
at least i'm not turning into a giant bug like that guy in that one b

[gar's message concerningly cuts off there]

[maidofmistakes]

Gar? Speak to me! Please tell me you didn't turn into a whole octopus!

[thebeastwithout]

[the concerning silence continues for a few minutes longer]

ok just to reiterate
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

IT's a bUg lEG NoW FUCK sorry well kinda sorry FUUUUUUUUDGE what's happening!!!! as soon as i said that it turned into a COKCROACH LEG

[maidofmistakes]

What? So it turns into whatever animal you're thinking of? Oh, man, that's terrifying! Okay, think human, think human!

[thebeastwithout]

i'm trying!! i forgot what my arm looked like! what does an arm look like??? what if it sticks like this?!

[maidofmistakes]

It can't stay that way forever. I mean, it already changed once, right? So maybe you can turn it into whatever you want! Like a robot arm or something?

[thebeastwithout]

oh hey that'd be kinda sweet

...

i mean no wait i want my own arm!
why don't i have pictures of my arms arou --
oh hold on i still have another arm

ok i can do this

[maidofmistakes]

Okay! Just... tell me how it goes. And try not to put it on backwards, maybe.

[thebeastwithout]

arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm

...ok that might not actually be helping

i'm gonna get back to you ok

think about arms for me

[maidofmistakes]

Sure! You think it'll help? Arm arm arm arm arm arm arm arm. Right arm. Or left arm? Correct arm. I know I would make it the wrong arm. But you don't screw up as much as I do, so maybe that's not really needed. Sorry. Arm?