002 - Octopus's Garden In the Shade

[thebeastwithout]

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[Today on the hot mess that is Retrospec, somebody's either fallen asleep on their keyboard or allowed their cat to play with the computer for too long, 'cause there's a solid string of this for about a minute straight.]

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Garfield Logan added 3 new photos - in Huntington Avenue, Recollé
2 mins

[The first photo is a blurry image of Gar screaming, with only his head and upper chest visible. Something long and twisty is visible at the edge of the frame.

The second is a slightly less blurry image of a... realistic-looking octopus tentacle, for some reason.

The last is an image of Gar's bare chest underneath a ripped shirt, which no one ever really wanted to see, but we're all being traumatized today so just go with it. Everything looks normal up until the part where his shoulder attaches to the octopus tentacle in the previous picture.

It's kinda gross.]

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Comments

[me_matey]

cmon bruh have a laff

u feel better

[thebeastwithout]

yeah it's great to laugh when you don't have a tentacle stuck to your body!

not sure what i'm supposed to laugh at

still banned

[me_matey]

my dude i was homeless for four months, ur gonna live. laugh a bit.

[thebeastwithout]

what

what does that have to do with anything?!! i'm turning into a squid and you're making freaking porn jokes!! i'm not laughing at your porn jokes! shut up if you don't have anything useful to say!

[me_matey]

-She wanted to get mad and go on a 'everyone has problems' tangent but that usually just ends up making her feel anxious in the end. She takes a breath, takes a shot of rum, and thinks of a better way to approach.-

okei. shitty joke, my bad

what *would* make u laugh? cuz if you focus too much on the bad of this, its only gonna get worse. when shit's a bad time, u gotta find a way to look up, u kno?

[thebeastwithout]

pretty sure there's no good to this!

i laugh at animal videos on the internet

but not octopus videos!! cause none of those are funny!!

[me_matey]

how bout this?

[thebeastwithout]

uhh
ok musically impressive but
i dunno if i'd call that funny??? it's kinda cute

[me_matey]

man sum ppl jus cant be pleased

[thebeastwithout]

like
i don't know

puppies and cats and stuff doing dumb shit
that's funny

dolphins singing is kinda noisy

[me_matey]

um r u dissin dolphins? do we gotta rumble?

[thebeastwithout]

ok dolphins are fine but
you know dolphins like kill each other for fun right
that's the only thing i ever learned in bio class

[me_matey]

so do humans

y u gotta only remember the most fucked up thing, of all the fun and cool dolphin facts. thats cold bruh

[thebeastwithout]

well yeah
but no one ever said humans were cute
besides me i'm cute
i'm way too cute to be an octopus monster!!!

[me_matey]

octopi can be cute! look!

[thebeastwithout]

that's not an octopus
that's an anime octopus girl

i mean if you're into that no judgment but

that's definitely not what's happening here

[me_matey]

how bout this lil guy?

[thebeastwithout]

aaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwww!

wait that's an octopus? it looks like... i dunno, like a video game enemy or something

[me_matey]

its totes legit bruh i found it on google

[thebeastwithout]

uh alright
i guess it doesn't really have tentacles so
that's why it's cute?

stubby

...anyway i'm definitely still cuter as a guy than as an octopus

[me_matey]

my dude u need to FORGET. THAT. NEGATIVITY.

if u cute then u cute, tentacle or whatever

[thebeastwithout]

ok so

is your advice just like 'pretend nothing's wrong and look at animal pictures' or like

do you have actual advice

like:
how do i put on clothes
how do i go to school
how do i not get picked up by the fbi for dissection and testing

[me_matey]

spoiler; ppl who dont got the retrospec app act like this kinda shit is normal.

[thebeastwithout]

why does everyone keep saying that when it's not true!!

my mom grounded me for life when my hair turned green

doctor dude says it takes a month before they stop noticing

so i gotta hide this for the next 30 days!

[me_matey]

well


uh



good luck?