005. Text // my world is unaffected

[manufactured]

It's been some time since Retrospec has properly dropped some sort of identity crisis on us, though I suppose it's good to know that we're getting a bit more information out of them now than we were in the past; I'm in no way looking down on small favors and silver linings. Just the same, I wonder for the time being where that leaves us - I know I've asked a few of you about this in the past, and I'm sure that a fair amount of you have made your decisions regarding it since.

I suppose what I want to hear is your thoughts on these people you're receiving memories of, whether you consider them "you" or otherwise - do you still think of them as a separate person from yourself or do you consider them to be the same as "you", and why you've come to feel that way. I'm not going to argue for feeling one way or another on the matter, I'm just wondering how you've come to see these people that technically don't exist anymore.

Of course, if you reject this entire matter completely and just consider this to be an example of some corporate entity you hate ruining your life for no apparent reason, that's likewise fair.

I've formed my own views on this fairly recently; I tend to find it calming, having some sort of conclusion that I can accept as reasonably true for the time being. It's not always convenient, but it's calming.

Comments

[blessmefather]

[ Hi "Stranger" ]

I was firmly against believing the memories were real and that we were once those people but my opinion has since changed. There are so many similarities I couldn't continue denying it. His shortcomings and mistakes, while painful to remember, are ones I know would be within my capability if I was pushed into the position he was in. It has been educational.

[manufactured]

My experience was largely similar; finding out more of the experiences that my past life has gone through helped to provide a good amount of clarity in that regard.

...It was largely clarity that I'm still not altogether sure I wanted, in the end, seeing as there isn't much in my past life that could be considered pleasant. But I've always been dedicated to finding answers, even if those answers aren't anything I want to hear.

[blessmefather]

The truth can hurt but it's better than being ignorant.
I think that keeps proving to be the case regarding Retrospec. I would choose to remain on the network over leaving it if given the choice. It's not the answer for everyone but it is my answer.

[manufactured]

I've always felt the same way - a trait that seems to have carried over from back then, granted. But that just goes back to those similarities again.

[blessmefather]

Likewise.
I just hope I can do better than he did. It's difficult when I'm so like him or I guess I should say when I'm so like I used to be to avoid repeating mistakes. It would be a waste not to attempt making better choices this time though.

[manufactured]

Were those mistakes in your past severe, then? Or were they within the category of what might be considered normal human choices, given what you were working with? I'll ask that you forgive my curiosity, but I've seen a fair mixture of both on the network.

[blessmefather]

Some of both types. Failures in personal relationships and more drastic, morally grey actions. Making bad people hurt.

[manufactured]

I suppose how reprehensible that latter part is depends on how we're defining "bad people."

[blessmefather]

Criminals. Murderers, human traffickers, rapists, kidnappers, and those who follow them. His home was ridden with organized crime and he decided to put an end to it. There were repulsive characters among those he hurt but it was still violence against someone's son or brother or father.

[manufactured]

Perhaps. But once it reaches the level of organized crime, it becomes something of a numbers game. Violence against someone's son preventing violence against a number of the sons and daughters of others, so on and so forth.

But then, I can't say that my own intentions were half as noble, personally, regardless of what I may have said about them back then.

[blessmefather]

I continue to wait to find out what the worst thing he did was. Naturally I'm concerned that the answer will reveal something even darker than what I thought I had in me.

But then maybe I'm looking at this too closely. You said there has been a mix of regular human error and severe actions mentioned by others. While I fret over whether or not he killed, others might clearly remember acts of murder.

[manufactured]

If it concerns you this much, I hope for your sake that you don't remember actually killing anyone.

[blessmefather]

If I do I'll do everything in my power to repent for my crimes. Not that absolution isn't already on my mind due to what I've already remembered and what I've done in this life. A clear conscious is a valuable thing. Same with knowing you've made a difference for the better.

[manufactured]

You're one of the few I've spoken to that believe that any crimes we may have committed during our past lives are ours to atone for.

[blessmefather]

Really? I guess I'm not all that surprised.
It's a personal decision of course.
I don't expect everyone to agree or feel the need to get wrapped up in what their other selves did.
Maybe it's because I have that much in common with him still I feel the need to take responsibility.
There are people I care about that I want to do right by too.

[manufactured]

I can certainly understand that line of thinking; it's similar to the one I'm currently following myself. However, I'm also one of those whose past actions consist of things that go above and beyond "severe."

Greatly above and beyond.

[blessmefather]

Mass murder level severe?

[manufactured]

My first memory from Retrospec involved murdering a man. Things escalated from there.

Around ten percent of the world's population died because of me. Not directly, but due to effects that my actions brought about. Eventually, I tried to end the world entirely. I wasn't successful in doing so, but it wasn't for want of trying.

[blessmefather]

[ More than just mass murder then. ]

Do you have any idea why he did that?

[manufactured]

[Mass murder for overachievers: any number is mass murder as long as you're willing to take mass as a variable.]

Part of it was situational: I was created by someone who decided that my purpose was to judge humanity for their transgressions and lead a new era of evolution as a god, and that idea was indoctrinated into me from a very young age.

Part of it was due to the world I came from not being very stable and tearing itself apart with high levels of bioterrorist activity the first chance it got.

A large amount of it was due to experiencing that sort of upbringing and dealing with the sort of people who would facilitate doing such a thing to children, subsequently watching the rest of the world seem rather determined to destroy itself, and deciding that if my purpose was to essentially be God, my divine judgement would be that the grand majority of humanity deserved to die.

[...Insanity, Matt. It was largely insanity.]

[blessmefather]

[ The word he's looking for is genocide. ]

It sounds like your Other Self didn't get much of a chance to think for himself. He must have been extremely dangerous and powerful but limited by his upbringing, possibly without realizing it.

[ Somewhere over in the Marvel multiverse Murderdock sneezes. Er wait is that Earth gone in Recolle context? ]

[manufactured]

Certainly without realizing it.

I don't remember most of what was done to me back then. I don't know how likely it is that I'll ever remember, because I didn't in my past life, either. I've recalled seeing a few things that I didn't think much of at the time but are hideous in hindsight - things that were done to my...siblings, I suppose you could call them, that likely happened in front of one of my sisters and I. But most of the details escape me.

It's probably better that way.

I know free will was never something I was intended to have, howevwr.

[blessmefather]

That's horrible.
Do you have any idea who the people were that brought him into the world? What happened to them in the end?

[manufactured]

As I said - my first memory from Retrospec involved murdering a man.

[So yeah. He has a better idea than anyone else.]

[blessmefather]

Ah. That isn't too surprising considering the circumstances.

Do you find it easy to cope with the disturbing memories at this point?