[text]

[matchbreaker]

[ It's ass at night and Elda Marker, made more awake by the fact she keeps finding herself waking up later and later especially on weekends when her son doesn't have school is wide awake. As such, she makes her own variation on one of those cerebral posts a friend of hers makes sometimes: ]

So what's something you've wanted to tell someone, but haven't? Or something you absolutely don't want to tell someone? Or have been fretting about? I'm no qualified therapist, but I am older than many of the people on this app, so maybe I can help. Even if I can't, I can hear it out.

I'll make mine public: The woman in my memories survived an attempt to exterminate her race, and I have no idea how to begin to handle that memory. I've tried to ignore it for months.

Mine's related to Retrospec stuff, but it doesn't have to be obviously.

[ On and OOC feel free to have your responses here assumed to be to her inbox for privacy if you want or have them be public for people. Specify if you want I'll roll with whatever ... or respond to her own admission if you want ]

Comments

[manufactured]

The distribution failed. In a rather spectacular fashion. Because I trained the man who stopped me to do several things, but "doing anything halfway" was evidently not one of them.

[matchbreaker]

Oh you got shown up by some old protégé or something?

[manufactured]

Something like that. I was in charge of a special tactics unit when I was on the force; he was the best man I had. We hated each other by the end, and understandably so; I spent a good while trying to kill him, supposedly, though to be honest from what I've seen I can't possibly have been trying very hard.

The members of my unit back then were important to me in some bizarre wsy, I think, even after we were working against each other through necessity.

[matchbreaker]

[ Ah that's...

It's surprisingly sad, honestly. She frowns a little on her head, considering for a moment before, ]

I wonder if he saw it as a matter of responsibility for himself.

[manufactured]

I'm sure he did. He was always like that, from what I know of him.

It's always a little morbid to consider in such a way, but if anyone was going to accomplish something like that, it's good that he was the one to do it.

[matchbreaker]

[ Exhale. Exhale because she recalls her promise to admonish Albert and that he wouldn't die, even though he had already. A car crash...

Jesus, it's so - ]

It makes sense, sort of. Maybe it's just the scale of everything, but it's almost poetic, through the morbidness, to think that things can end up being intimate like that.

[manufactured]

If he was the one to kill me, he was likely the one that deserved it most. Either him or his partner; apparently I did something to her, she was working for me but behaving strangely the last time I remember seeing her.

[matchbreaker]

[ to think global bioterrorism had such personal stakes... ]

What, like threatened her or in addition to zombies and ... uroboros there's also mind control parasites?

[manufactured]

I don't know. She seemed oddly blank in the face, however, and she didn't seem interested in listening to anyone but Excella or me.

...Somehow I doubt parasites could accomplish anything along those lines, however. I suppose I could be wrong, it's happened before. Things didn't always work as I think they would; the world was something of an exercise in redefining common sense.

[matchbreaker]

Well, not to put you on the spot, but if you do remember mind control parasites or bodysnatchers or anything, please tell me? Might as well make sure more people know if that might come out of the mailbox.

[manufactured]

If they're something in the mailbox, the only person who would have access to them is me. What do you think I would do with them?

[matchbreaker]

Nothing intentional. But again, if that ticket's label is vague and they're airborne or something, I just think it's worth concern.

[manufactured]

I haven't gotten a description so vague as to be that much of a concern - if it's something I haven't remembered ywt, then that may end up being am issue, but if I have then I would at least hope I remember what they're called.

[matchbreaker]

Alright.

... Honestly, I know it seems as if I doubt you. I don't, Albert - I truly don't. It's merely with the stakes involved with all these viruses you mention, I do think it's a good idea if at least Jaeger and myself know things about them at a basic level, should you be incapacitated or something while they're causing problems, should they somehow appear.

[manufactured]

I can't say I'd fault you entirely if you did doubt me, bluntly put. It would be frustrating, surely, but not undeserved.

I do try to keep you informed regarding those sorts of things when I can. Jaeger is another matter, however.

[matchbreaker]

... I won't pry, but is everything alright with Jaeger then?

( and no, I don't doubt you, Albert. Sincerely. )

[manufactured]

To my knowledge. It's just incredibly easy to make him anxious regarding these sorts of things, so I try not to discuss the viruses or the stakes with him very often.

[matchbreaker]

Oh.

... Again I won't pry [ ELDA THIS IS LITERALLY PRYING ] but is that wise? He of all people is closest to the practical costs of the stakes.

[manufactured]

[...ELDA, THIS IS LITERALLY PRYING...]

...That's an interesting way of wording that.

[matchbreaker]

[ . . . ]

Yeah, I suppose it's-

I'm worried, about you and him, that's all.

[manufactured]

About what in particular...? Assuming you don't mind telling me.

[matchbreaker]

You got hit by a car and that resulted in your being revived by some viruses. I can only assume that means you two needed to lessen physical contact. But the fact remains any other virus complications will have Jaeger at ground zero. That can't be helped though, and I know that.

I suppose the other one is like...

I told you I'd admonish you if you went over the line, and I will still do my best to do that. I'm just worried about Jaeger's heart, should that happen, or should there be some other virus outbreak or - well, anything like that, really.

[manufactured]

I've been insisting on lessened physical contact since I found out I was infected in the first place, back when the virus was dormant. Since the incident with the car, I haven't wanted anyone to touch me. I allow it once in a while, on my own terms, but even that's incredibly mild and usually brief.

Any other viral complications that may arise would be caused by Uroboros, unless there's something I'm missing. And there's absolutely nothing that can be done in that situation. I don't know what you would have me do, given that that's a perpetual threat, short of completely isolating myself.

As for that other issue... We've discussed it, somewhat. He's aware that you'll do whatever is necessary, and in some way I think he appreciates it, given that he knows he wouldn't be able to.

[matchbreaker]

You know I'd never suggest isolation entirely.

But no, as long as you two are talking that's ... Ultimately tour business, not mine. I just hoped you weren't being -

Rather, I hope you aren't being overwhelmed by it all. That's all.

[manufactured]

I don't talk to him much about the things that trouble me. He's dealing with enough as it is, and he doesn't tend to handle my problems well. Especially given that he isn't able to do anything about them.

It seems cruel to involve him in things like that.