[text]

[matchbreaker]

[ It's ass at night and Elda Marker, made more awake by the fact she keeps finding herself waking up later and later especially on weekends when her son doesn't have school is wide awake. As such, she makes her own variation on one of those cerebral posts a friend of hers makes sometimes: ]

So what's something you've wanted to tell someone, but haven't? Or something you absolutely don't want to tell someone? Or have been fretting about? I'm no qualified therapist, but I am older than many of the people on this app, so maybe I can help. Even if I can't, I can hear it out.

I'll make mine public: The woman in my memories survived an attempt to exterminate her race, and I have no idea how to begin to handle that memory. I've tried to ignore it for months.

Mine's related to Retrospec stuff, but it doesn't have to be obviously.

[ On and OOC feel free to have your responses here assumed to be to her inbox for privacy if you want or have them be public for people. Specify if you want I'll roll with whatever ... or respond to her own admission if you want ]

Comments

[private]

[blessmefather]

You should be able to easily guess one of mine. Six people know not including Retrospec which I assume tracks our regained abilities, none of them are my best friend Tatsuo.

private, suicide tw

[thesettingsun]

I've remembered three separate suicide attempts and have no way of knowing how many more there are.

[private] is hereafter assumed

[matchbreaker]

I can, but if we're going to talk that I'd like one bit of framework off the bat:

What's the reason for the secrecy? To keep your job, keep people from worrying? Habit?

private is hereafter assumed

[matchbreaker]

[ Holy shit.

... At least this is typed so she doesn't blurt that out where he can hear it. ]

That has to be incredibly traumatizing.

Private

[thisloveisjustice]

I've been telling a few close friends... But I'm still having trouble processing it.

The man I'm remembering, he killed people. They weren't good people, but it wasn't his place to pass judgement on them. Worse, his actions led to the death of an innocent bystander.

so is suicide tw

[thesettingsun]

[It's okay, he just assumes 'holy shit' is the standard reaction.]

Yes. Yes it is.

[Private]

[standalonehuman]

Oh, do I have questions, first of all to ask if you're all right? But to keep things on an even keel first:

The kidnappings in October, it brought back an incredibly bad memory from the other Togusa's life. Multiple friends of mine were victims, and I don't want to let it slip that they made me remember somebody even worse than the guy that hurt them.

[matchbreaker]

God, seriously.

Has that put you into a mind state you need to be on watch?

this is Private for the rest of this!!

[matchbreaker]

Vigilante or officer of the law? Soldier?

But that' good, honestly, that you've been telling close friends. That's better.

This whole thing is [Private] then!

[matchbreaker]

I'm alright. About that, in any case - as much as I can be, with something I don't know how to process. I did get a really difficult to work with physical change earlier in the month, though.

I'm still thanking my stars I wasn't as involved with that as many others. No member of my family taken, and... that whole thing was awful. Honestly, I don't even know all the details to this day.

But alright. Do you want to tell me about it?

[thesettingsun]

I don't think so, but if that changes, I have emergency numbers stuck on my fridge. I'm seeing a Retrospec-aware therapist semi-regularly, if that helps.

[matchbreaker]

... We have one of those? Are they on that emergency contacts list the Arisato girl runs?

[thesettingsun]

Fai's on that list already, and he put up a notice on the network a while ago about individual counseling and group therapy sessions.

[matchbreaker]

Oh, oh good! That gentleman! I confess I think I underestimate his age a lot, I thought he was still finishing his schooling.

I'm glad though, those are smart steps. My therapist's off the app still.

[thesettingsun]

He technically doesn't have his license yet, but I'm not going to be picky.

perma-privateland

[feistytrader]

Is that something you can really handle?
That sounds like something you just
survive.

[Has Elda really been sitting on something like that for months?]

[matchbreaker]

[ . . . Well. ]

If that's working for you. I hope you aren't paying him then, though.

[thesettingsun]

Not a cent. Don't worry.

[matchbreaker]

I don't know, honestly. I have no idea.

[ That or the whole tried to murder someone thing she told Silver already. ]

[vitis]

sounds like a good way to amass secrets

Re: This whole thing is [Private] then!

[standalonehuman]

Difficult to work with? Is there anything you can think of that would help you out? I've been trying to help some people adjust.

There's only so much I can say, not out of a legal perspective, the fallout of that is actually done. But, that was four close friends of mine, other people I knew. People I'd promised to protect. Not the general 'protect and serve' measure of protect, but people I'd looked in the eye and promised to help.

So. Only so much I can say that they might not want me sharing.

[me_matey]

well i guess thats another thing we have in common

[matchbreaker]

Good. That wouldn't be ethical on his part.

But seriously I got off topic there - are these all things you've remembered at once or periodically?

[matchbreaker]

I'm not about to quiz you down about it, honestly. I'm *curious* I won't deny that and I'm wary, in part because... well, that situation mirrors a fear I have about a dear friend of mine. I won't deny there isn't some part of me who feels it should be expounded on more in my guide, to better give people a suggestion for coping methods.

But that's not something to foist on anyone involved unless they're willing.

But no, no. I've done what I can about my new circumstances. I'm surprised they aren't worse.

[matchbreaker]

Is it? I wouldn't look as it so cynically, but I guess.