at some random point during the festival

[hjack69]

trapped in an empty room probably abt to get murdered send help
may or may not have taken a baby chicken thing w me
if not for me do it for the chicken thing this bitey little asshole is adorable

[ attached is a selfie with a (much much smaller) chocobo that looks kind of like this. ]

what the hell is with the chicken things anyway did i miss something

Comments

you'd do the same to him

[daemonized]

You think I care about the life of an [exceedingly cute goddammit] oversized fowl? It'd be for the best if you put it out of its misery now, considering it's been consigned to a fate of imprisonment within Retrospec headquarters.

[He grins, then clasps his fingers around the door handle. He doesn't pull just yet.]

But I'm feeling generous. On the count of three, you push as hard as you can, and I'll pull with the same amount of effort. Maybe the two of us can get this door open for you.

[jinglejangle]

least you've got good company, biting aside
though you probably deserve it on account of nabbing it and separating it from it's pack
flock? herd?
what's the proper terminology here

[hjack69]

uhhhh flock i think
?
i cant believe im actually wondering what you call a group of giant ass chickens would be called
and look i brought it w me but i was TOTALLY planning to put it back when i was done using it to pick up dates

[jinglejangle]

could be a murder? like crows
or a squad
i'm not sure it matters because the word is probably just as fake as the word chocobo is

also that might just be one of the dumbest things i've heard of in a long while
how exactly is a fat baby bird you birdnapped going to get you dates?
i hope you weren't planning on telling people about your cock

[hjack69]

jesus frickin christ im not THAT bad
i was just telling everybody how its mother died in a tragic car accident and i saved it and now im raising it as my own bc it smells like people and the other birds wont accept it
(which is bs by the way birds dont actually work like that)
ill just give it back later nobodyll even notice

[jinglejangle]

how was i supposed to know?
most people when presented with poultry-based-dating-puns go for the lowest bar
and don't craft tragic backstories over why they have a bird and it's totally not weird they're carrying it around
though i think you probably could've come up with something better
something less cliched than a car accident
like a train wreck

good luck on not getting caught when you do

[hjack69]

im not gonna lie i was tempted by fat cock jokes but my willpower is strong
but something dramatic is what theyre EXPECTING you gotta play it smooth kiddo
like oh
i just happened to dive into the road and saved it while this chicken thing cheeped in despair next to its mothers corpse it was sooooooooo sad

and seriously how hard can it be to dump this fat little bastard back in with its crew

[threnodeity]

Did you steal a "horse"?

[Why are you carrying around a mysterious not-horse, Jack.]

[hjack69]

correction chocobo
er
chickabo
turns out if you carry one of these things around and spin a sob story abt how youve raised it from a chick after its mothers tragic death people just throw their phone numbers at you?
neat

true tbh

[hjack69]

Alright. [ Jack sets his hand on the knob, not turning it. ] On three.

One.

[ look he's a great friend he wants to do the dramatic count together. ]

[daemonized]

[As if Ardyn is ever going to argue against being dramatic. He lifts a brow, but-]

...Two.

[hjack69]

Three!

[ Cue Jack throwing his full weight into the door. Like, he stepped back and got momentum going and everything. ]

[daemonized]

[Whoop, and Ardyn just opens the door with only a modicum of effort, as easy as you please.

Which means the door was never really there long enough to stop all that momentum of Jack's. Ardyn figures this will either make for the most victorious exit ever, or the most embarrassing one.

He'd be pleased with either.]

[darkinferno]

well if you're going into an obviously-empty building that just popped up out of nowhere

you should maybe be suspicious and exercise some caution is all i'm saying

[threnodeity]

So you've picked up a chick to pick chicks up?

[parodeity]

ok hotwiring cars i have not learned to do
tho i bet that skill is in my fam somewhere
but ok ive started on my way itll take me like
five or ten minutes?
im in the district but not right there you know

er
i think
are you in the retrospec building if its a diff building i may be in the wrong district

[tarotcards]

Death by baby chicken... Perhaps the first in our generation.

[ maybe jack deserves this for trying to convince souji that unicorn meat was actually cat meat... karma ]

[hjack69]

COME HELP ME YOU ASSHOLE

[ angry texting!!! ]

[hjack69]

idk if theres more than one retrospec building but i picked the one downtown
let me look

[ Cue Jack unthinkingly trying the door again--

--and it opening, just like that. ]

You're fucking kidding me.

[ When Dave shows up, the fat little chocobo chick is going to rush him. Because that's what it does. ]

[hjack69]

you got it kid
rule one always appeal to emotion esp strong ones like sadness fear or anger
how do you think i got where i am today it sure as hell aint just my good looks
altho theyre pretty damn good

[tarotcards]

But I'm no match against an overgrown baby chicken. I may do more harm than actually helping.

[ look, souji is joking around right now but he will gladly help the extremely angry man soon. just let him get a few jokes in first ]

[threnodeity]

Relying on a cute animal to draw in potential suitors hints at low self-esteem in your own abilities.

[parodeity]

[ all right. well. THERE GOES HIS DRAMATIC RESCUE although honestly dave prefers it that way, but also: chocobo chick shit???? dave kind of. crouches down to...pet...? it? how does one bird he doesn't know. where have the horses gone. ]

So you got to rescue yourself? Why'd it lock, I wonder? Or...how'd it unlock. Hm.

[hjack69]

also correct
if youre ever looking for ~ suitors ~ def dont use the cute element
now if you just wanna mingle its a great ice breaker

[threnodeity]

You've indeed proven your point on that. Be sure not to let the police officers on the network see your admittance to animal theft.