[text] i could say i'm sorry but i'm not (except i am. i really, really am.)

[frostythehitman]

I've finally got this song together, but I'm still stumped on the title. I'm putting the lyrics in here for anyone who's got any ideas. Consider this an open call for song title suggestions.


Lyrics:
You punched a hole in my heart, and now
I'm an empty vessel, waiting for the music to fill the blank spaces.
What am I supposed to do now?
Nothing left but to forget all the sneering faces

I feel like a forgotten bag of chips abandoned on the streets, my soul shattered and scattering to the winds like potato leaves.
I’d break the whole world if I could
Just to make sure no one ever has to grieves
Again, and I'd break the whole world but I don't think that I should

The emptiness inside of me is hardening like cement
And now there's nothing that can fit through the cracks and spaces
Nothing left but to watch the spiraling descent
Nothing left but to remember all the sneering faces

I feel like a forgotten bag of chips abandoned on the streets, my soul shattered and scattering to the winds like potato leaves.
I’d break the whole world if I could
Just to make sure no one ever has to grieves
Again, and I'd break the whole world but I don't think that I should

[fade out]

Comments

[clear_eyes]

I'm sorry for this but.

"Lays Me Down to Sleep"?

[beastenderblood]

All right, here's my thought: that section on potato leaves? Really captures the essence of the piece. You should focus on that

[twelfthspark]

oh my god

[liberal_arts]

Try as I might, I'm just not feeling the bag of chips thing. Do potatoes even have leaves?

[voicelessresistance]

'Fill Me'

[meshiakh]

Wow!! You have such a way with words!
I really love it! (≧∇≦)ﾉ
Especially "I'd break the whole world but I don't think that I should"!
You definitely shouldn't, that'll be too much work!

How about "Neglected Potato"?

[vendettastool]

Void on Delivery?
Seriously you need a concept besides potatoes chips on an empty street, right?

[rednerd]

How about "I Should Probably Find Another Hobby and a Day Job"?

text

[fancisco]

you're making a song with the chorus about feeling like a bag of chips?
really?

is this a joke?
pls tell me it is.

[appraiser]

i don't know about everybody else, but i really love the potato leaves-- subjugated into something dry and brittle, but stronger than one appears, still beautiful and nourishing to those who care to look and appreciate the contents, like stray birds in need of a meal

what would really help with the title though, is what kind of music genre are you writing for?

[samuraisoul]

The bit about chips and potato leaves feels very out of place. Perhaps enough so that it distracts from the rest of the lyrics, drowning our your message? The rhyming is a little awkward in that part as well... in another song it could work beautifully but here I am not so sure.

[He's a poet who loves metaphors, but goodness, this one is strange! Already Jūbei is trying to think up sentences that would match the syllables and rhyme well while fitting the rest of the song, but he's not rude enough to actually throw them in out of nowhere. Tempting as it is.]

Titles though... a difficult one.

text

[gnasher]

"chip on your shoulder."

[mercurio]

dude
i teared up

[LET'S BE REAL FOR A SECOND]

have you got music for it yet??