[text] i could say i'm sorry but i'm not (except i am. i really, really am.)

[frostythehitman]

I've finally got this song together, but I'm still stumped on the title. I'm putting the lyrics in here for anyone who's got any ideas. Consider this an open call for song title suggestions.


Lyrics:
You punched a hole in my heart, and now
I'm an empty vessel, waiting for the music to fill the blank spaces.
What am I supposed to do now?
Nothing left but to forget all the sneering faces

I feel like a forgotten bag of chips abandoned on the streets, my soul shattered and scattering to the winds like potato leaves.
I’d break the whole world if I could
Just to make sure no one ever has to grieves
Again, and I'd break the whole world but I don't think that I should

The emptiness inside of me is hardening like cement
And now there's nothing that can fit through the cracks and spaces
Nothing left but to watch the spiraling descent
Nothing left but to remember all the sneering faces

I feel like a forgotten bag of chips abandoned on the streets, my soul shattered and scattering to the winds like potato leaves.
I’d break the whole world if I could
Just to make sure no one ever has to grieves
Again, and I'd break the whole world but I don't think that I should

[fade out]

Comments

[clear_eyes]

I'm sorry for this but.

"Lays Me Down to Sleep"?

[frostythehitman]

What does sleeping have to do with it?

[ He's not very big on puns, unfortunately. ]

[beastenderblood]

All right, here's my thought: that section on potato leaves? Really captures the essence of the piece. You should focus on that

[frostythehitman]

So name it something like "Potato Leaves"?

Nah, too simple. Maybe something like "The Vending Machine Lottery of Life."

[twelfthspark]

oh my god

[frostythehitman]

Not helpful.

There's at least five other songs already called "Oh My God," I'm not about to make this a sixth.

[liberal_arts]

Try as I might, I'm just not feeling the bag of chips thing. Do potatoes even have leaves?

[frostythehitman]

No see that's the point.

It's a metaphor.

[voicelessresistance]

'Fill Me'

[frostythehitman]

...with what?

[meshiakh]

Wow!! You have such a way with words!
I really love it! (≧∇≦)ﾉ
Especially "I'd break the whole world but I don't think that I should"!
You definitely shouldn't, that'll be too much work!

How about "Neglected Potato"?

[frostythehitman]

[ James has never witnessed someone be so positive about emo music before. It's...really weird. But not unwelcome. ]

Thanks?

"Neglected Potato" is a little too obvious though, don't you think?

[vendettastool]

Void on Delivery?
Seriously you need a concept besides potatoes chips on an empty street, right?

[frostythehitman]

I think the potato chips do a fine job of holding their own in that song.

But sure, why not, let's toss a delivery theme into it too. That won't get too crowded.

[rednerd]

How about "I Should Probably Find Another Hobby and a Day Job"?

[frostythehitman]

Wouldn't you know it, there's already another song on this album with that exact title.

[ No there isn't.

But he kind of wants to use that as a title for real now. ]

text

[fancisco]

you're making a song with the chorus about feeling like a bag of chips?
really?

is this a joke?
pls tell me it is.

text

[frostythehitman]

Do those look like the lyrics of someone who's joking?

[appraiser]

i don't know about everybody else, but i really love the potato leaves-- subjugated into something dry and brittle, but stronger than one appears, still beautiful and nourishing to those who care to look and appreciate the contents, like stray birds in need of a meal

what would really help with the title though, is what kind of music genre are you writing for?

[frostythehitman]

Emo.

[ He's not saying anything else right now because holy crap, that is some poetry in motion right there. James is kind of reeling from how good it is. ]

[samuraisoul]

The bit about chips and potato leaves feels very out of place. Perhaps enough so that it distracts from the rest of the lyrics, drowning our your message? The rhyming is a little awkward in that part as well... in another song it could work beautifully but here I am not so sure.

[He's a poet who loves metaphors, but goodness, this one is strange! Already Jūbei is trying to think up sentences that would match the syllables and rhyme well while fitting the rest of the song, but he's not rude enough to actually throw them in out of nowhere. Tempting as it is.]

Titles though... a difficult one.

[frostythehitman]

Look, I came here asking for song titles, not lyrical criticism. Besides, if you think it would work better in another song, let's see you come up with it!

text

[gnasher]

"chip on your shoulder."

[frostythehitman]

[ Even if James can't appreciate a good pun, I CERTAINLY CAN THANK YOU FOR THIS GIFT ]

I get it. Like someone who's gotten really bitter about something and is trying to fight back against the whole world even though he knows he can't.

You know, that's not half-bad.

[mercurio]

dude
i teared up

[LET'S BE REAL FOR A SECOND]

have you got music for it yet??

[frostythehitman]

Not completely, it's still a work in progress. I've got like half the music figured out so far.