001. text // i'm wide awake the more i sleep

[manufactured]

I'll preface this now with the notion that I don't expect anyone to respond with the content of their memories, should this be relevant to them. It's more a question being shouted into the void, because I don't care to keep it in my head any longer. Make of it what you will; treat it as a pure hypothetical if it suits you, it isn't as though I'll know the difference.

But has anyone had the suspicion that they may have been on the wrong side of whatever conflict may have been occurring in these memories of theirs? Or if not something so drastic, perhaps it's just that the person you seem to have been back then was deserving of, at the very least, a solid shake and a slap across the face.

Either way, people like to assert here that whomever you are now isn't the same as the person you're remembering, and I wholeheartedly agree with that notion. However, the question likewise comes up from time to time of whether or not the patterns we recall are what we're destined to fall into again.

That possibility becomes decidedly more difficult to disregard when the memories you receive are of someone that you have neither the interest nor the desire to become.

Comments

[manufactured]

I'm not altogether certain that the context for half of these things will make them any better. Although some context is better than none at all - one of my concerns is that several of mine can be chalked up to nothing better than sheer insanity, which isn't a prospect that I care to consider for terribly long.

[thesettingsun]

If it helps, past you might not have had easy access to therapy and psychiatric services?

[manufactured]

...Given what I can discern of his problem-solving and coping mechanisms, either he didn't at all or he was entirely failed by the system.

[thesettingsun]

So, if worst comes to worst, you at least have that on your side. There's ways to deal with these things without going off the deep end.

[manufactured]

Perhaps there is.

[He has absolutely zero interest in doing so, but technically, you're not incorrect.]

[thesettingsun]

[Going off the deep end doesn't seem preferable to getting therapy??]

Good luck with that. There's really not a lot you can do to avoid getting shitty memories, or I'd have advice.

[manufactured]

Outside of avoiding all social interaction whatsoever, I suppose, which doesn't seem feasible or plausible in the long term. To say nothing of the "gifts" we may receive in the mail regardless.

[thesettingsun]

I'm lucky that I haven't gotten anything super bad yet. Or anything at all besides a letter I wrote.

[manufactured]

I almost envy you - I'm one of those that's received inexplicable weaponry.

[thesettingsun]

How inexplicable? Hallucinomemory me used a scythe, can't wait for that to show up.

[manufactured]

It's not quite that bad - more along the lines of combat knives with insignia on them that I've never seen before.

[thesettingsun]

That could be a bunch of things. A company logo, or the symbol of an organization, or a family crest... Possibly a charm for good luck or success in battle, depending on where hallucinomemory you is from and what he happens to believe in.

[manufactured]

I'm inclined to believe it has something to do with a police department - I'm not certain what else RPD is supposed to stand for, since it doesn't seem to have anything to do with Russian machine guns.

[thesettingsun]

Makes sense.

Now I'm even more concerned about your world if you were a police officer and also doing whatever it was you were doing that wasn't sane or rational.

[manufactured]

[There is a pause, actually.]

...It was definitely a police department. Some sort of specialized unit, I think, that I was in charge of.

[thesettingsun]

Another hallucinomemory?

[Given the pause and shift from 'inclined to believe' and 'definitely', he figures Wesker remembered more details mid-conversation.]

Who put hallucinomemory you in charge of things?

[manufactured]

That's a good question. I have no idea, but I'm going to assume they either weren't aware or in their right mind.

[thesettingsun]

Yikes. I hope that didn't end too badly.

[ahahaha]

[manufactured]

...I don't know if it did or not. The idea that this was a profession he may have held is a new one to me - I haven't received any memories of actually doing work along these lines, so I don't think that he remained in just the one profession.

[thesettingsun]

On the one hand, people change jobs all the time. You could have just decided this wasn't what you wanted to do with your life and left the force. It doesn't have to be a big deal.

[manufactured]

[...Well, yeah, but on the other hand: raging psychopath.]

That's entirely fair. I don't know how much something like that would have held my interest; it's not something I even considered when selecting my own career nowadays.

[thesettingsun]

I never considered becoming a communist, but apparently that guy felt differently. But that's probably more a result of political environment than because I'm way better-adjusted than him.

[manufactured]

What exactly happened with this communism thing? You've mentioned it a few times now.

[thesettingsun]

I know that I was arrested for being involved in a communist group, and that's all I know about that because it hasn't come up in any other memories. It's like a dropped plot thread in a bad movie.