001. text // i'm wide awake the more i sleep

[manufactured]

I'll preface this now with the notion that I don't expect anyone to respond with the content of their memories, should this be relevant to them. It's more a question being shouted into the void, because I don't care to keep it in my head any longer. Make of it what you will; treat it as a pure hypothetical if it suits you, it isn't as though I'll know the difference.

But has anyone had the suspicion that they may have been on the wrong side of whatever conflict may have been occurring in these memories of theirs? Or if not something so drastic, perhaps it's just that the person you seem to have been back then was deserving of, at the very least, a solid shake and a slap across the face.

Either way, people like to assert here that whomever you are now isn't the same as the person you're remembering, and I wholeheartedly agree with that notion. However, the question likewise comes up from time to time of whether or not the patterns we recall are what we're destined to fall into again.

That possibility becomes decidedly more difficult to disregard when the memories you receive are of someone that you have neither the interest nor the desire to become.

Comments

[manufactured]

Interesting that you think you're entitled to it in the first place. But I suppose I don't mind questions, if for no better reason than it implies that you're willing to work for it.

Thankfully, I don't seem to have been one for wanton mass destruction, however.

[crudest]

you started the conversation
consider it free therapy if you're interested in that kinda thing
but i'll probably skip the life advice part
so i guess it's more like free venting
because i don't really give much of a shit about what you do
and i think that's supposed to make you feel better?

so what it just specific mass destruction
did you look at chicago and be like "fuck that city in particular" and set up camp for a week

[manufactured]

...Given Chicago in general, would you blame me if that were the case?

[crudest]

i like the pizza!

but okay okay what's a more inoffensive city
middle of fucksville, pennsylvania

[manufactured]

Alas, the poor Amish.

But no, it wasn't anything like that, either. To my knowledge, at any rate.

[crudest]

so what was it?
if it's out of your knowledge does that mean someone else told you to do things?

[manufactured]

More like I wouldn't put it past...whatever I decided to be back then, I just haven't gotten confirmation one way or another.

[crudest]

still missing pieces huh
sounds annoying
but it's still enough to bug you?

[manufactured]

More than enough, yes.

It's nothing that isn't manageable as of yet. I suppose I'll cross that bridge when I get there.

[crudest]

so does that mean you haven't traumatized yourself yet

[manufactured]

I'm personally finding it difficult to be truly traumatized by something that's striking me as unbelievably surreal at best, to be entirely honest about it.

Bothered, certainly. But "traumatized" is a little strong.