[video] forward dated to 9/13

[appraiser]

Ryoji Mochizuki shared a video.
09/13 near Apprassage

[ The video starts up, dark, silent. A bedroom, if an empty desk and neatly made bed and too many cardboard boxes count as a bedroom, and then the view flips over with a soft ] Oh. [ as the user finds the front-facing camera instead of the rear that he always uses on his phone. ]

Hi... It's been a while.

[ The bottom half of the screen blurs as Ryoji draws his knees to his chest where he sits on bare floorboards, phone in his hands. He doesn't introduce himself— doesn't need to, when his name is up there for people who don't know him, his face right here for people who do: the people he's recording this video for, whispers in an empty room. ]

I'm back. I know there are probably questions as to why, or how... and I can't really explain it well myself. But I'll answer the best I can, if you want to ask, texting or in person.

[ Ryoji sits up a little straighter now, looks a little more serious. This is what he meant to say: a confession. ]

But before that, I want to say that I'm glad to be back, however it happened... a second chance like this. I also want to be more upfront about myself, and there are things I want to say to a lot of people.

There was a time in the past where I was a monster: I'd hurt a lot of people, and I ran from all of that, hid myself away, and pretended it hadn't happened. The memories I've been experiencing, I kept the good ones close, the bad even closer, pretending they weren't real and that they have nothing to do with me. I thought... that it would be better to forget about all of that and return to a simpler time. Unconsciously, I think that's what I did. I went back to before everything happened, to start over, and do better this time. But I got it wrong. I made myself forget, but I wasn't forgotten...

[ He's rambling now, a little, so he turns his eyes away from the screen, staring off at something in the distance- it's the moon reflected in his eyes, only half. ]

There's somebody I still need to say goodbye to, but after that... I want to see so many of you. I owe a lot of "thank you"s and "I'm sorry"s and "I love you"s, and I want to be with people again. I don't want to leave this world or its people ever again.

So... I'll see you guys soon.




( ooc: forward dated to 9/13 to give myself a buffer. replies can be via text, or an in-person if you want to fast-forward to ryoji showing up at your character's house/class/chance meeting at some cafe/hi roommates/he'll be finding people around town somehow. for his cr, please assume he checked up on them, whether it's handwaved or not! )

Comments

[appraiser]

i know it's stupid but there's a point to it
what i meant is the alternative answer of no
that sound only exists if there is somebody to experience it
feelings are meant to be shared too, otherwise there's no point

[lalliho]

it gets experienced whether you share or not

that's why the answer is yes

it doesn't disappear just because it's one person's business and they want to keep it that way

[someone never went to therapy like was suggested to him mmmm]

[appraiser]

it doesn't disappear, but it doesn't get better either. nobody can empathize if they don't know

[lalliho]

I don't know how many people can empathize with being a monster and dying?

[appraiser]

both can be metaphorical
like
doing something terrible and unforgivable and feeling like you're a monster
or that the world is terrible and unforgivable and you feel like dying

[lalliho]

isn't that second one just life

[appraiser]

it can be
so everybody should be able to empathize
but not always! the world can be beautiful too and i could tell you all the ways!!

[lalliho]

pass

[appraiser]

then, just some of the ways

[lalliho]

still pass

[appraiser]

one way

[lalliho]

one way

[appraiser]

the world is beautiful because you're in it

[lalliho]

I'm blocking this number

[appraiser]

can you do that? i don't think it's possible

[lalliho]

we're sorry the user you are trying to reach is unavailable. if you feel you have received this notification in error please contact us at recyclingbin@retrospec.com.

[appraiser]

you can't recycle my words, they're meant for only you, lalli. nobody else

[lalliho]

we're sorry the user you are trying to reach is unavailable. if you feel you have received this notification in error please contact us at trashcompactor@retrospec.com.

[appraiser]

i can't just throw my words away like that either
they'll just have to sit in lalli's inbox like a storage bin
i'll message him every day, forever

[lalliho]

we're sorry the user you are trying to reach is unavailable. if you feel you have received this notification in error please contact us at thisiswhyyouscareme@retrospec.com.

[appraiser]

haha at least i don't have to worry about scaring you away, because you can't block on this app

[lalliho]

we're sorry the user you are trying to reach is unavailable. if you feel you have received this notification in error please contact us at yourebasicallyastalker@retrospec.com.

[appraiser]

oh. that's kind of true, huh?
i could stop for now if you don't want to talk anymore today, but
can i ask
why did you write to me in the first place?

[lalliho]

[..............]

you felt like a person instead of a fake sunshine rainbow sprite I guess

[appraiser]

ha... i guess that's empathy

did i really used to sound like a fake sunshine rainbow sprite?