[text]

[matchbreaker]

[ It's ass at night and Elda Marker, made more awake by the fact she keeps finding herself waking up later and later especially on weekends when her son doesn't have school is wide awake. As such, she makes her own variation on one of those cerebral posts a friend of hers makes sometimes: ]

So what's something you've wanted to tell someone, but haven't? Or something you absolutely don't want to tell someone? Or have been fretting about? I'm no qualified therapist, but I am older than many of the people on this app, so maybe I can help. Even if I can't, I can hear it out.

I'll make mine public: The woman in my memories survived an attempt to exterminate her race, and I have no idea how to begin to handle that memory. I've tried to ignore it for months.

Mine's related to Retrospec stuff, but it doesn't have to be obviously.

[ On and OOC feel free to have your responses here assumed to be to her inbox for privacy if you want or have them be public for people. Specify if you want I'll roll with whatever ... or respond to her own admission if you want ]

Comments

[matchbreaker]

[ Oh! That's good! ... right? That's.... Good? Good. Hmmm. ]

Does that mean you have a second death up in those memories?

[manufactured]

Not yet, but one is most likely impending. I saw that coming a while ago, however - I don't have any memories set after I infected myself with Uroboros, after all.

The method I was going to use to spread it was rendered a nonissue, however. I know that much for certain.

[matchbreaker]

So if Retrospec's whole thing works and that world really reforms, at least it won't be a dead one.

[manufactured]

Unless I'm missing something vital, it shouldn't be.

I was incredibly angry about it at the time that it was happening, but it was more than a bit of a relief to remember that entire endeavor failing like that. And if I died afterwards...well, it seems to have been my own fault, given that I approached the people who stopped me for a fight rather than just leaving the area, which I had more than enough time to do.

[matchbreaker]

If you'll forgive me saying so, I think that does sound like you, a little. Me too, of course! We're both the sorts who have temper enough to want to get even before we get smart.

[manufactured]

...I honestly wish I could argue that in some way without delving into blatant lies.

[matchbreaker]

See?

All the same, I'm glad that it failed, even if I'm sorry that's more death you need to experience. I'm sure that's relieving.

[manufactured]

It is, yes.

I don't precisely mind the memories of dying, either; I've already remembered dying once. I think what troubles me about it is knowing what it feels like, of all things. It was consistent with the experience I had here.

[matchbreaker]

Honestly that sounds like it'd give me all sorts of heebies.

[manufactured]

[..."heebies"...]

That's one way of describing it. Not an inaccurate way, granted.

[matchbreaker]

I figured!

Have you remembered anything about a vaccine or counter-virus for it, or just the distribution failed?

[manufactured]

The distribution failed. In a rather spectacular fashion. Because I trained the man who stopped me to do several things, but "doing anything halfway" was evidently not one of them.

[matchbreaker]

Oh you got shown up by some old protégé or something?

[manufactured]

Something like that. I was in charge of a special tactics unit when I was on the force; he was the best man I had. We hated each other by the end, and understandably so; I spent a good while trying to kill him, supposedly, though to be honest from what I've seen I can't possibly have been trying very hard.

The members of my unit back then were important to me in some bizarre wsy, I think, even after we were working against each other through necessity.

[matchbreaker]

[ Ah that's...

It's surprisingly sad, honestly. She frowns a little on her head, considering for a moment before, ]

I wonder if he saw it as a matter of responsibility for himself.

[manufactured]

I'm sure he did. He was always like that, from what I know of him.

It's always a little morbid to consider in such a way, but if anyone was going to accomplish something like that, it's good that he was the one to do it.

[matchbreaker]

[ Exhale. Exhale because she recalls her promise to admonish Albert and that he wouldn't die, even though he had already. A car crash...

Jesus, it's so - ]

It makes sense, sort of. Maybe it's just the scale of everything, but it's almost poetic, through the morbidness, to think that things can end up being intimate like that.

[manufactured]

If he was the one to kill me, he was likely the one that deserved it most. Either him or his partner; apparently I did something to her, she was working for me but behaving strangely the last time I remember seeing her.

[matchbreaker]

[ to think global bioterrorism had such personal stakes... ]

What, like threatened her or in addition to zombies and ... uroboros there's also mind control parasites?

[manufactured]

I don't know. She seemed oddly blank in the face, however, and she didn't seem interested in listening to anyone but Excella or me.

...Somehow I doubt parasites could accomplish anything along those lines, however. I suppose I could be wrong, it's happened before. Things didn't always work as I think they would; the world was something of an exercise in redefining common sense.

[matchbreaker]

Well, not to put you on the spot, but if you do remember mind control parasites or bodysnatchers or anything, please tell me? Might as well make sure more people know if that might come out of the mailbox.

[manufactured]

If they're something in the mailbox, the only person who would have access to them is me. What do you think I would do with them?

[matchbreaker]

Nothing intentional. But again, if that ticket's label is vague and they're airborne or something, I just think it's worth concern.

[manufactured]

I haven't gotten a description so vague as to be that much of a concern - if it's something I haven't remembered ywt, then that may end up being am issue, but if I have then I would at least hope I remember what they're called.

[matchbreaker]

Alright.

... Honestly, I know it seems as if I doubt you. I don't, Albert - I truly don't. It's merely with the stakes involved with all these viruses you mention, I do think it's a good idea if at least Jaeger and myself know things about them at a basic level, should you be incapacitated or something while they're causing problems, should they somehow appear.