retrospec | (no subject)

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Whoa...the post settings from the admin accounts are really different than the normal accounts.

I'm sure you're expecting Jo or Maury or one of the others but those are all people who are way smarter and way more qualified than me, and those people are working overtime to trace down a signal we keep picking up on. Not sure what it means yet, but I'm hoping for the best. We thought we were able to isolate the problem when the other regions appeared on the current layer but it's something deeper.

But hey, isn't that what we're all trying to do here? Hope for the best.

Call me curious, but what's your favorite color? I've been teaching myself color theory lately. Bonus points if you say "why", too.

Zee Carlisle
Hiring Manager
Retr

spec Incorporated

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I was on ADD stuff when I was little, if that counts.

Yeah, guess it'd be hard to explain any of this to someone who isn't seeing it...

Maybe there is a therapist on here? I never really thought about looking but.

Maybe there is. We have at least one cop on here, which hey, cool, good for me to know about, I guess. Maybe I'll talk a little less about smoking weed all the time on here.

I bet if he's stuck on here he's got bigger problems than you smoking weed.

Oh hey, does weed help with your mood?

While I'm high, yeah, but that's just kind of what weed does. It's not a medicinal thing, and I've got too much going on lately to actually sit down and get high.

Good thing I'm not the kind of girl with an addictive personality. Don't wanna make anyone worried about me chasing a better high or whatever.

Yeah...
Not even something to joke about, really.

You're probably too strong for it to happen anyway.

I guess.

Everything okay on your end? I feel like I just said something I shouldn't have.

It's fine! Ain't nothing to worry about.
I've known a couple people dealin' with that
Addition stuff.
It's pretty rough.

Yeah.

There's places to go for those people, at least. Where they can get help. And they don't have to be app-adjacent places, probably.

Yeah.
Anyway!

I was thinking I might go for a walk in the park.
Now that it's not freezing all the time.
Wanna come?

I mean, I'm down, but I hope you're not looking for an engaging conversational partner. Not exactly feeling that right now.

I'm not lookin' for anything except a walk, Anna.
You feel like talking, we talk.
You want to just have a nice walk in silence under the trees, then we walk!

Sounds like a plan, then.

I should probably shower or something. And make myself eat. But after that, like, yeah.

Great.
Just ping me when you want.
I'm gonna head that way now either way.

Okay, I'm on my way. Hair's still wet but whatever.

[she shows up to the park with her idea of "food", which is more or less just a small bag of chips that she's gotten most of the way through by the time she runs into Lillian. she doesn't look great, but at least she's got clean clothes on and she's not (outwardly) grossly depressed.]

Yo. How've you been?

[so much for not talking.]

[Lillian was in jeans and a red t-shirt with a picture of a bright blue sun on the front, and she gave Anna a smile when the other woman approached.]

About the same as ever.

[She answered cheerfully, but she didn't echo the question back, instead she just half-turned, gesturing down one of the paths.]

I'm thinking that way at first?

[probably for the best. Anna had probably given off a pretty solid idea of how she'd been already, and the answer was still nowhere good. but better, at least right now, as she started walking down the path alongside her friend.]

So. Yeah. All of that shit. Nothin' compared to what actual people with real problems deal with, but.

[she shrugged. it wasn't like she'd never dealt with being dealt bad hands before.]

[Lillian honestly wasn't going to bring it up at all, content to just go for a walk with quiet company, but once Anna did, she looked over at her, eyes slightly narrowed.]

It's a real problem, Anna. Just because you can't show it to someone doesn't mean it isn't.

[A little shrug.]

[sorry, Lil, when she got down on herself she was pretty insufferable about it. she knew it was a problem. maybe she'd have picked up on it if she were looking her friend's way, but she was focused squarely on the ground.]

I know that. Like, I've known it for years. Lots of stuff is invisible but that doesn't make it any less real. [her head wasn't entirely up her own ass, after all.] But I see people with flowers growing out of their eyes and I start thinking that maybe I shouldn't be pissy about what I have going on.

[it'd always been shitty to play problem olympics with people, even if they didn't know they were playing. she knew that. that was part of what made this all so frustrating for her.]

[Lillian couldn't hide a moment of surprise at that comment.]

Flowers growing out of their eyes. I definitely missed that one.

[She shook her head.]

But just cause people have it worse, that doesn't make your troubles magically better. [She suddenly laughed.] Trust me, I'm an expert on always havin' the worst problem in the room, and that doesn't change other people's at all.

[having the worst problem in the room? huh. well, it probably wasn't polite to pry too much. and she wasn't in top conversational shape right now anyway.]

I know. I thought I was over this whole idea that my problems didn't matter as much as everyone else's, but there's a lot of shit happening lately. [and it never seemed to happen to her as much as others.]

I don't know. [her hands went into her pockets as she glanced over to Lillian.] It's a shitty mindset to be in, you know? I really thought I was done with this. I know a lot of people deal with a lot of shit that nobody ever even knows about. I told Clover I wasn't smart, but I didn't mean like this. God.

Yeah. I think everyone feels like that sometimes. That they don't really matter. [She reached up to pat the other girl lightly on the shoulder.]

You matter to me, at least.

[She offered what she hoped was a reassuring smile before dropping her hand back away.]

Who's clover?

[Anna took a moment to appreciate that. she wasn't quite as touch-starved anymore, but having any kind of affection, even if it was normal, platonic stuff like that, did a lot more to help her mood than she was comfortable saying out loud. she glanced at Lillian from the corner of her eye and reached out to return the touch, letting it linger for just a second longer before dropping it herself.]

Friend of mine who's going through a lot of shit. Lots of bad memories, lots of family problems. And one of her sisters just got the app last month, and I don't think anybody in that family wanted any more of them on here.

[she shook her head slightly, trying to imagine what Clover really was going through.]

All of 'em knew each other in their other lives, too. Hope that's an exception more than a rule.

Huh. That must be pretty intense. It's just me and my sister on the app from our family. Thank god. My parents on here...

[She just shook her head.]

That'd be nuts.

[Hm.]

Do you have much family? I ain't never asked, did I.

[ugh. she really didn't want to think about that on top of everything else right now. with her luck, her sister would turn out to be that girl from her memories.]

It's complicated. I don't have a family, but if you told my parents that, they'd be pretty pissed off.

[and good, to be honest. they deserved negativity. anger. hatred. but she wasn't in the mood to get all scowly and mean right now, so she at least kept that subdued with a thick veneer of disinterest.]

Things broke pretty bad with them when they found out I was gay and I didn't want to keep being some scholar of military history or whatever like they wanted their perfect daughter to be.

Pretty sure mine would say they don't have a daughter if I came up. [Lillian didn't sound all that upset about it, really.] And that was just for not going to military school. Can't imagine what they'd do if they found out I was bi!

[She just laughed, trying to picture it and failing.]

Gay, hmm? [Her expression turned teasing then.] Well, glad ain't been doing all this flirting for nothing then.