retrospec | (no subject)

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Whoa...the post settings from the admin accounts are really different than the normal accounts.

I'm sure you're expecting Jo or Maury or one of the others but those are all people who are way smarter and way more qualified than me, and those people are working overtime to trace down a signal we keep picking up on. Not sure what it means yet, but I'm hoping for the best. We thought we were able to isolate the problem when the other regions appeared on the current layer but it's something deeper.

But hey, isn't that what we're all trying to do here? Hope for the best.

Call me curious, but what's your favorite color? I've been teaching myself color theory lately. Bonus points if you say "why", too.

Zee Carlisle
Hiring Manager
Retr

spec Incorporated

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Christ, this is why I don't ever talk about this stuff. I don't want people taking pity on me. Feels weird.

I appreciate it, though. I think I'm okay. I have a bottle of whiskey that I can break into if it gets real bad.

It ain't pity.
It's support.
We're friends, so I wanna be there for ya!

Hah.
Well, if you ever need a drinkin' buddy then.
Although I gotta be careful sometimes with certain booze and my meds.

Heh. Thanks, then. Even if I'm not great at showing it.

Forgot that some people have meds. Maybe I should go back on those if I'm gonna end up like this for a while.

Oh, nah, I don't mean those kind of meds.
Like...illness medicine.
I take a whole bunch, sometimes I think I need a flowchart to remember what interacts with what.

Not that talking to someone and maybe getting something is a bad idea, if you think that'll help you.

Oh shit, my bad. Kind of assume everyone in our generation is on some kind of brain meds.

I used to be on them. Didn't like the things they did to me. And now it's gonna be impossible finding a therapist unless there's one who's already on the app, so, like. Venting with friends it is, I guess.

I was on ADD stuff when I was little, if that counts.

Yeah, guess it'd be hard to explain any of this to someone who isn't seeing it...

Maybe there is a therapist on here? I never really thought about looking but.

Maybe there is. We have at least one cop on here, which hey, cool, good for me to know about, I guess. Maybe I'll talk a little less about smoking weed all the time on here.

I bet if he's stuck on here he's got bigger problems than you smoking weed.

Oh hey, does weed help with your mood?

While I'm high, yeah, but that's just kind of what weed does. It's not a medicinal thing, and I've got too much going on lately to actually sit down and get high.

Good thing I'm not the kind of girl with an addictive personality. Don't wanna make anyone worried about me chasing a better high or whatever.

Yeah...
Not even something to joke about, really.

You're probably too strong for it to happen anyway.

I guess.

Everything okay on your end? I feel like I just said something I shouldn't have.

It's fine! Ain't nothing to worry about.
I've known a couple people dealin' with that
Addition stuff.
It's pretty rough.

Yeah.

There's places to go for those people, at least. Where they can get help. And they don't have to be app-adjacent places, probably.

Yeah.
Anyway!

I was thinking I might go for a walk in the park.
Now that it's not freezing all the time.
Wanna come?

I mean, I'm down, but I hope you're not looking for an engaging conversational partner. Not exactly feeling that right now.

I'm not lookin' for anything except a walk, Anna.
You feel like talking, we talk.
You want to just have a nice walk in silence under the trees, then we walk!

Sounds like a plan, then.

I should probably shower or something. And make myself eat. But after that, like, yeah.

Great.
Just ping me when you want.
I'm gonna head that way now either way.

Okay, I'm on my way. Hair's still wet but whatever.

[she shows up to the park with her idea of "food", which is more or less just a small bag of chips that she's gotten most of the way through by the time she runs into Lillian. she doesn't look great, but at least she's got clean clothes on and she's not (outwardly) grossly depressed.]

Yo. How've you been?

[so much for not talking.]

[Lillian was in jeans and a red t-shirt with a picture of a bright blue sun on the front, and she gave Anna a smile when the other woman approached.]

About the same as ever.

[She answered cheerfully, but she didn't echo the question back, instead she just half-turned, gesturing down one of the paths.]

I'm thinking that way at first?

[probably for the best. Anna had probably given off a pretty solid idea of how she'd been already, and the answer was still nowhere good. but better, at least right now, as she started walking down the path alongside her friend.]

So. Yeah. All of that shit. Nothin' compared to what actual people with real problems deal with, but.

[she shrugged. it wasn't like she'd never dealt with being dealt bad hands before.]

[Lillian honestly wasn't going to bring it up at all, content to just go for a walk with quiet company, but once Anna did, she looked over at her, eyes slightly narrowed.]

It's a real problem, Anna. Just because you can't show it to someone doesn't mean it isn't.

[A little shrug.]

[sorry, Lil, when she got down on herself she was pretty insufferable about it. she knew it was a problem. maybe she'd have picked up on it if she were looking her friend's way, but she was focused squarely on the ground.]

I know that. Like, I've known it for years. Lots of stuff is invisible but that doesn't make it any less real. [her head wasn't entirely up her own ass, after all.] But I see people with flowers growing out of their eyes and I start thinking that maybe I shouldn't be pissy about what I have going on.

[it'd always been shitty to play problem olympics with people, even if they didn't know they were playing. she knew that. that was part of what made this all so frustrating for her.]

[Lillian couldn't hide a moment of surprise at that comment.]

Flowers growing out of their eyes. I definitely missed that one.

[She shook her head.]

But just cause people have it worse, that doesn't make your troubles magically better. [She suddenly laughed.] Trust me, I'm an expert on always havin' the worst problem in the room, and that doesn't change other people's at all.

[having the worst problem in the room? huh. well, it probably wasn't polite to pry too much. and she wasn't in top conversational shape right now anyway.]

I know. I thought I was over this whole idea that my problems didn't matter as much as everyone else's, but there's a lot of shit happening lately. [and it never seemed to happen to her as much as others.]

I don't know. [her hands went into her pockets as she glanced over to Lillian.] It's a shitty mindset to be in, you know? I really thought I was done with this. I know a lot of people deal with a lot of shit that nobody ever even knows about. I told Clover I wasn't smart, but I didn't mean like this. God.