4/6, TEXT

[hjack69]

aight chumps quick q
anybody ever seen these before?
bc theyre frickin rad laser guns retrospec sent me and im wondering if anybody else ended up getting advanced space age tech in the mail lately
you recognize these or the name " hyperion " lmk

[ Attached is a photo of the guns in question. ]

heads up: try and take these away from me and i will absolutely zap you in the balls

Comments

[arahoushi]

not a clue, boss, but from the front they look more like a funky rocket than laser guns

or any kind of gun

they don't actually look like guns at all

[hjack69]

yeah i mean
i guess theyre technically rockets?
but they rocket lasers at your balls
i mean i had a hallucinomemory ( tm ) abt using them to shoot at space commandos who were trying to idk blow up my space station soooooo im 100% on them being guns

[ just. gonna throw all that out there without context. ]

[trivialization]

Space guns from the future. Great.

I guess this isn't really going to damage my sense of reality any more than the fruit so I might as well ask.

What's it going to take for me to get ten minutes with one of those?

[hjack69]

i dunno
depends on whether or not i can trust you not to friggin take it apart
not that i wouldnt be able to put it back together?
im like
weirdly familiar w how these things work

[wiselys]

Hyperion was a titan in Greek Mythology. I'm guessing that's unrelated.

[hjack69]

i mean im not ruling anything out at this point
but the guns say hyperion and i got a sweater that says it too
has the same color scheme
im guessing its some kinda organization?

in which case WOW that is a pretentious af naming scheme

[complementing]

you're keeping them? [She's asking for a friend. Who got a gun and a spear in the mail.]

[hjack69]

pshYEAH oh my god
are you saying you WOULDNT?
theyre frickin laser guns ive been dreaming of having some crap like this since i was ten

[rednerd]

I'm gonna go out on a limb and assume those aren't registered.

[NICE. He gets to actually see the gift guns Togusa was saying people were getting from Retrospec.

You know there's police that monitor this app, right?

[hjack69]

what are they gonna do
confiscate guns that DONT EXIST? i mean afa everybody else not in on this retrospec crapfest is concerned anyway
show of goodwill etc etc
at least now if people start getting lasered in the ballsack theyll have a lead
i think im being pretty nice actually

[parodeity]

can they shoot through walls

[hjack69]

i absolutely do not speak from experience when i say sometimes
idk depends on how close you are and how thick the wall is
i mean i literally remember using these to shoot at commando dudes for trying to blow up my space station so they can at LEAST punch through halo armor

[aegist]

that's so much cooler than jewelry. i which the hr email on this stupid thing worked, i'd demand a refund.

[hjack69]

they gave me a frickin crapload of crap its totally crazy
like theres the guns but theres also a sweater?
and a board game?
so i guess theres a useful awesome crap vs useless semi-awesome crap ratio going on here

[doublesmall]

[the display name on this is 'chuunya nyakahaira', thanks a lot retrospec]

holy shit I'm jealous

all they sent me was a knife what the hell is this, can I get an exchange

[hjack69]

hey you got badbooty gravity skillz
i mean
you cant actually CONTROL them afaik but its still ALMOST as cool as laser guns

[esperimental]

I don't know if adding a threat was the best way to end this post. [ said ritsmew cattynyanya ] I mean, so long as you're responsible with them it's not like you can just hand it to anyone else if they're not glorified movie props.

[ And one last observation... ]

Given this and the old photo posted some days back, doesn't look like Retrospec cares about if it's from way long ago or "shouldn't actually exist right now" futuristic.

[hjack69]

alright alright ill get to all that in the sec but wtf
ritsmew cattynyanya??

[potentite]

Now those are a snazzy pair of futuristic guns!
I did wind up with a computer i can wear and control with my thoughts which is just the bees knees. But those guns!
What kind of firepower are they packing exactly? Or excuse me laser power.

[hjack69]

i mean like
they could probably screw somebody up real good if you hit em a few times at a distance?
up close im p sure they could kill somebody
idk the memory i have of using em is kinda crap for figuring out what kinda kick these puppies really got

still BASICALLY the raddest thing ever but i like the sound of this mind computer thing
hows it work

[judicatus]

Looks more like a pair of cheap movie props if you ask me.

[ as if he's not taking careful note of this post and every reply to it. you just know he is. ]

1/2

[hjack69]

[ don't be a square gabranth!!! ]

hey say whatever you want but im pretty sure IM the one with badass laser guns here
way better than that peashooter they give you guys

[hjack69]

wait youre a cop right
im like eighty % sure you are but i might be getting you mixed up w that ardyn guy

[ just gonna. pretend he doesn't know ardyn for a sec. ]

[frostythehitman]

Wow, nice glorified laser pointers. Now you can pretend you're a space soldier while you play with your cat.

[hjack69]

one my cats hate fun and two jeez kid try and contain your jealousy
i mean id be pretty mad if somebody else got cool lasers instead of me but hey maybe theyll be nice and send you a nerf gun or smth if youre good

[browbeater]

so, uh, you got a license for those things?

[hjack69]

yeah lemme just whip out my frickin laser license
these things are from the FUTURE kid
and you people are gonna pry em from my cold dead wrists bc weirdly enough thats where they go